is 11 too young for a going into town alone?

[PeanutPies]

My daughter has been invited for a friends meet-up- the plan is to be dropped at the friends place and then a group of them (4 girls) walk into town for a few hours and then walk back to the friends house. The host lives about 10 mins from the town- and my daughter will be having her phone. However she has not been into town without adult supervision before- I think it's all the news you hear nowadays that's making me nervous. I know she needs to learn to be independent just not sure of when is the right time-

Mine went into London ( 30 mins on train) when they were 11. No trackers or phones back then.

Year 5 as in aged 9/10?

Chessington from memory don’t allow kids in unsupervised, think it’s now 12 and over without an adult but am sure it use to be a bit older then that.

Given that they are travelling to secondary school by themselves I don't see why you wouldn't allow this. It doesn't do them any good to baby them.

This sounds totally fine.

Worth examining why you are worrying. What are these "things you hear on the news"? Do you hear of groups of 11 year old girls being attacked/abducted in a busy shopping centre in the middle of the day?

Also, worth considering if you think she is too young, when you will think she is old enough and what will be different between then and now.

Why are you making a distinction between Y6 and Y7? It's not the year group she is in but the level of maturity and independence she has.

At 11 in year 7 this began for us with dtds (not dd1 due to covid when she was 11). We went into town and had a coffee so we were around. I asked for a plan too - which shops are you visiting type plan to help her rather than hanging on benches.

What if they have a falling out and your daughter ends up walking off on her own? It happens a lot with girls especially. I wouldn’t let my daughter walk off anywhere alone until she was strong enough to fight someone off or be mature enough to cope in a dodgy scenario or difficult situation and 11 is way too young

my daughter will be having her phone. However she has not been into town without adult supervision before- I think it's all the news you hear nowadays that's making me nervous.

What do you hear in the news about young people having a stroll around town?

I find it a bit surprising that she has access to a mobile, yet you're feeling anxious about her exploring the real world. What exactly are you worried about?

11 is actually a great age to start going around town with a friend or sibling. I’d probably stay nearby at first, maybe in a café, just to keep an eye out in case she needs help.

Does she have a bank card?

I’d likely take her out myself the first time, letting her guide through the route and choose where to go, speaking with shop assistants. I started doing this with my kids when they were about 9. It also depends a bit on where you live London or Birmingham might feel different from a smaller town. Tell them to Never Ever cross a red light even if their giddy friends do. Talk to her about peer pressure and having awareness about who is around her, behind her etc. It's a normal life skill and perfectly safe.

My son is 11 and walks through town to get to school and back every day. He is fine with friends or on his own.

I tend to be on the cautious side on MN (eg no overage films etc).
But i would be happy with a group of 4 friends walking a short distance into and then around a familiar town.
Talk through a few 'what ifs' and let her enjoy it.

If in year 7 then ok for me although daughter is july born.
At first I'd hang around in shops, until confident e.g where to find toilet

BTW I think you are fine to say you are not comfortable and would rather be around. One of dds friends wasn't allowed until almost 13 and noone gave her a hard time over it.

I'd definitely allow it. I honestly don't see what can realistically happen, she has her phone if she needs you. Don't be the over protective parent out of the 4 that says no

She's not going to be alone! She's going to be with her friends.

DS started going into town with friends in Y6 so he would have been 10. We lived in a village so they caught the bus in and I went to pick them up. DS didn't have his own mobile but we had an ultra cheap, PAYG "house" mobile that the DC got issued with if they were going into town etc. so they could call if there was an issue.

Only you know how sensible your dd is. But if there are no concerns about her ability to cope, then you need to let her start to have some independence.

At 11 I started secondary school in a different town where I only knew one other person, and she wasn't in my year. I had to catch a train and then a bus. No mobiles back then, although I did have 10p for a pay phone! Plus I didn't know the town at all. I think we've lost our sense of what risk is.

Oh it's usual for 11 year olds to make their own way. If still in primary as practice for secondary

Mind you I come from the days when all kids made their way to school by themselves after about 7

And move were allowed into our " town" from about 10 onwards. Which is t really one high street.

After about 11 they could go to the next town on the bus . Usually only went there for Primark or cinema. My DS went regular between towns on train as he is dad lived in one a few stops away

With friends I think it’s ok.

my ds1 is 12 and I’d be ok with this. In fact I would encourage.

And what if you live in a town like mine where it's basically one high street and not know for " dodgy" types hanging around during the day?

Depends where you live I think, I live in a rough area there is no way my son is going on the bus alone. Too many nutters.

If you live in a rough area then it's even more essential for your kids to get a bit streetwise

How will they cope at 15 if all the other kids have developed 5 years old streetsmarts and they are still green ?

At the age of 12 I was moved from a riverside village to east London. I had to become street savvy pretty quickly I tell you.

Generally I think 11 is fine for this. But it does depend on the town. Our local smallish town I would be absolutely ok with. Our nearest big town is Croydon and I wouldn’t be comfortable letting a group of 11 year old girls wander around there on their own.

I disagree but that’s my opinion. Maybe when he’s a bit older but absolutely not at 11 does a child need to encounter nutters on their own to learn to be streetwise

I live in a city and my daughter could meet a friend in town on the bus from 12 so walking into a town with friends for a couple hours seems totally to me. Just make sure she knows she can ask to get picked up at any time, no judgement and make sure she has her card topped up so she can get a drink or earrings or whatever you think is reasonable for a budget.

There are some small home counties towns where I would hesitate to say an 11yo would necessarily be safe. But most towns will be fine.

It depends on the child and also the town. My DS was very sensible and street wise at that age and was fine going into town with his mates on his own. But my DD was completely clueless!

When she started wanting to go into town with friends (in year 7 I guess so she would have been 11) we had to build up to it. This was a town centre she’d been to countless times before with us, but when it came to navigating herself she realised she didn’t know how to get from the train station to the shops, or where certain shops were as she had never paid attention when with us! Many of her friends were the same and actually asked for a parent to be around in town in case they needed us.

At first we said she had to stay within the shopping centre (I was also in the shopping centre in a cafe so close by). Then once she was confident of knowing the way to get from the shopping centre to say Primark, she was allowed to do that too…again, with me or another parent around town too. I reckon we had to do this about 5 or 6 times before we and they were confident they could go by themselves!

Mine both started going into town with friends the summer between Y6 and Y7, one of them was only just 11 at that point. I drop them off/pick up, the first time they went in, I did something else in town so I was nearby if needed.
we live in a mid size town (around 120,000) with crap public transport.