Baby has repeat accidents under husbands care

[GreeneQueen]

I am writing to ask if I am being unreasonable being concerned about my husbands attitude to the safety of our child. She is 15 months old and has by now suffered 3 accidents with impact to the head under his care. First two were when she was 8 months old. One, he left her unbuckled in the pram knowing that she is able to stand up. As she stood up in the pram she swung it forward and fell hitting her head on ceramic tiles. Second, he left her unsupervised on the couch and she fell backwards from sitting and hit her head on ceramic tiles. The third one was at 15 months when she newly developed the skill to climb chairs. He saw her standing on the chair and didn’t think to go up and ensure that she remains safe. Seconds later she was on the floor having hit her head on ceramic tiles. Each time there was a lot of crying and distress and a bruise. Thankfully no major consequence although I do believe that repeat impact to the head of this magnitude is not without consequences to the brain. Each time she would have been at around 1.5 meters above the ground before falling onto a hard surface. He will say things like - look at her, she is fine - after she is settled from crying. He is of the type who says that children should be free to explore and I’m a helicopter mother. This time he also said that now he will know not to leave her standing on the chair but I feel like this should be anticipated and not learnt by the parent at the potential cost of the child’s health. There were several other near misses with her being left on the couch unsupervised when she was able to roll or later when she was left unbuckled in a high chair and stood up in it. Can I please have some second opinions. For me these are preventable serious accidents and simply not acceptable. I am worried leaving her under his care.

Once is an accident, three times is total carelessness.

It sounds like he doesn't take enough care around risks and needs to be more helicopter!

But also all this talk of ceramic tiles? With a baby? I would be betting some foam squares and rugs and mats around. I was attentive and careful and yet my dc were covered in bruises from bumps once they were mobile so I softened the environment as much as I could.

Tumbling a small distance onto a soft surface and getting a bit of a bump can be an important learning experience, but falling a long way onto a hard surface is way too dangerous and suggests he is not supervising well enough.

You are not being unreasonable. Once or even twice I would say was unlucky but 3 times suggests carelessness. His attitude is also worrying in that he doesnt seem that concerned.

For example my 8 month old daughter dived off the sofa and split her chin while I was in the same room but turned to turn off the tv. I was so shook up by it that I beat myself up for weeks and she is never on the sofa now unless Im on it with her.

Those were all avoidable incidents, he needs to seriously up his game.

He's a fucking idiot.

I would also be concerned he's either not capable of assessing danger or just doesn't bloody care. Neither of which will be fixed by him suddenly having a revelation.

OK, now he says he knows not to leave his toddler standing on a chair (ffs). Does he need her to fall off every other object in creation before he realises 'child on any object above a hard floor at a height that will cause injury is not safe'? WIll he be letting her get on tables until she falls? It's not a chair after all. Or put her hand in a fire? Or grab a mug of hot coffee?

I'd want to know what he was doing that was so important that he let her climb a chair, saw her, decided not to walk over and lift her down/help her balance/literally anything.

Tbh I'd be suspicious he wasn't looking at all and is only saying he saw and didn't realise because that's better than 'I was sat on the loo with my phone for 30 minutes'

He either doesn't care about his baby orhe sees parenting as your job and is ensuring you are the default parent.

It's deeply terrible behaviour and I would want to leave the fucker.

Oh, and DD has seen a Dr after all of these head bangs, hasn't she?

First 2 are not good and I would be annoyed about. I wouldn't tie is to the third thing 7 months later. If you've got a climber then both of you need to be making her environment safer with mats around the things she likes to climb. Toddlers should be allowed to explore their environment and we need to make it safe for them. The chair thing is tricky because sometimes shouting out or grabbing at them is what causes them to lose concentration and fall.

Did he bother getting her checked over by a doctor

Eh? Of course the third is linked to the first two, the common theme he is not supervising his own child.

Typical that you find a way to blame the mother though.

Children do not have mats around every where they go, which is why the supervising parent, in this case the father, needs to supervise them.

The pram one happened with my partner and baby recently, he said it was one of the worst days of his life. I would be worried about the multiple times and his underreaction, don’t think i’d leave baby with him unsupervised.

That's a worry esp injuries to the head. There's letting a child explore their environment but they still need some guidance at that age. I wouldn't trust your dc in your dhs care. Sorry.

Sounds like weaponised incompetence. Ooh if baby keeps hurting themself in my care, eventually I won’t need to do some solo parenting as I won’t be trusted.

Once is an accident, 3 times is negligent and in all honesty, I’d leave the bastard. He cares so little for the safety of your child. One bad bump could have such a devastating effect and he is either not trusted or arsed to understand that.

Carelessness. I saw a dad crossing the road, weaving through busy traffic, in the rain, not holding his little one’s hand. Boy trips over an island in the middle, on his knees in the mud, dad barely registered, until the kid was crying. Just yanked him back up. I was thinking “if only mum could see…”

We live in a busy city centre & I often see dads, mobile on one hand, steering the pram with the other, with baby practically out on the road. Not all dads, but I rarely see mums doing it… When my DS was a baby DH wouldn’t comply with proper bottle washing, milk prep “my way”. Dickhead.

no need for the passive aggression- just ask has the child seen a doctor

Wtf. This is completely unacceptable. Accidents happen but this is just careless and lazy. How have you reacted to these incidents? Does he think this ok?

What the…. Man needs to wake up

Amazon have padded squares get them down on those tiles asap

Whats going to make him take it more seriously- when something really bad happens?

A 15 month old falling off a chair isn't that big of a deal, they will explore, push boundaries and have accidents. The accidents Under 1 are concerning and completely avoidable. I don't think I would have left DC alone with DH after the second incident. It's lucky the baby didn't receive a life changing injury with such carelessness.

The thing that really jumps out is that all your high surfaces (which a 15 month old will climb onto!) are on ceramic tiles. Get some floor covering so that she can play, fall and get back up again.

I I don't think it's fair to say I blamed the mother.
I said they both need to make the environment safer now they have a climber!

They are 3 different accidents and he has been clear he isn't going to pay closer attention so no, you can't leave him alone with her.

The problem you now have is that youre basically sole carer because he doesnt think he prevent these accidents, whereas you can foresee his incompetence.

So de facto you need to supervise baby at all times. Get some rugs as well.

Oh yeah, so now you have to pay attention all the time and he gets to label and mock you as 'helicopter parent'. Heads he wins, tails you lose.

Let me guess, there are other things he doesn't bother doing or does so badly you are forced to take over as well?

Was she examined by a doctor after these head injuries? You really need to have her examined after these injuries and have this documented.

It sounds like she's at risk when alone with her dad. She's now had 3 head injuries in a few months. There might be more incidents you don't know about.

Calling you a helicopter mom is him gaslighting you so you won't expect him to be more careful while supervising her.

Kids can get skull fractures and TBIs and life altering injuries from things like this.

My dc once fell down the stairs and had a hell of a bump on her head.

it’s not always possible to stop all falls.

that says he doesn’t sound great.

can you get some rugs for the tiles?