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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Baby has repeat accidents under husbands care

119 replies

GreeneQueen · 12/02/2026 13:52

I am writing to ask if I am being unreasonable being concerned about my husbands attitude to the safety of our child. She is 15 months old and has by now suffered 3 accidents with impact to the head under his care. First two were when she was 8 months old. One, he left her unbuckled in the pram knowing that she is able to stand up. As she stood up in the pram she swung it forward and fell hitting her head on ceramic tiles. Second, he left her unsupervised on the couch and she fell backwards from sitting and hit her head on ceramic tiles. The third one was at 15 months when she newly developed the skill to climb chairs. He saw her standing on the chair and didn’t think to go up and ensure that she remains safe. Seconds later she was on the floor having hit her head on ceramic tiles. Each time there was a lot of crying and distress and a bruise. Thankfully no major consequence although I do believe that repeat impact to the head of this magnitude is not without consequences to the brain. Each time she would have been at around 1.5 meters above the ground before falling onto a hard surface. He will say things like - look at her, she is fine - after she is settled from crying. He is of the type who says that children should be free to explore and I’m a helicopter mother. This time he also said that now he will know not to leave her standing on the chair but I feel like this should be anticipated and not learnt by the parent at the potential cost of the child’s health. There were several other near misses with her being left on the couch unsupervised when she was able to roll or later when she was left unbuckled in a high chair and stood up in it. Can I please have some second opinions. For me these are preventable serious accidents and simply not acceptable. I am worried leaving her under his care.

OP posts:
TomatoSandwiches · 12/02/2026 14:36

He doesn't even sound remorseful, we all have accidents with our babies, my first had a few knocks on the head when walking through a doorway but decent parents feel awful about it and take extra care...... your husband doesn't, I would want to leave him.

parietal · 12/02/2026 14:36

My dd fell and hit her head at 18mo ish. We called 111 and took her to a&e on their advice where they kept us for 3 hrs for monitoring (v dull). They said any fall from more than the height of the child should be checked with a doctor.

and if your dh has to spend the 3 hrs on an a&e chair with a grumpy toddler, he will learn not to let her fall again.

JanBlues2026 · 12/02/2026 14:37

Yes that is very concerning but having ceramic tiles with no matting down is very dangerous, everyone has had a moment where their baby/toddler has fallen off the sofa or similar but you’ve had 3 incidents and still not put mats or rugs down?

dadtoateen · 12/02/2026 14:38

He probably does need to up his game somewhat, however............

From a personal perspective, you need eyes in the back of your head at that age, certainly when they start crawling/exploring. Accidents happen, 3 in 7 months?

I'm not being all defensive to the hubby but has your child suffered any accidental bumps when in your care?

Please don't all come at me, I'm not justifying anything.

It's bloody hard this parenting lark

StabbyCat · 12/02/2026 14:39

He’s a fucking idiot. Don’t trust him around her. You need to be there all the time. Treat him as you would a small child - not responsible enough to supervise.

dizzydizzydizzy · 12/02/2026 14:42

I think that is very concerning. How often does he look after DC on his own?

Catwalking · 12/02/2026 14:42

Just don’t leave child alone with anyone you can’t trust, father or any1.

Swaytheboat · 12/02/2026 14:50

He's got away with it so far in the sense that she hasn't had a serious injury, but that's only through luck. His attitude to her care is unacceptable and he's not keeping her safe at the most basic of levels. Kids fall and hit their heads, but they shouldn't be falling in entirely preventable scenarios.

Balloonhearts · 12/02/2026 14:56

It wasn't 1.5 meters. No dining chair, sofa or pram is that high off the ground. You'd need a bloody ladder to get up there.

Babies do fall but the issue here seems to be the tiles and his lack of supervision. Who the hell has ceramic tiles with a baby? He needs to put rugs or foam tiles down while he has her. Also needs to be watching her or put her in a secure place with nothing dangerous while he can't be watching her.

BreadstickBurglar · 12/02/2026 15:02

Honestly I’d be wondering if HE was dropped on his head as a child and that’s how he came to be so dense as to let a baby do these things.

Let me guess, he was fucking about on his phone instead of supervising? He’s a danger to his child and someone (his parents? A male friend who actually looks after his kids?) need to put the fear of god into him. Sheer luck that the baby has not been injured. Yes everyone has accidents but that’s more like someone tripping while holding a baby or not realising the baby has learnt a new skill and being caught out by them suddenly dangling off the back of a sofa! And as PP said being absolutely stricken after and resolving to do better.

CostadiMar · 12/02/2026 15:02

Put some rugs down/foam puzzles.
Falls will happen, especially now when she starts walking. BTW babies falling out of prams/cots/chairs happened to almost all of us.

Solost92 · 12/02/2026 15:07

I'm a "kids have bumps" kinda person, I've got two rough housing boys, you expect bumps and stuff. But two of those accidents were purely becuase he put her somewhere dangerous. That's not kids having bumps, that's careless parenting. I'd be highly concerned about a fall from that height onto a solid flooring like that.

Essentially you're married to a dumb ass who shouldn't be trusted to cross the street by himself.

FairKoala · 12/02/2026 15:09

Did his own free roaming and repeated falls on his head leave him so brain damaged that he can’t see consequences

He is either so brain impaired that he is not fit to look after a child or this is an extreme form of weaponised incompetence

I don’t think I could leave a child in his care again and if you divorced I would go for supervised visitation because of his mental impairment
I hope you have each and every incident logged at A&E or with a medical professional when you got her checked out after each of these falls

DrinkFeckArseBrick · 12/02/2026 15:12

I think social services would be very concerned about 3 head injuries onto ceramic tiles in this timescale. I'd be livid that he was blaming me for being over protective rather than looking at his own behaviour. I'm not sure what you can do though other than not leave them alone together / split up and get custody on the basis he isn't safe

FairKoala · 12/02/2026 15:12

Balloonhearts · 12/02/2026 14:56

It wasn't 1.5 meters. No dining chair, sofa or pram is that high off the ground. You'd need a bloody ladder to get up there.

Babies do fall but the issue here seems to be the tiles and his lack of supervision. Who the hell has ceramic tiles with a baby? He needs to put rugs or foam tiles down while he has her. Also needs to be watching her or put her in a secure place with nothing dangerous while he can't be watching her.

The chair seat plus the child’s height (head is what hit the ground not her feet so was probably around 1.5m

DrinkFeckArseBrick · 12/02/2026 15:14

Also if she had another accident and the authorities knew that you'd left he in his care after all the previous incidents I'm pretty sure they would take a dim view of you letting him look after her.

Maray1967 · 12/02/2026 15:19

Get her to a Dr.

DH gaslit me over DS at 6 months being on the sofa with him when he was tired. He insisted all would be fine when I was about to have a shower when we’d just arrived on holiday. A few minutes later I heard a thud. DS had rolled off on to the floor, hard wood, but fortunately his play mat was there. We raced to A&E and were seen quickly (France).

The French Dr made his disapproval very clear. When we’d settled both DC for the evening I gave DH the bollocking of a lifetime.

GetAbsOrDieTrying · 12/02/2026 15:20

This is absolutely ridiculous behaviour from your partner. Does he not have common sense?!

I find some men so laid back it drives me nuts! Yesterday a child at my children’s school nearly got run over thrice and the parent was nowhere in sight! Kid was on a small balance bike, age - 4 and going at top speed weaving between moving cars. It is only by Gods grace he escaped with his life! I kept asking who is this child’s parent as I couldn’t chase him while managing my own kids. And finally saw the father sauntering over 5 mins after that. The kid was by then nowhere in sight. My daughter told me that, that was the parent. He was holding school bags and the dogs leash. The kid was on the way home which involves crossing a busy street and cycling down a main street. The kid was trying to catch up to his elder sister who was on an electric scooter. But dad was least bothered and didn’t even have the children in his sights. I have no idea who to tell as this happened outside school but was thinking of running it past the school safeguarding lead. Totally daft and insane parent!

Rayqueen2026 · 12/02/2026 15:21

Are you joking, we have 9 kids and not once has any accident happened. Our 3 youngest toddlers cmon if my hubby can look after 3 at once after work and none fall on there heads etc there's something seriously wrong with yours if he can't keep one safe!!

Vaxtable · 12/02/2026 15:21

I would suggest you need to change your flooring. Put rugs down in the ceramic tiles for a start

but no he should be taking care

Maray1967 · 12/02/2026 15:21

PS the Dr made it clear it was essential we’d been to hospital and the impact was on the back of the head. Fortunately all was well, but I spent that night having to check on him every two hours. Having hit the roof with DH I made it clear I would not tolerate him overruling me on safety ever again.

FairKoala · 12/02/2026 15:23

I have known 2 people who died after falling on their heads and only a relatively short distance. (Less than 1.5 metre)

One got up and walked away then collapsed several hours later. These things can look ok but without a proper medical check, things can look ok until they are not

FairKoala · 12/02/2026 15:34

dadtoateen · 12/02/2026 14:38

He probably does need to up his game somewhat, however............

From a personal perspective, you need eyes in the back of your head at that age, certainly when they start crawling/exploring. Accidents happen, 3 in 7 months?

I'm not being all defensive to the hubby but has your child suffered any accidental bumps when in your care?

Please don't all come at me, I'm not justifying anything.

It's bloody hard this parenting lark

It is very easy this parenting lark. You don’t need eyes in the back of your head.
You just can’t turn your back on them.
Plus you need a modicum of common sense of what could happen

One of these falls was when he was supposedly watching her on the chair and it took her falling off it to get that she could overbalance and fall.
That is mental incompetence

When you go into a room with your child if you don’t know your child and what they can or can’t do and are unable to scan the room and see the dangers then it will be extremely hard.

canuckup · 12/02/2026 15:43

It's neglect.

No other word for it.

SalmonOnFinnCrisp · 12/02/2026 16:32

Whatever you do one thing is clear
You need rugs.
Lot of rugs.

He sounds a bit of a useless dick in terms of minding the baby.

But some kids are more accident prone - if I had my youngest first i'd have lost my mind...

This is a quite a time bound problem - in 6 months it'll be less of an issue it 3 yrs... not an issue.