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AIBU?

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Original poster

is 11 too young for a going into town alone?

115 replies

PeanutPies · 10/02/2026 21:23

My daughter has been invited for a friends meet-up- the plan is to be dropped at the friends place and then a group of them (4 girls) walk into town for a few hours and then walk back to the friends house. The host lives about 10 mins from the town- and my daughter will be having her phone. However she has not been into town without adult supervision before- I think it's all the news you hear nowadays that's making me nervous. I know she needs to learn to be independent just not sure of when is the right time-

OP posts:
CarefullyCuratedFurniture · 10/02/2026 21:24

It will be fine. She's with friends and she has her phone. In most big cities, children start going to school alone at this age.

MyBestThing · 10/02/2026 21:25

I think 11 is too young, mine were nearer 15 but we lived in a village so they had no experience of urban environments.

Original poster
PeanutPies · 10/02/2026 21:26

Thank you @CarefullyCuratedFurniture - I told myself the same thing. Until my husband walked in and said he was not comfortable- then my anxious mind went into an overdrive as now I know if something goes wrong- its a bit of I told you so...

OP posts:
Helpwithdivorce · 10/02/2026 21:26

It’s fine. My daughter has been going in to town for months and she’s about to turn 12. She’s going with friends and it’s not far

ClaudiasDreadfulEyeliner · 10/02/2026 21:27

When did you start doing this growing up @PeanutPies ?

I was 11, in a nice market town, one other friend with me, early noughties. I had very strict parents too. It seems like a sensible age to me.

Offmybloodybulbs · 10/02/2026 21:28

She isn't alone - she's with three friends. Seems good to me. Presumably she is going to secondary in September so she is going to have to start to build independence before then. This seems sensible, obviously I don't know if there is something particularly worrying about your town - you said you were worried about stuff in the news - what happened?

Chestnutmarenutjob · 10/02/2026 21:28

I think it depends what you mean by ‘town’. We live rurally so going into town would be a small town where my kids attend the only primary and high school.

town as in a city, I wouldn’t let my 12 year old. But then she’d need to get a train for 45 mins to and from said ‘town’.

can you track her?

InfoSecInTheCity · 10/02/2026 21:29

If your daughter is generally sensible then I think it’s fine. Mine is and is also 11 and a few weeks ago her and her friend went round town for a few hours. We live a bit further away so I drove them in then went off and waited and waited and waited and tried to fill time while they slowly wandered around. I made sure she knew a couple of easy to find landmarks to re-orient herself if she got turned around and that her phone was charged, switched on and had location enabled so I could find her if I needed.

They really enjoyed it and came back glowing with their independence. I was a bored but nervous wreck for most of it but it proved she was ready.

ToadRage · 10/02/2026 21:37

I think that should be alright as long as she's fairly sensible. I grew up in the country but was allowed to get on a train into the nearest city to go shopping alone from the age of 12. I didn't have a phone at that age but my Mum trusted me to not get into trouble. She is with friends and has a phone so it should be ok.

AgnesMcDoo · 10/02/2026 21:39

I was quite happy to let my DD do this at that age.

Alouest · 10/02/2026 21:44

This is completely normal. A ten minute walk into town to hang out for a few hours is absolutely fine. This is less than lots of children of this age walk to school. And she is with friends. Just make it really clear that they should not leave anyone on their own and they will have a great time (and feel very grown up).

At 11 lots of children in London are getting the tube and bus to school and travelling for at least half an hour. I wouldn't have batted an eyelid at this plan.

deedee176 · 10/02/2026 21:44

Crikey, my son went with a friend to Chessington on their own in Year five. A parent made sure they all got on the right train from Waterloo but we’d talked it all through beforehand with plenty of us contactable immediately should they need. They got home fine with no help. Shock - no issues and they had a fab time! And loads since. It’s not all scary and bad out there…

Original poster
PeanutPies · 10/02/2026 21:55

Thank you all for your comments - to answer a few of your queries and to give context - Husband and I are not from the UK but lived here for the passed 20 odd years- I was not really encouraged to be independent -driven everywhere - I had to fight hard to get into a public transport. This is the reason why im keen for my daughter to be independent and step through it in a sensible manner- she is usually sensible and I have an apple tracker which she has in her purse. I suffer with anxiety but trying hard not to let my anxiety make decisions- husband won't take these kind of decisions as he always veers towards the safest option which in this case is don't go

OP posts:
Platypus7 · 10/02/2026 21:57

As others said, it all depends what you mean by town. At the age of 11 I was catching a bus into the centre of a big city and another bus out again to get to school, and frequently met up with friends in the same city at weekends.

My DD at the same age wanted to go into our local smaller city with her friends, so I went in with them but just stayed in a cafe/ did my own shopping so I was nearby if they needed me.

If it’s literally a town I would be fine. If it’s a city and the first time I would maybe want an adult to be nearby? But then again they’ve all got phones!

LifeBeginsToday · 10/02/2026 21:59

I'd let them as long as they won't get scared when security follow them around. My girls were 13 ish when they went and they are always being followed especially when in groups.

EmeraldShamrock000 · 10/02/2026 21:59

Is it a countryside town or a big city? I live in a city and wouldn’t allow an 11 year old walk about freely. Too many thieves and addicts.

Jellybean23 · 10/02/2026 22:02

It depends on how you have brought her up to some extent. Have you taught her to cross roads safely, buy things in shops with you looking on etc. I let my kids go into town at eleven. With three friends for company, she should be fine.

Peridoteage · 10/02/2026 22:05

Define "town"? Central london or Manchester- not for a first timer.

Local town/small city - fine? Lots of secondary age kids will travel through town to school daily with their friends aged 11.

Original poster
PeanutPies · 10/02/2026 22:05

It's a home county town- mid size. She has lived here all her life and I have made her pay for stuff when we go out for a coffee etc. Sam with road safety-have spoken to her about stranger danger etc

OP posts:
Unexpectedlysinglemum · 10/02/2026 22:08

I’d feel safer with her in a town with cctv everywhere than in a quiet village surrounded by woods with rapists potentially jumping out of bushes

CoodleMoodle · 10/02/2026 22:18

My DD is 11 (nearly 12) as well. I wouldn't let her walk to town with her friends yet, but I would drop her off at the shops and wait for her/pick her up again. Our town centre is fairly small and she knows her way around very well.

She walks to and from school on her own, which is about 25mins. The walk to town is a similar length but the roads are a lot busier so I wouldn't feel as comfortable yet. I'd maybe let her get the bus but she probably wouldn't feel confident enough to do that by herself.

clary · 10/02/2026 22:32

Yes it is fine for sure. All of mine were rising 11 (year 6) when they first met friends in town (maybe dropped by me or going on the bus).

Has she had some independence already @PeanutPies ? I am thinking walking to the local shop to get milk, meeting a friend to go to the movies just them (you drop and collect) or walking home from school without a parent? Does she get left at home now and then when you go out? Those were my first steps with my DC. I might be a bit more wary of the trip to town if they had not done any of those things.

clary · 10/02/2026 22:41

Wow some of these responses!

Those of you who say 11 is too young, not if it's a city – you do know that thousands of DC aged 11 and over go to school in London on the tube and the bus on a daily?

And the country – with rapists jumping out of bushes? They really are not. I mean is that what people really imagine? It’s worrying tbh. Gosh we need to live our lives. Yes I know people get attacked but the reason you hear about it is bc it is very very rare. You don't hear about road crash deaths bc sadly it is much more common.

In terms of safety @PeanutPies – the safest thing is to give your growing up daughter some safe steps towards independence – of which this is one. If you never let her do things for herself until she is 15 it will not be helpful. She needs to learn to meet an issue (went to buy milk, didn't have enough money for sweets as well) and deal with it (bought cheaper sweets). That's how we can rear our DC to be young adults.

Folksline · 10/02/2026 22:54

I think it's fine. My dds started going to school on their own in central London since Year 7 and it's full of 11 year olds making their way across the city. It's the right age to start being independent with friends. They do need to be prepared by learning to navigate on their own, use public transport etc, but that's something we've done since the dcs were tiny.

PurpleLovecats · 10/02/2026 22:58

Absolutely fine.

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