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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Thoughts on my husband considering going darts/ pub this evening when I am really unwell and have two children aged 3 and a 7 month old baby

110 replies

Biosblbay · 13/02/2026 08:41

So I have woken up this morning the worst I have been so far this week. It is awful, I think it’s flu, blocked and painful sinuses, chesty cough bringing up thick green mucus, achey etc. it has been ongoing since Sunday but today is definitely the worst day. My husband couldn’t help with the children today, we woke up late and he had to rush out to work even though I asked him to quickly help me feed the dogs of change a nappy to help me but he couldn’t as he had a teams meeting at 8:30. So before I left I said to him “as soon as you are home from work I will be vacating to bed” because i won’t get must rest at all today and it’s going to be a struggle for me”. I could have taken my 3 year old to pre school today but I just don’t have the energy to get him ready, rush do his packed lunch then pick him up later. My husband said that’s fine, he will come home, do the children’s dinner (but it will most likely be me doing it anyway because he will be home too late) get them ready for bed and put them done for the night and then he will go darts.
I said to him “are you joking” and then it sort of just turned into a bit of an argument before he left for work. He said he isn’t going now or will go if I am feeling better later which I know he won’t, but am I being unreasonable to feel angry that he would even consider going out this evening when I am struggling. I have been ill all week still doing everything at home but today is a right off and even feeding the baby is a huge struggle for me

Also how do you care for such young children when so unwell? It is the hardest thing I have ever had to do!! Luckily my 3 year old is better now as he had it as well and somehow my baby has dodged it!

OP posts:
MillenialGreen · 14/02/2026 07:23

I’m so sorry that you’re unwell and that instead of being able to even mentally rest, your partner has flooded your headspace with doubt about whether you’re being unreasonable and controlling. Based on this post alone, you are not. Regardless of whether he could get the kids sorted before leaving, you have asked him for help and I imagine visually you are exhausted and a mess. That should make him want to stay and take care of you whether it means giving you a long cuddle and stroking your head or giving you time to rest while he listens out for the kids and does a few chores.

I don’t know the entirety of your situation but I do know that if this were me and this was repeated behaviour from my husband, I’d be gathering information on what financial support I’d be entitled to as a single parent and getting my ducks in order for a future without him under the same roof. Even if not for now, for the future. Yes it’d be hard but not as hard as feeling devastatingly unloved on a regular basis. You and your kids deserve better.

whittingtonmum · 14/02/2026 09:59

DH is a prick. If your partner is too unwell to look after the kids you take over. No discussion. I can understand that he needs to go to work but would expect him to see if he can negotiate earlier finish or something due to lack of childcare. But definitely no social engagement. Why can't so many men be proper parents to their children? The entitlement is truly sickening.

BeOpenSloth · 14/02/2026 20:41

Did he go out in the end? Hope you managed to get through the day ok OP.

Welshmonster · 16/02/2026 09:42

Next time he is ill, just go out and run errands and leave him with the kids.

when you go back to work, tell him to plan and shop for the meals one week and you do the next.

Harry12345 · 16/02/2026 18:25

I don’t know any nuns who would leave their really young children with their dad who is really unwell in bed and go out for social reasons

Bustyblondebarbie56 · 19/02/2026 03:47

Bless you ,I understand your anguish, men a incredibly strange human beings and a bit cut off from reality, i sympathise with you completely, I'm about to turn 56 yrs old and having a relationship with a 37 year old man with mummy issues, and a bit of schizophrenia thrown in to to it off ,I honestly think men just don't have the mental capacity of women, I.e multi tasking, the just cant do it! I'm with you all the way,but please remember that old saying that a woman's work is never done and it's so true ! Be strong hun we're the strongest gender of all.xxx

LittleRoom · 19/02/2026 04:07

Bustyblondebarbie56 · 19/02/2026 03:47

Bless you ,I understand your anguish, men a incredibly strange human beings and a bit cut off from reality, i sympathise with you completely, I'm about to turn 56 yrs old and having a relationship with a 37 year old man with mummy issues, and a bit of schizophrenia thrown in to to it off ,I honestly think men just don't have the mental capacity of women, I.e multi tasking, the just cant do it! I'm with you all the way,but please remember that old saying that a woman's work is never done and it's so true ! Be strong hun we're the strongest gender of all.xxx

Women making excuses for men, stating that they aren't capable, is part of the problem.

Men are just as capable as women and should be held to the same standards. Anything less gives some men the green light to be selfish, lazy shits.

Bustyblondebarbie56 · 19/02/2026 06:15

Yes ok I totally agree with what you're saying, I never give man a green light as an excuse for thier stupid behaviour, but it's a known fact that they use at least 2/3 % less of their brain capacity, that's why the don't mature mentally as us! All in all we're far more,intuitive than them,that's why they can be, not all but,extremely immature. By nature, i.e. mummy issues!x

Bustyblondebarbie56 · 19/02/2026 06:39

Yes ok I totally agree with what you're saying, I never give man a green light as an excuse for thier stupid behaviour, but it's a known fact that they use at least 2/3 % less of their brain capacity, that's why the don't mature mentally as us! All in all we're far more,intuitive than them,that's why they can be, not all but,extremely immature. By nature, i.e. mummy issues!x

CleanSkin · 24/02/2026 05:05

OP, what happened?
are you safe?

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