AIBU To Think Remote Work Isn't Sustainable?

[HighlandsExpat]

I work a very stable, secure 9-5 corporate job. I have been in this role for 1.5 years. I work in the office three days a week but my team is in another city so I don't see them in person.

I realized today I often go the entire workday without speaking! Which is probably good for my facial wrinkles but actually detrimental to my mental health. I am social outside of work and feel happy with my life and friends, but do feel like my job is incredibly lonely and isolating. Which is odd because I just got a promotion and am taking on lots of responsibilities, but hasn't translated into actually meeting new people or even having to speak more. I send a lot of emails and am chatting on MS Teams all day. I know we aren't pre-pandemic when it was five days a week and you would sort of naturally form relationships at work, but I cannot imagine being in this job in a few years.

AIBU to think this isn't sustainable? Do others feel this way sometimes? All of this is triggered because an old colleague emailed to wish me happy birthday and organized a virtual coffee chat. It made me a bit sad because I haven't had one of those (coffee with a colleague) since I left my old job.

It’s perfectly sustainable for me, I’ve been doing it for over 20 years. I can get far more work done working at home in the quiet than o could in an office. I don’t use work time for socialising, I do that after work.

I have said a couple of times that I am talking from my experience and with no authority. I have made that explicit. So I will step away from answering you now as you seem intent on arguing with me about things I haven't said.

I went from a hybrid role with super long commute (40miles each way) to fully WFH and I do think I will look for something else hybrid once DC is in high school. I don’t think that’s typical of WFH. All my colleagues really enjoy it but it does make me quite lonely and this is now translating into none work life where I don’t like leaving the house some days. Being fully remote for me isn’t sustainable but at this point of my life I am just muddling through while DC finishes primary school. The WFH benefits for my family at this time are good. Ive joined the gym to motivate me a bit. Also not spending hours on the motorway each week commuting is a massive bonus. For now im sucking it up. OP you aren’t being unreasonable if you mean unsustainable for yourself but you are BU if you mean across the workforce. Remote working can make working more accessible

Yeah I think it’s really personality dependent. I get my social fill outside of work. I have a lot of friends who I see on a weekly basis, I volunteer, I do exercise classes with friends. I don’t really feel the absence of face to face social interaction of work as I have so much of it elsewhere. I am also more on the introvert side so work is a chance for me to recover socially!

But for other people work is a huge part of their day to day social engagement. I have colleagues who choose to work full time in the office for that reason (whereas I work always from home).

"we think we are happier"

Glad you're here to let us know that we are not actually happier working from home, we just think we are.

Couldn't disagree more, the organisation I work for is over 20 years old and over 3/4 of our staff are fully remote - I have been fully remote since 2018. I would never choose to go back to the office WFH makes work way easier to compartmentalise for me as I always found office politics stressful.

Yes and no. I feel at my time of life the negatives of WFH outweigh the negatives of commuting and working in an open plan office. I start my working day feeling more refreshed and I hated working in an open plan office.

But I miss day to day simple work friendships where you just start chatting about last night's TV or dinner or your latest health kick or get recommendations for places to eat, films to watch, someone notices your new glasses or new shoes, ..... that kind of thing.

It must be hard for young people. My DD is in a new graduate role and things have got better for her since her employer mandated everyone being in the office the same 3 days per week.

In what world is a 40 mile journey a “super long commute”? That’s just ridiculous.

I mostly enjoy the very social side of my job so wfh is not for me. My dh on the other hand is perfectly happy not seeing his colleagues on a regular basis.

I feel I have the best of both worlds as I have great mates for life who I met when I used to work in an office. I've been remote for the last 18 years and apart from the odd f2f meeting, I've thrived personally. I really enjoy the flexibility, lack of distraction and no commute. I am a hard worker so this has always suited me well as I have the peace and quiet to get things done.

Not this again. Yawn.

YABU

It doesn’t work for you , that’s fine, but just because it doesn’t work personally for you, doesn’t mean it doesn’t work at all or not sustainable for many fields. Several fields have had people wfh, hybrid, remote for decades.

Wfh is not a new phenomenon nor are those who wfh so isolated as some want to make them out to be. Feelings of isolation is a personal problem that only one can fix, it shouldn’t be up to others to do it for them.

By a certain point, you should know in your working career what works for you and what doesn’t.

If you know you need chat, connection, and to talk to your colleagues often, and a more social setting then you go for jobs that have that environment, same for those who don’t require that.

If it doesn’t suit, you look for another option or ways to make it better, not just say, it doesn’t work at all.

But op you’re not working remotely all the time, you’re in the office 3 days a week which is more than half your working week and you’re still not speaking to anyone. Your issue is not remote work, it’s the job you do that’s not suited for your personality.
I work hybrid, 2 days in the office with lots of chats and on wfh days, I still speak to someone most days for something work related. You need to find a job that suits you if this isn’t working

The thing I worry about is for the very young people just starting out on their careers. SO much about a job is just picked up in the general hubbub of being in the office when you hear other people discussing a project or just floating an idea to colleagues etc. When you are stuck in your spare bedroom at home, and to just bounce an idea off someone requires organising a flipping teams call, it just isn't the same.

Exercise, lower stress, time spent with family and more time outside are all things known to have a positive benefit on your mental health.

All of which are advantaged by WFH for me.

Having said that, I think the switch was very abrupt when the pandemic hit, and the shape of our communities hasn't magically transformed at the same time.

I live in a suburb with a high street with clothes shops, gift and leisure shops, supermarkets,, gyms, DIY, pubs, bars, restaurants, parks, children's play stuff - very different to a suburb which is endless houses and a One Stop.

"I said being isolated isn't generally good for people's mental health"

This is what you said. I am simply quoting your words and responding accordingly

Unless you want to say it is a typo and you meant "I said being isolated isn't generally good for my mental health"?

I do miss being in the office and having coffee and lunch with colleagues. I miss being able to wheel over to someone's desk and pick their brains. I miss going for a drink before heading home sometimes.

I don't miss trying to concentrate while nearby managers do call after call after call that I can hear even with headphones on and music playing. I don't miss commuting (sometimes nostalgia gets me and I wouldn't hate commuting a couple times a month just for a change of scene).

My 100% remote job enables me to do the school runs on the days when DW is working, and I can make time to go to every assembly and school meeting. I've been able to spend so much priceless time with my DD that I would have missed if I was leaving the house at the back of 7 and getting back after 6.

So for me, although it's not all upsides, I am very grateful for my WFH job and they'll have to sack me to get rid of me!

I think fully remote jobs may be in some danger for the reasons you state but also because people/companies are suspicious of people they cannot see working/do not interact with so - as you often see here - there can be an assumption that people are not working as hard. This isn’t helped by the tiny minority of people who really have taken the p-ss and ruined it for colleagues and the public perception.

That said, I’m not sure that it will ever go fully back into the office again, especially as post covid rail services etc have never assumed pre-covid quality/regularity (they haven’t on our line, so it can take my DH hours to get home on a evening as they only operate one train an hour after 7pm ad yo are buggered if they cancel one).

Most people I know are on a minimum 3 days in the office and I suspect that is where the balance will be set with hybrid working being more the norm with a few people FT in the office and a few others FT WFH where the role allows it. Flexibility does support people with disabilities, families and other issues to remain in the workforce - which is what most governments want and society needs.

I've been WFH almost exclusively since COVID and went as far as seeing occupational health to get it in my contract I WFH permanently when the team was expected to go back into the office 2 days a week.

I had pre-existing MH conditions that have improved dramatically WFH because many of the worst symptoms were caused by being in the office, which is why occ health approved me continuing to do it.

If I was forced into the office even 2 days a week i'd be off sick more often than not and likely get to the point where I was unable to work altogether.

It is very, very good for some of us. I'm sure people who find it isn't good for them can either voluntarily go into the office or find another job where they can.

Thats a typo as it was 50 ish miles there and 50 back home. Which would take 1.5 /2 hours there and back with the rush hour traffic😂 A few times it was a 3 hour journey home if there was an accident. Which on the M6 is a regular occurrence. But thank you for your super helpful comment 🙄

She said isn’t generally good - can you actually not read, or do you just not understand what generally means? Some people might like being on their own all the time, sure, but for most people it’s actually not healthy.

You can look up the effects of social isolation on mental and physical health, there’s lots of info out there. Even recognised by WHO - https://www.who.int/teams/social-determinants-of-health/demographic-change-and-healthy-ageing/social-isolation-and-loneliness

To be fair, you kind of ignored nuance by suggesting that remote work 'isn't sustainable' just because you don't find it to be. I totally get it - it's not for everyone at all, and I can completely see why some people struggle with it. But it's a game changing improvement for others. There's your nuance.

You have just reinforced my point, even though that wasn't your intention. Amusing to say the least.

"In general" is a blanket statement. Almost, if not everybody, who chooses to WFH do so because they want to, hence they wouldn't continue if they didn't.

Oh dear, perhaps someone requires reading/context lessons I agree...but that someone certainly isn't me.

I think it depends what you want from a job. I wfh because it suits me and my commitments, not to make friends. I’m not saying I’m not friendly with my colleagues, we speak on teams etc, it’s just not why I took the job or why I stay. Maybe it’s because I’m older, have kids etc and don’t need the social side?

It’s not down to your work colleagues to give you the social interaction you crave, you need to make that happen before/after work. I say this as someone who needs it also, but I make sure I get that in other ways either side or work or sometimes even go and work in a coffee shop for a few hours gives me a boost.