Taking 3 year old daughter into Men’s Toilets

[dadtobe22]

I just wanted a sense check here as had a horrible experience earlier.

I’m looking after my 3 year old daughter today. Took her to the zoo this morning and headed to a Toby Carvery for lunch. We were having a lovely day.

On arrival I needed to use the toilet so popped upstairs to the gents and I stood at the end urinal and told my 3 year old daughter to stand next to me by the wall.

A bloke walked in and started huffing and puffing and had a massive pop at me asking if I had “no sense” bringing a little girl into the men’s toilets. I explained I was looking after her on my own today, I couldn’t take her into the women’s and I wasn’t prepared to leave her outside.

At this point he started squaring up to me telling me I was wrong. If I’d stood up to him any further he’d have probably gone for me. I was just thinking about keeping myself and my daughter safe at this point.

I walked away and walked back down towards the restaurant. I go to sit down with my daughter and he makes a menacing bee line for me, raising his voice in the whole restaurant telling me I was wrong and how I’d made him feel uncomfortable. He also started making protestations to staff. He seemed really triggered.

Again I just walked away and took a seat in a quiet corner of the bar away from the main restaurant.

The staff were sympathetic in tone but didn’t offer any explicit support (probably because they were a bit scared of this mad bloke which I
don't blame them for. I think they were just trying to keep the peace).

Was I unreasonable to take my 3 year old daughter into the men’s toilets? I’ve been doing this since she was born and have never had a problem or complaint. I would get it if she was 8 and could wait outside by herself but she’s 3?!

It’s definitely made me re think what I do in the future in this situation.

Take her in the baby change/disabled toilet. Standing near a urinal would be inappropriate and cubicles are too small in my opinion for two people. I know being a parent is not a disability but often disabled toilets serve dual function with baby change/enough space to use travel potty’s etc.

It was a Rick and Morty reference, a heavily memed quote I thought everyone was familiar with.

They're now referred to as accessible because not everybody needing them will be technically disabled, but may still have a genuine need to use them. This doesn't include a non-disabled parent taking their non-disabled pre-school child to the toilet. Also, it stops 'hilarious' idiots from asking "But how can a toilet be disabled?!!!!"

I think most people acknowledge that the people who need these toilets will already face challenges in their lives that most people won't, so they don't begrudge them one small concession. Also, the number of accessible toilets is minuscule compared with the number of standard toilets - especially considering that a disabled person is likely to need to take longer to use and vacate a toilet - so their waiting time will be far longer anyway, just in case able-bodied people are worried about them getting unfair 'privileges'.

I agree with the comment above, that society just assumes that it's a woman's job to look after children. Imagine if every mother with a little son routinely queued up to use the disabled toilets rather than take him into the ladies', as they have always done.

On the other hand, if there's an adult-sized teenage boy with severe autism, learning difficulties or other factors that mean he still needs his mum to take him to the toilet when they're out alone... well THAT will be a genuine use of the accessible toilets.

not everybody needing them will be technically disabled, but may still have a genuine need to use them
So who are these not “technically” disabled people who have a greater need than other people to use the accessible toilets?
You can’t claim disability entitlements whilst excluding everyone else when you are no more technically disabled than the rest of the population.
I’d argue that a parent with a buggy and several small children would have a genuine need.

As a parent with a preschooler I would argue that you genuinely do require an accessible toilet though. There’s not enough room for two in a standard cubicle. Little kids deserve dignity and respect too, not having to press up against public toilets doors and walls - it’s unhygienic.

Don't use the disabled or the ladies'. Just dress your daughter in blue and cut her hair short. Numpties will think she's a boy.

No idea what you meant. I'm an adult and don't talk in meme.

Maybe use disabled toilet next time to safeguard your daughter.

We all do

Disabled toilets are for disabled people

The daughter was perfectly safe

Eh?

I’d have chosen a disabled/baby change toilet rather than the men’s and definitely in a cubicle asking your daughter to face the door. But the man was still an arse hole.

I think you and @randomchap are thinking of pictures you see on social media. That's not what I am talking about. Richard Dawkins coined the term in the 70s. It's a unit of cultural information. We all think and speak in memes. It's impossible to think without them.

I don't think the man behaved well. But he might have been distressed by the situation.

The thing is, that an astronically higher proportion of males would have had a sexual thrill being given the opportunity to expose themselves, no matter how briefly, to the girl. This kind of predatory deviance is despairingly common among men. Yes, she wasn't "hurt" but how could someone whose job it is to love, care and protect facilitate this opportunity for other men. Women do not do this.

In future, take your daughter to the disabled toilet, to ensure you don't encounter arseholes like this one! Why didn't he go into a cubicle if he was that bothered?!

YABU, should have used a stall. That is what my dad did with us.

I can assure you that all the while my daughter is in my care she is perfectly safeguarded thank you very much.

In future, if you are out with her by yourself, I would probably look for the disabled toilet as they are usually self contained. I know some people think they are only for disabled people, but that is not the intention, it is so that there is an accessible toilet available - and in an emergency I would go that route.

What a 3? Give over.

When are men getting naked to take a piss please?

She is three not 13.

When they take out their penises to wee in the urinals.

Why is it ok for a three year old to have various strange men take their knob out in her presence?

Agree with you, but places have a habit of incorporating baby changing facilities in the disabled toilet...