Direct report sent me a voice note feeling sorry for themselves

[Mistymeg]

AIBU. I’m not your mum. I’m your VP. She isn’t genZ, she is in her late 30s and is Director level.

We work at an American tech company, it’s beyond start up; hundreds of millions $$ turn over a year but still has the start up feel.

I’ve know this direct report from our last company but didn’t manage her. She started four months ago (I’m quite new too) and she has been off sick a good few times. Has two young kids and it’s been for a day or so but last week was most of the week.

On Monday she said she needed to go offline and was sick. I told her sorry to hear and let me know i could do anything. The next day she was back online, sounded awful in calls but she’s an adult (and director) I let her make her own decisions.

All of Wednesday she is offline, meetings cancelled, didn’t hear a word until Thursday when she sends me a long voice note on WhatsApp along the lines of….. sorry she’s been MIA, hasn’t known what to say, she stated that leaders are reliable and seemingly she has taken time off again for illness again. Told me it was flu and secondary bacterial sinus infection and needed antibiotics, that she just spoke to HR who encouraged her to get a GP note and keep me informed. Then spoke about her iron deficiency and that was the root cause of the immune system challenges. Even went into her iron levels and why it’s so bad with two young kids in flu season and how she feels so bad about missing work.

I get it totally but a single message would have been fine. I don’t need a long emotional WhatsApp voice note and GP note. I just need you to get better and let me know if I can take work while you’re gone. She said being a leader is showing the human side and that she’s never been so unwell in her life to catch flu then had the most excruciating head pressure due to the bacterial sinitius that followed, she stated we too work for a tech start up who has a value to ‘be human’ and not a big corporate bank. AIBU?

Yeah, I think YABU. It sounds like she's having a hard time. There is more to leadership than just the work.

I can't stand voice notes! I know someone who sends them and just rambles on and on. I used to listen to it all to see if there's a point to it, but now I just message back saying, "Can you put that in writing?"

I'm sure you can listen to it in work hours when you are paid, colleagues talk and moan all the time at work. She is explaining her absence and showing her human side, you just sound mean and maybe jealous of her.

Sickness and stress makes people act in odd ways. I wouldn't read too much into it.

Some people feel like they have to really justify taking time off for sickness so people don't think they're slacking. If she's been off a bit this winter she's probably worried about her performance.

I hate voice notes but it sounds like she's new, recognises she's had more time off than she'd like and is trying to explain why and it's an underlying health condition that impacts her immune system, which with young children means you are likely to catch everything and anything this time of year. YABU. Have you referred to OH given the underlying condition?

I think you’ve taken the hard nosed take no shit boss bitch persona a tadge too far.

The people you manage are literally the reason part or all of your job exists. They aren’t pawns on a chessboard and people tend to try and move on from jobs where they are made to feel as if they are.

Of course we just want them to turn up and do their bloody jobs but we are all real people with our own lives. She’s clearly feeling very guilty and worried and anxious about all the time she’s taking off and is over explaining to get ahead of it. Be warm and gentle with her now and raise it as an issue if it is one when she’s back.

Some people need a bit more cosseting to get the best out of them, some take the piss, some like it totally professional. Your job is partly to figure that out. Don’t be so wedded to your own persona and self image you can’t adapt to get the best from your team.

Direct report. AKA human being. 🙄

As her manager, you have a duty of care to this woman. I don't think she's done anything wrong - she might have rambled a bit, but she's ill - she's not going to be fully 'with it' and concise. You should be glad she's communicating with you and asking for support to get back to work. It's much easier to manage absence when staff are open with you and want to talk.

Yes YABU.

It's a bit weird that you've gone onto a public internet forum to complain she sent you a voice note rather than an email.

It's mildly annoying but would illicit no more than an eye-roll in most people that she chose that method of communication.

The main thing is, she sounds as though she's really struggling.

Sure, it sounds a bit rambling, but ultimately it’s no different from a voicemail - which used to be considered the only acceptable way in many workplaces to give notice that you were going to be off sick if you couldn’t get through with a call, emails or text messages or other methods where your voice couldn’t be heard were often considered unprofessional.

You’re a human, working among humans. I’m not sure why it would offend you that somebody who is new and clearly conscious they’ve had a lot of time off sick is opting for the human touch in explaining it.

Yikes, you’re being a bit harsh. Sounds like she feels like absolute shit and is struggling with taking off time to get better - she obviously feels pressure and no doubt has pressures at home with small kids.

I don’t think she’s done anything wrong, she maybe just has a different communication style to you. You like to keep things short and sweet and keep personal / emotional out of things and she’s obviously got a different approach. The fact she’s mentioned about ‘showing the human side’ could actually be her acknowledging this difference between you. I’d take it as feedback tbh. I think showing our human side at work is important and even if you don’t, it’s always good to acknowledge and accommodate different styles in communication and values.

If she's got flu then she might be a bit over emotional. For some reason whenever I get flu I get very weepy.

Not unreasonable.

She’s an adult, decided she’s too ill to work. All I’d want to know is what she had on that’s pressing, so I could get that dealt with and when to expect a “fit note”. Job done, see you when you are better.

She is probably really run down and on top of that panicking a bit that she's been off so often in a new position. Especially in an organisation that has a 'start up feel' as you say. If you previously said to her 'is there anything I can do', don't just do performative support, let that be real. The least you can do is listen to the note, take on board that she's having health issues, and not judge her for it. Maybe at some point you will need to involve occupational health. At the moment, just let her get better.

I don’t fully understand, was she saying that she values that the company has a human element, or she is stressed because she feels under pressure to work despite being ill? I think the detail about her iron and kids was a bit unnecessary but I guess she wanted to prove she is actually ill and not skiving. It’s not something I would do but I guess some people are a bit more open than others

Has it occurred to you to wonder why she feels she needs to justify herself at such length to you? Having worked for you for four months, does she feel you are someone who judges people harshly? It seems she may not be wrong.

As this seems to be about professional behaviour in the workplace, how professional is it to post medical information about a direct report, who trusts you as her manager, on a public forum? If what you have posted is accurate, your colleague is identifiable. As are you.

Have you considered what happens if your colleague finds this post? Apart from feeling hurt and betrayed, she would be perfectly justified in raising it with your company. If you reported to me, and I became aware of this post, hers would not be the professionalism I would be questioning.

I can’t stand voice notes either, and also ask people to type a message.

Other than that it doesn’t sound like she’s that U.

She might be a report to you but she is also a human being.

If I were you, I'd be thinking about why she feels the need to send you a lengthy voice message justifying why she has been off. I imagine it's because you give off a vibe of not giving a tiny fuck about your employee's welfare.

I think she's feeling really guilty about being off so much and worried about her job, she is trying to fill in the detail to make sure you understand she's not just swinging the lead. A bit OTT just let it go?

She's a human not a robot. She's trying to give context as she's aware she's been ill a lot and feels bad about it. Surely as her manager you are the exact person she should be telling this too without you being irritated and spreading it on the internet.

You actually sound callous.

I would find this very irritating. You don’t need the life story.

Im glad you told us you are VP of a multi million dollar company though.

It was too much for you to listen to but yet posting it on here for others to take the time to read is perfectly reasonable..?

If one of my team sent me a message like this I would be concerned and offer them support.
You don't sound like a very supportive boss.