Taking 3 year old daughter into Men’s Toilets

[dadtobe22]

I just wanted a sense check here as had a horrible experience earlier.

I’m looking after my 3 year old daughter today. Took her to the zoo this morning and headed to a Toby Carvery for lunch. We were having a lovely day.

On arrival I needed to use the toilet so popped upstairs to the gents and I stood at the end urinal and told my 3 year old daughter to stand next to me by the wall.

A bloke walked in and started huffing and puffing and had a massive pop at me asking if I had “no sense” bringing a little girl into the men’s toilets. I explained I was looking after her on my own today, I couldn’t take her into the women’s and I wasn’t prepared to leave her outside.

At this point he started squaring up to me telling me I was wrong. If I’d stood up to him any further he’d have probably gone for me. I was just thinking about keeping myself and my daughter safe at this point.

I walked away and walked back down towards the restaurant. I go to sit down with my daughter and he makes a menacing bee line for me, raising his voice in the whole restaurant telling me I was wrong and how I’d made him feel uncomfortable. He also started making protestations to staff. He seemed really triggered.

Again I just walked away and took a seat in a quiet corner of the bar away from the main restaurant.

The staff were sympathetic in tone but didn’t offer any explicit support (probably because they were a bit scared of this mad bloke which I
don't blame them for. I think they were just trying to keep the peace).

Was I unreasonable to take my 3 year old daughter into the men’s toilets? I’ve been doing this since she was born and have never had a problem or complaint. I would get it if she was 8 and could wait outside by herself but she’s 3?!

It’s definitely made me re think what I do in the future in this situation.

Can't remember the last time I took all my clothes off in the mens toilets and got naked to take a piss. Guessing this must be why women have cubicles, so they can fully undress to have a wee?. There was me thinking you just pulled you knickers and jeans down and sat down. Silly me!

Not unreasonable but best use the disabled toilets in future.

Feel free to position your 3 year old girl next to the urinals. I’d rather keep mine away.

To me it's normalising it and where do you go with the lines about privates being private? I would go as far to say it's not far from abusive behaviour.

No, it really isn't. Providing accessible toilets is a legal and moral imperative. That does not mean exclusive or instant access. There is nothing selfish about that.

As for people parking in disabled bays - that is what makes the shop accessible so it is completely different.

The man who walked in was probably rather taken aback. He had no idea what was going on or if the man was even her father. You just never know. I've asked several men about this and they said it wouldn't feel right. Most men's natural instinct would be to be protective of a child especially in these times and this would not be appropriate.

Some thoughtful answers but mostly wrong. You did absolutely the right thing.

Like a lot of fathers I also have had to think this through for the first time the very first time it happened. The disabled toilets at Tesco Eastville, Bristol, was my safe choice but no sooner was the large door shut (it could then be seen from the main entrance) than a woman was banging on the door with a bemused security guard. I was left with no option but to take her into the gents. She played happily washing her hands while I took a pee.

Suggesting that you take your daughter into a cubicle is seeing the problem through female eyes. That nutter could have had a field day if he had seen a grown man taking a little girl into a cubicle. Yes, I suppose you could have and then kept the door open but said nutter would have him penned in

The other thing that bothers me is this fear of the child seeing another man's anatomy. Dear gawd...prudishness will not help. Don't let us go down the Disney route of rushing, on the night before the premier, to paint out Aladdin's nipples so that children wouldn't be offended.

And that's a dismissive tone if ever I saw one - seeing it through female eyes. Really? Are you mansplaining it to us with the help of your male eyes?

Is that poster a guy?

He said " like a lot of fathers" ...

I definitely think my ex stopped taking DD out places as much around that age, too small to leave on her own but old enough to stare, point and ask awkward questions. He used to say the men's toilets were generally disgusting places and that he didn't want to take her in them. I worry about DS going into the men's on his own these days, even though he's 10 he's very small and I dread to think what he might see or hear.

Man was an unnecessary dick but best to go into a cubicle in future. Better for her not to meet this type of arse and see other men weeing and also more secure so she doesn't run off. Xx

Go on, explain dodgy mind set...

A kid in the gents with their dad is safe.

You can't see blokes knobs unless you go looking. Just tell the kid to not look.

You're being completely and totally unreasonable.

I absolutely agree with you! Women take their son's to the ladies all the time.

My little niece is your DDs age and shes only alone with family members and none of us would leave her with a stranger for any reason. She is much safer with you, in the gents. Waiting quietly for you. Of course your wife is aligned, you both sound very sensible.

Tbh i wonder what was wrong with the man that he thought his screaming and shouting would be less scary then the back of some men and a tinkling sound

I think for future use a disabled/family toilet or use the cubicle

You're overreacting here. Many places have the baby changing facility in the disabled toilet - it's a convenient space for it.
It's absolutely appropriate for a parent with a small child to use the disabled toilet.

Usually there is only 1 disabled toilet and plenty of standard provision. If you are an abled-bodied person using accessible facilities, you are a selfish prick.

If the standard provision doesn’t have what you need and the accessible loo is standing empty, what’s selfish about that?
People keep emphasising the word accessible, and other people keep insisting it only means accessible for disabled people.
It doesn’t.

Other men will come in to use the cubicles, would you want to pull your knickers down and go for a wee with someone's small child looking at you! What if a paedophile came in and staryes rubbing himself because there's a small child standing there! Even a normal guy deserves dignity using a urinal! Have some discretion!

If the men are in the cubicles then nobody would see anything.

taking a child in to use the cubicle is fine. Using the disabled toilet isn’t.

the Only baby changing being in the disabled toilets is wrong and makes life harder for many disabled people. But if it’s the only baby change that’s the fault of poor planning not the people who need to quickly change a nappy.

but that doesn’t make it a free for all!

I wish some people could have even a basic understanding of how hard it is to actually go out for many disabled people due to poor facilities and people who take the piss with them