Choosing not to medicate 7yo with ADHD

[rehearseit]

My son is 7, has ADHD, and is currently not medicated. More and more people keep trying to push me towards medication. I have done a lot of research and agree that it must be life changing for some people. My reasons for not medicating are due to the fact that he does a high intensity sport that is his sole focus outside of school. He eats, sleeps and breathes it. He's obsessed with it, and it regulates him to no end. He does ok at school and whilst he struggles with focus, the only thing he is behind on is reading/phonics, but not majorly. He has great friends, is super social, yes he has big meltdowns, but things are a lot better since I have been implementing coping strategies.

Despite this, my family and a couple of friends keep ranting on about how I should 'try some meds'.

It's making me question myself and my choice.

I worry about the affect on appetite and growth, and also whether he really needs it.

AIBU to not medicate?

This.

The key difference between medicated vs non-medicated kids with ADHD I used to see as a teacher, was happiness. The kid who feels more in control of themself because the medication is helping their brain chemistry is happier. The kid who is less in control, angry at themselves for constantly needing reminders about behaviour (no matter how gently/kindly/reassuringly the teacher does it) tends to develop low self esteem and is generally less happy.

After seeing the difference in children off their meds when the medication supply was affected a few years ago, I knew I would medicate my DC (we were already on the pathway and have since been diagnosed and medicated).

Also - Don't underestimate the impact being a less-able reader at this stage can have. Yes, some children catch up, but there is a lot of evidence on reading ability and future outcomes.

I can sympathise. My 12-year-old son has ADHD. The doctors recommended medication for him when he was diagnosed 2 years ago but I was really reluctant, because I foolishly thought it was something that could be rectified through discipline and perserverance. But DS has the attentive ADHD not the bad behaviour type, he was struggling with school and kept zoning out at football if he heard noises or saw something like a bird. Even when we went shopping he'd be completely distracted by other people.

But then i realised, he cant carry on like this its not fair on him. So I agreed to try medication and his concentration has improved tenfold.

Medication wont stop your son playing his sport and going to school with it, it just helps level out his energy. In fact, the medication might help him sleep better.

I'm not against it this is the thing, I just don't think he needs it now. I can see a lot of people disagree though. I'm not anti medication. I took anti depressants for a number of years. I guess I just don't see the logic when his behaviour and school work is improving term on term with what I'm already doing.

I think the only opinions that matter are yours and his father's, his teachers', his doctors' and his.

But I'd keep a few things in mind. If he struggles with emotional regulation that may start having an impact on his ability to make and maintain friendships. His peers are likely to mature faster than him in this and the gap between them may increase. For some children with ADHD, this is very upsetting.

I can't tell if you're not medicating because you think it might affect his sporting performance or because you think the sport is regulating him enough? I'm not sure there's any evidence for the former fear.

Medication isn't all or nothing. Lots of children medicate for school and don't use it during the holidays. Or they medicated until their brain matures enough to implement other strategies.

7 is still very young. Demands at school are going to increase. I think you can say, it's not the right choice now, but also stay open to it in the future.

With you saying you don't think he needs it, that suggests you are against the medication.

Your son's behaviour may be improving, but ADHD means his brain has to work twice as hard to focus as others. By the sound of it, your son's sleep is completely unregulated, and the medicine can help with that.

Please give it a try.

Yes but what I'm trying to say is you might not be aware just how much he needs it, until you try it. You may feel he doesn't need it, but sometimes you don't know until you try. You may think he doesn't currently need it and you may be right. But you also might be unaware on just how much more happy he could be on them. Even if he seems happy now!

Has he been offered medication by his clinician?

I think you're doing him a disservice to rule out trialling something that could improve his life experience.

I would certainly recommend revisiting the decision as he approaches the end of primary, and as he's getting into the teenage years. They really can be wonder drugs for some people.

Elsewise it sounds like you're doing all the best things for him and he's doing well

It doesn't mean I'm against it. It means I am open to it in the future if I feel he needs it. I'm not anti-meds, or against meds in general.

It was discussed but not before I tried other things, which is essentially what I'm doing now.

You say his behaviour is fine and then say it’s improving. Which is it?

I'm not worried about his sporting performance per se, we do it for fun rather than to win, though I do worry about the increase in heart rate and blood pressure for a child who does high intensity sport most days and his diagnoser was also mindful of this.

12 years ago I could have written this. Albeit the reason for not medicating was not sport. My son was diagnosed with ADHD at aged 7. Medication was strongly recommended and pushed. Infact the (NHS) doctor said to me and him “if you don’t take this, you won’t do well at school and you won’t have a good future”.

My son tried medication and hated it, he felt “sleepy and not himself”. He was not my son and he never again used the medication. He always knew he could change his mind. He did struggle with organisation and focus and fidgeting but found his own coping mechanisms.

My daughter, who was very high achieving at age 13 had all manner of mental health issues, and, then was diagnosed with ADHD. She decided to take medication and continues to do so. For her it was life changing. She got exceptional a levels and is in her final year at university and has a graduate job lined up.

My son meanwhile, got four A’s at A levels and is now at university. He is sociable, dynamic, and happy, sometimes disorganised and tends to procrastinate.

Two children, both with ADHD, one medicated, one not. I could not be prouder of either of them.

Everyone is different. Do not be pressured to try medication, but make your child part of the decision.

hope this helps.

I think you're being incredibly picky here. His behaviour used to be a big struggle with huge meltdowns but only outside of school, at school I have never been called or had to have a meeting regarding his behaviour, he has friends and is really engaged with the work, the teachers have no concerns and says he just has his moments but not to a point that it is disruptive - it's occasional. He is no longer on an EHAP and is struggling with phonics. He was three groups behind, last term he was two groups behind, now he is one group behind. Maths he is working ahead.

I think you have framed the Aibu wrong. You should have said “my dc has adhd which is well controlled at school but occasionally causes meltdowns in safe spaces with family. For a number of reasons I don’t think now is the right time to consider medication and dc’s clinician -greed for now. Aibu to tell my family to respect my decision and stop pestering me to medicate my dc?”

To answer that I think we’d need to know what kind of scale and frequency of meltdowns your family witness and is it for example affecting time spent with siblings or cousins?

Due to my profession, I absolutely see value in adaptive strategies. I think they are essential. However, I also think medication can be life-changing.
One of your reasons for not taking it is that fact that he "lives and breathes" high intensity sport. This very much sounds like hyperfocus typical for ND people. This may be cute in a child but as an adult, it can lead to some pretty unhealthy behaviours. I also experience it at times with a specific activity. I get so hyperfocused on it that I forget to eat, sleep, go to the toilet not to mention bore everyone stiff taking about it. There is no medication for my condition, otherwise I'd be the first one in line for it.

You say no meltdowns at school but you also say "He's thriving at school but just struggles with emotional regulation, which is also improving." So he has some emotional regulation issues or "his moments" as his teachers put it.

He is on his own desk away from the other children and whilst the fidget toys help him they also distract him and others who want to play whilst they work. I used to be the one sitting on that table with that child. There are teachers on here telling you how it helps them in school. You only see him outside of the classroom environment.

Parents often say, "Has he had a good day?" and the response could be well first thing he was great,out his coat away, sat nicely for register but once we moved onto maths the lack of focus meant they were staring out the window/at the ceiling/pulling up their socks, deliberately dropping the pencil on the floor. We had to remove him from the classroom to burn off some of that energy then came back but only had 3 minutes before it was break time and then we can't remove break time as a punishment because the TA also needs a break and we need them running around.

When we came back we had moved onto English which they loved so they were engaged. Lunch was awful as he had a fight with his best mate, refused to eat his lunch. That led to sulking and head in hands after lunch when we were doing some interesting work on Egyptians. Then at break he and his best mate made up so after break he was great. How would you describe that day?

You don't get told the minutiae of his day, he comes out smiling, he is happy. He has forgotten his fight with his best mate and has unfinished work that we have no time to go back for as it is moving on. Schools will not call you for what they consider minor issues otherwise we would be ringing some parents 4 times a day. As you rightly said, teachers have said to you he has his moments.

You are going to start adding hormones into this soon and harder work, more focused work. The jump from year 2 to 3 is quite a bit as they get given more responsibility, homework diary for instance that they write in every day. I just want you to see the other side.

That's so much more eloquent than me ha!

He has no siblings or cousins, but I would say he has a big meltdown around every 4/5 weeks which will include shouting, screaming and throwing things. Never hurting anyone. I appreciate this isn't normal, though the frequency and intensity are reducing significantly.

Just feel very conflicted at the moment. It's hard.

This article isn’t entirely about this question, but it does have a section on why medication isn’t always the right choice.

I think as parents we sometimes have to trust our own instincts. Other people will have different views and experiences, but that is for them, not for you.

https://www.theguardian.com/news/2026/feb/10/what-i-see-in-clinic-is-never-a-set-of-labels-are-we-in-danger-of-overdiagnosing-mental-illness?CMP=Share_iOSApp_Other

“Fix” his brain? 😥
As a teacher you should be ashamed of your lack of ND awareness. It’s something I’d expect a a stuck in their ways 90 year old to come out with😣

I’m in the ‘don’t if you don’t need it’ camp. It’s essentially speed isn’t it? (Please correct me if that’s wrong). Which is/was an illegal drug?

adhd is a spectrum, at one end is a completely different thing to the other. I think they should be called different things.

I teach children with severe adhd, they definitely definitely need the medicine.

but I also know children who whilst they do have adhd, it isn’t the same thing as the severe kind, and actually diet and exercise is enough to keep it at bay.

You know your own child. The posters here saying ‘definitely do it’ may well have children who definitely need it, but yours might not.

So why do you think your family and friends are suggesting medication?

That’s confusing me if school isn’t suggesting it what are they seeing

Personally, having been a mainstream and SENd teacher, and now a SENd parent - none of that comes into our decision making.

I totally appreciate that our son can be difficult to manage at school, at points. There is resentment from the other children because he has a 1:1, and more outside time because it helps him regulate. The other 9 year olds don’t recognise that it helps him regulate, they’re kids, they just see someone getting more break than they are.

Honestly, couldn’t be less interested. If he’s making progress at school, and they’re not seeing the level of behaviour that we manage at home, I would never medicate my child because a teacher said it was best - even having been one.

Teachers aren’t the decision makers on our kids, we are, and if I didn’t think it was for the best, it still wouldn’t happen.

Because they think it's the done thing, I guess. The only person in my family who thinks I shouldn't seems to be my dad, who is a GP of 30+ years! He doesn't specialise in ADHD, but is very knowledgeable.

From what you’ve said - skinny and active - I think I’d focus more on getting more protein into him. With my youngest her behaviour was linked to being starving all the time - growth and super active. That might be a focus for now rather than meds?

id be open to trialling low dose meds before secondary to see how it helps or doesn’t before a change in education environment.