Men who sit next to you on an empty train or bus

[Designless]

Not for a chat or anything, just to sit silently invading your space.

They are expressing a kind of hatred for women who have the temerity to be out and about on their own imo.

Is there a less depressing analysis?

I haven't experienced this personally (but I'm not doubting you). I'm sure different men have different motives for it, but one possible explanation is the same terror of being alone that leads an entire family to sit right next to you on a mile-long empty beach. People are very weird.

That's true. Maybe that's the better framing. Gah.

Or parking next to the only other car in an otherwise empty car park.

I don’t believe it’s a benign motive when this happens. I think any man with an ounce of common sense wouldn’t do this to a lone woman. It’s a power play.

It's why I always sit, well sat really as I rarely use public transport any more, on the aisle not the window seat. If they try and sit next to you, let them then change to another empty aisle seat.

I was just going to say the car thing.

I’m guessing some men may do it for the wrong reasons but it does seem to be a strange human nature thing that in various situations even though plenty of space elsewhere you are drawn to be near other people

This happens to me a lot and I have no idea why .

Nah, it’s creep behaviour, they would never do it to a man. It happened way back when I was young and pretty, they were gobsmacked when I told them to move. So glad to have aged out of the attentions of predatory creeps.

I'm definitely in the sit on my own camp if I can.

I personally don’t believe there’s ever a good intention, but I saw a similar reddit post where a man said if he did it, it was because for him a woman was likely a safer bet. Otherwise he risked being sat near someone violent etc. Likely avoiding violent men the way we do. So as usual, even if the guy choosing to sit with you has no nefarious intentions towards you, they still prioritise themselves over your possible discomfort.

I find groups of loud people who sit right in front of your spot on a large empty beach the most infuriating. And require me to noisily and passively aggressively move everything a bit along so I can see the sea without their stupid heads in the way. Which winds me up even more as I realise how pathetic I am being.

Well it's pretty obvious, they get a bit of a thrill sitting close to an (attractive) woman. Probably one they wouldn't approach normally. Put their thigh right against your thigh, I did pointedly jam a bag between me and some man who did that to me on a bus once. Old enough now I'm probably safe from that sort of attention.

I’ve had this happen once, on a bus when I was a teenager. I asked him why he was sitting next to me on an empty bus, and then told him to move. He did and seemed quite shocked I’d confronted him. Disgusting creep.

Yep, this is the way. Let them sit down, then relocate yourself elsewhere. I have never had a man get up and follow me after this second step but if he did, I would move to another carriage even if I had to sit on the floor or stand there. It is obvious creep behaviour if the carriage is nearly empty. It's different if it's a packed train and there is nowhere else to sit, in that case you just try to politely ignore one another

As a young teenager I used to be terrified getting the train home from school as a man used to sit next to me on the platform bench and try and stroke my knee every day and talk to me. He was obviously disabled in some way so I didnt feel I could shout or report him. Eventually I did tell the station platform man so they kept an eye on things but my heart used to pound with fear. Girls need to learn to speak out quickly.

If someone parks right by the pedestrian exit (which you tend to do if it's empty) there can be a sensible reason, but usually you would still leave at least a space between to be considerate.

I just think for inadequate men it’s absolutely instinctive to see women as poppets only there for their pleasure and amusement. So sitting next to a lone woman creates a feeling of power and domination that they probably rarely experience in other spheres.

I’ve had this in a large deserted reception area, only me there and man enters and sits next to me. I promptly moved. They are disgusting

The privilege of being completely oblivious to the discomfort and fear of others.

When I was 20 many decades ago I got a National Express bus down to London. I got on at the first stop on what was a double decker coach. I was pretty much the only person on the top deck. Then a man of Eastern European appearance got on with poor English and indicated sitting next to me. I was irritated as there were loads of empty seats to choose from but having been brought up as an inveterate people pleaser and not wanting to appear racist nodded assent. He sat down and placed a raincoat over him like a blanket.

We moved on to tge next stop about half an hour away and the coach filled up completely. It then became apparent from tge movements under his raincoat that he was masterbating. I could even see the horrified looks from people in the seats around us but no one did anything and being a shy 20 year old I was frozen to my seat unable to move. One of the most awful bus journeys of my life. When we got off my boyfriend was there and we pointed him out to the coach driver but they didn’t seem remotely bothered.

I had this a midnight bus. It wasn’t empty but loads of free seats.
I said i’d prefer he not sit next to me- he punched my leg- grabbed my shopping bag( meal deal after a long shift at work) and flung it down the bus. He was shouting how he can sit wherever he likes and no girl is going to tell him what to do.

Police were called. I didn’t take it further as I was tired and just wanted to go home.

It’s been a few years since I was on a bus but I was told to “budge up love” on a literal empty bus so I just said “oh sorry is this your seat?” and got up and moved.
I sat in the single seat right behind the driver.
He fully tutted at me as if I’d ruined his devious plan.
My brother sometimes still gets the bus and he’d rather sit on the roof than sit next to anyone 😂 I know good men and not one of them would choose to sit next to a woman if there were other seats available.

It enrages me how entitled they are and how quickly they anger when they’re confronted by a woman. WTF.

I don't know about hatred for women, albeit I'm sure some of them do hate us. I would say it's more a massively inflated sense of their own importance/worth such that they assume every woman will be simply delighted to be the object of their attention. When they are told that we don't want their attention they are baffled and cross. Bless.

No we don’t… on the tube/train most people sit as far from other people as possible.