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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Baby has repeat accidents under husbands care

119 replies

GreeneQueen · 12/02/2026 13:52

I am writing to ask if I am being unreasonable being concerned about my husbands attitude to the safety of our child. She is 15 months old and has by now suffered 3 accidents with impact to the head under his care. First two were when she was 8 months old. One, he left her unbuckled in the pram knowing that she is able to stand up. As she stood up in the pram she swung it forward and fell hitting her head on ceramic tiles. Second, he left her unsupervised on the couch and she fell backwards from sitting and hit her head on ceramic tiles. The third one was at 15 months when she newly developed the skill to climb chairs. He saw her standing on the chair and didn’t think to go up and ensure that she remains safe. Seconds later she was on the floor having hit her head on ceramic tiles. Each time there was a lot of crying and distress and a bruise. Thankfully no major consequence although I do believe that repeat impact to the head of this magnitude is not without consequences to the brain. Each time she would have been at around 1.5 meters above the ground before falling onto a hard surface. He will say things like - look at her, she is fine - after she is settled from crying. He is of the type who says that children should be free to explore and I’m a helicopter mother. This time he also said that now he will know not to leave her standing on the chair but I feel like this should be anticipated and not learnt by the parent at the potential cost of the child’s health. There were several other near misses with her being left on the couch unsupervised when she was able to roll or later when she was left unbuckled in a high chair and stood up in it. Can I please have some second opinions. For me these are preventable serious accidents and simply not acceptable. I am worried leaving her under his care.

OP posts:
1987qwerty · 12/02/2026 16:42

You sure that they are falls and not something worse?

BreadstickBurglar · 12/02/2026 17:44

I feel like everyone suggesting rugs is missing the point! The floor could be made of crash mats and it still wouldn’t be great to let a tiny baby tumble head first repeatedly onto them from a height.

Having seen PP’s post I’m also starting to wonder whether this could be deliberate harm rather than “just” neglect. 😔

My partner had two accidents with our daughter by that age (both slips/trips while I was watching) - I’ve never seen anyone so mortified and that was without any bruising/signs of injury. It is NOT normal nor humane to cause injury to your infant and be unbothered and let it happen again and again. Personally I wouldn’t be able to leave him alone with this baby for a minute, and in fact I’d have to boot him out to convey how serious this is. Your little one could die because he thinks he’s Bear Grylls and not some tosser with no care for his baby’s fragile body.

Balloonhearts · 12/02/2026 17:54

FairKoala · 12/02/2026 15:12

The chair seat plus the child’s height (head is what hit the ground not her feet so was probably around 1.5m

The average dining chair to the seat is 50cm high. Please introduce me to this metre tall baby.

EvangelicalAboutButteredToast · 12/02/2026 19:54

Fucking hell this is so awful to read. What on earth. I have no idea legally what you can do but I would be losing my mind and trying to do something.

EvangelicalAboutButteredToast · 12/02/2026 19:57

Balloonhearts · 12/02/2026 17:54

The average dining chair to the seat is 50cm high. Please introduce me to this metre tall baby.

You honestly want to pedant over exact measurements. My god I’ve heard it all now. This small child has had three head injuries under the fathers ‘care’ and god knows what else might have happened the mother doesn’t know about. Just unbelievable that you want to quibble about the measurements and if they’ve been (I assume) exaggerated. Maybe it was one of those Tripp Trapp high chair things. Who knows.

EvangelicalAboutButteredToast · 12/02/2026 20:04

I’ve just realised you are actually in a relationship with this man and not broken up!! I honestly thought these accidents were happening when he had custody. Do not leave your child in this feckless man’s sole care. Honestly I’d be doing everything I needed to do to supervise. It’s giving vibes of that American male who left his child in a boiling hot car because he wanted some time to scroll the internet in peace even though the mother had repeatedly told him to not leave the child in the car.

Feckless males don’t stop being feckless males. He has shown you he is irresponsible multiple times now, so stop playing Russian roulette with your child’s health and be proactive.

Eaglemom · 12/02/2026 20:35

Has it crossed your mind these may not be accidents? With no witnesses and repeat injuries i would be considering this possibility, as awful as that is, it does happen.
Either way, he is not fit to look after his own child. Head injuries are no joke.

MxCactus · 12/02/2026 21:16

This is horrendous. She's a baby and doesn't have co-ordination to prevent injuries. He's essentially leaving her to harm herself - even animals don't let their kids hurt themselves like this, they watch them.

He sounds completely negligent. I'd leave him

TiredofLDN · 12/02/2026 21:21

If the baby really fell 1.5m, she needs checking over at a hospital. Anything taller than a persons own height, warrants a once over.

DS stood on the back of the sofa when he was five, and fell landing squarely head first on the ONE bit of un-rugged flag floor in our living room. Probably from a height of about six feet (from his head to the floor) Took him to hospital. Had a concussion.

These things happen - particularly with more climb-y kids- but it’s how you respond to them, and mitigate them, that indicates what kind of parent one is.

Tootiredcantsleep · 12/02/2026 21:23

Obviously the 1.5m stuff is exaggeration. A baby falling whilst sat on a sofa isn't 1.5m - the same for baby in the pram, and in the chair.

But yes he needs to take more care.

Both of you need to give your head a wobble though about having uncovered ceramic tiles whilst having a mobile baby/young toddler. Yes am accident eating to happen, and the fact that you've had 3 and still haven't covered them is the most baffling thing about your thread tbh.

AfraidToRun · 12/02/2026 21:43

What is he doing when he's just leaving her to it?

ItsPoochie · 12/02/2026 21:51

Catwalking · 12/02/2026 14:42

Just don’t leave child alone with anyone you can’t trust, father or any1.

‘Just’.

So she should just do absolutely all of the looking after her child by herself forever. Just.

Never go to the supermarket without a toddler, take him to the dentist with her, do all the school drop offs and pick ups, all of the extra curriculars. Never have a night out or a weekend away.

I can’t see that having any impact at all. Just do that OP.

Nearly50omg · 12/02/2026 22:03

Why wasn’t the baby taken to hospital for checks after falling onto ceramic tiles? They would have reported you by now to SS - is that why you didn’t go to hospital?

Hankunamatata · 12/02/2026 22:06

Buy some rugs and mats?

marcyhermit · 12/02/2026 22:09

Did you witness these falls, or did you notice the head injuries and that was the story?

If she falls from a distance greater than her height she should be seen by a doctor.

I would also change the flooring or add a mat or rug as a matter of urgency.

CarrierbagsAndPJs · 12/02/2026 22:09

Nearly50omg · 12/02/2026 22:03

Why wasn’t the baby taken to hospital for checks after falling onto ceramic tiles? They would have reported you by now to SS - is that why you didn’t go to hospital?

This. You are covering up your husband’s neglect. He would have been seen by ss after the third time. Hiw do you react to him? Has this child ever been taken to the hospital after suffering these head injuries?

PinkyFlamingo · 12/02/2026 22:17

Clearly you are putting your DH above your child . No mention of A and E at all why?

Luxlumos · 12/02/2026 22:19

Head injuries need checking. A lump forming on the outside is usually ok, it’s the ones on the inside that can’t see that are dangerous.

Oblahdeeoblahdoe · 12/02/2026 22:22

Your DC should be checked out by a medical professional every time she bangs her head from that height. It might also stop him minimising the incidents. He sounds like a right idiot

99bottlesofkombucha · 12/02/2026 22:26

Your daughter is helpless and her safety is the priority. I’d tell him that and that his marriage depends on him caring about his helpless child’s safety in a proactive way, and if a worse accident happens you will know it was avoidable, he is just negligent, and you will never ever look at him the same way again.

WinterSunglasses · 12/02/2026 22:27

You need to leave. He's either incompetent and doesn't care, or he's malicious. Leave, apply for sole care, but before you go, 'accidentally' smash three of his most treasured possessions and tell him how uptight he is for caring about them.

ScarlettSarah · 12/02/2026 22:32

This is such an odd, wooden writing style. Sounds like AI.

NewHere83 · 12/02/2026 23:06

AeroChambre · 12/02/2026 13:57

It sounds like he doesn't take enough care around risks and needs to be more helicopter!

But also all this talk of ceramic tiles? With a baby? I would be betting some foam squares and rugs and mats around. I was attentive and careful and yet my dc were covered in bruises from bumps once they were mobile so I softened the environment as much as I could.

This, exactly!

MusicWasMyFirstLove · 12/02/2026 23:10

Three times is no longer accidental.
I'd be worried it's intentional.

Also, change your flooring or cover it with thick insulation and carpet.

FancyCatSlave · 12/02/2026 23:19

Clearly you haven’t sought medical
advice each time because if you had you’d have had a social services visit right now. And they wouldn’t be impressed. Quite rightly they would be asking questions.

You are complicit and leaving your child at risk of harm. Why on earth are you being so passive about it all?!

I wouldn’t be surprised if there were other injuries you aren’t aware of…