Direct report sent me a voice note feeling sorry for themselves

[Mistymeg]

AIBU. I’m not your mum. I’m your VP. She isn’t genZ, she is in her late 30s and is Director level.

We work at an American tech company, it’s beyond start up; hundreds of millions $$ turn over a year but still has the start up feel.

I’ve know this direct report from our last company but didn’t manage her. She started four months ago (I’m quite new too) and she has been off sick a good few times. Has two young kids and it’s been for a day or so but last week was most of the week.

On Monday she said she needed to go offline and was sick. I told her sorry to hear and let me know i could do anything. The next day she was back online, sounded awful in calls but she’s an adult (and director) I let her make her own decisions.

All of Wednesday she is offline, meetings cancelled, didn’t hear a word until Thursday when she sends me a long voice note on WhatsApp along the lines of….. sorry she’s been MIA, hasn’t known what to say, she stated that leaders are reliable and seemingly she has taken time off again for illness again. Told me it was flu and secondary bacterial sinus infection and needed antibiotics, that she just spoke to HR who encouraged her to get a GP note and keep me informed. Then spoke about her iron deficiency and that was the root cause of the immune system challenges. Even went into her iron levels and why it’s so bad with two young kids in flu season and how she feels so bad about missing work.

I get it totally but a single message would have been fine. I don’t need a long emotional WhatsApp voice note and GP note. I just need you to get better and let me know if I can take work while you’re gone. She said being a leader is showing the human side and that she’s never been so unwell in her life to catch flu then had the most excruciating head pressure due to the bacterial sinitius that followed, she stated we too work for a tech start up who has a value to ‘be human’ and not a big corporate bank. AIBU?

It was probably the "im not your mum" and reference to Gen Z etc tbh op. That would have made people assume you, as the manager, were a bitch.

When like I say, she's done absolutely nothing wrong.

You sound really cold. She sounds like she feels shit for missing so much work right at the start of her time with the company. She’s just trying to explain.

Ehm, but surely you can see why you get your arse handed to you in either version?!

Sending rambling voice notes to your boss is totally unreasonable. Just follow your normal procedure for reporting absences. Your boss doesn't care about the minute details.

Being a manager and getting upset about receiving a rambling voicemail is also totally unreasonable. Just tell your employee how to report absences; understand they are probably panicking about being seen negatively and cut them some slack.

Jealous of what? 😂

Why should she spend her work time listening to long rambling voice notes when she has her own work to do 😂

And reading her update that it was a reserve says it all, a drama queen looking for attention. If your sick follow procedure and let them know simple, don't send your boss long voicenotes with unnecessary information.

@mistymegbecause it was totally unnecessary and just because I was feeling sorry for myself. No need in a professional context it’s not like it’s a long term
illness where I might need to explain more

It's beyond unprofessional to be giving your iron levels all other health details to your VP in a WhatsApp voice note, yes. Do you not see a problem with that? It's also unprofessional to come on here and try and paint your manager like the cruel, callous person. And if you are wondering why people are reacting differently after your update, it's because you have put words and thoughts in your manager's mouth that did not happen.

Read OP's updates. Her manager never said or thought these things.

YABU. You don’t sound fit to be in your position and should have some empathy. Shameful attitude.

I hate voice notes so in that sense YANBU. I do see what you mean and I’m quite hard nosed as well but I remember sending a rambling email to my boss last year when I was sick explaining what was going on. I cringe a bit now but I was off my head with medication so maybe wasn’t thinking.

she maybe does sound a bit needy and some people are like this but if she otherwise performs well despite the sickness episodes and you value her in the team then I can’t see a problem.

i will also say that having young kids and going through a winter of bugs and sickness can almost break the most professional and driven person, definitely did for me but I got through it.

It is true that people automatically argue with the OP. I think your reverse has proved the bias on here.

Having said that, I was one on the few to agree with your original persona and say your voice note as an employee was irritating, sorry ;-)

If this was an experiment then you have obviously brought your own biases to your OP, so it’s not an accurate representation.

Doubt one person would have stood by me and said anything like they have on this thread.

I always thought the direct report was being unreasonable, from the start.

This. I’m a VP at a tech company and understand that people who report in to me are people with emotions. You lack empathy and need to acknowledge that you are no more important than her despite the job title.

OP no one likes a reverse. It's a waste of people's time. It's the manner in which you've described the OP that has led to the responses. If you wrote it from your actual point of view, it would have come across completely differently.

I am confused by your reverse. Do you know that your boss has all these negative thoughts about your long voice note or are you simply projecting that because she hasn’t responded. Are you back at work yet, you seem to have a lot of spare energy?

Honestly neither of you sound great. If you know as a director that your VP line manager is direct and to the point, then you tailor your upward management accordingly. If you have been off a lot, she is possibly referring to HR in terms of her response or perhaps she has simply been too busy to get back to you.

Honestly rather than pointless AIBU you would be better putting together a good rationale as to why you won’t be off sick in future and crafting your CV as if you aren’t already, you will be put on attendance management when you go back and saying that your line manager is robotic is not an adequate defence.

Voicenotes like that are incredibly unprofessional.

I think you've taken the whole American thing a bit too far. Last time I checked they were still another country

Voted YABU. In all honesty, I would find this annoying too, but if she genuinely has actual flu and a bacterial infection then a bit of needy rambling is forgivable.

I must say I chuckled at your repeated use of the phrase 'she stated' which isn't exactly very human-sounding. Makes me think of a robot, or perhaps a police officer trying to sound official in court. There may be a clash of styles going on here.

It's not bias. OP has provided two scenarios where the OP has been unreasonable. A boss who gets annoyed about an employee's voicemail is unreasonable and an employee who thinks sending babbling VM to their boss was a good idea is also unreasonable.
Furthermore, people are annoyed that OP put (shitty) words in her boss' mouth, almost guaranteeing a hostile response, when the truth might be that boss had no issues at all just didn't think it warranted a reply.

.

But you didn't reverse it. Your first sentence was adversarial "I'm not your mum, I'm your VP". You are providing thoughts that you have no idea she had. So, from the outset, you're creating a narrative, not what actually happened. Which is why reverses are nonsense and a waste of weveryone's time.

But you didn't write your OP as your boss. You projected what you thought your boss was feeling... and used the opening line 'I'm not your mum' followed by references to gen z.

Your post is peppered with very black and white thinking which you have literally NO IDEA whether your manager is thinking... 'she's an adult...direct report....seemingly taken time off....a single message would have been fine....I don't need emotional voice notes....I need her to get better'

None of the above has actually come from your manager. But you've written it so people did comment on how unfeeling manager seemed to be.

Now it turns out she didn't say or think ANY of the above but merely hasn't replied.

It might be that from your manager's POV this could have been her post:
_

AIBU to have forgotten to reply to my employee?

My poor direct report has been poorly a bit recently. She's tried to work but is clearly struggling. She was off most of last week and on Thursday sent me a long voice note explaining her symptons. She's obviously not well and I intended to reply. However, I've got a big meeting today and although I started to type a reply, I simply forgot with everything going on. I've just remembered today and feel terrible about it. How should I handle contacting her?

Who's to say the above isn't the more accurate story? You have absolutely no idea! That's why you are now very very unreasonable to moan at the responses you're getting post update.

YABU - Get over yourself

This is a crazy thread. Your OP was torn apart because started with ‘I’m not your mum’ and went on about multi-million pound business as though it was relevant and called the person calling in sick a ‘direct report’. Posters said, yes you sound like a dick if that’s how you communicate with your staff. Lots of posters also said the person leaving the voice notes need to work on the professionalism, and yes you don’t need people telling you their life story when they call in sick.

Now you say it’s a reverse and no one’s opinion has actually changed. A lot of people still think saying ‘I’m not your mum’ is a bit mean, but also there’s no evidence that the manager actually thought or said that. A lot of posters still think the person ringing in sick needs to work on their professionalism. I think you just proved that the person ringing in sick is hard work and unprofessional!

Hahaha. I can't decide if this is very, sadly, bonkers, or absolutely bloody genius. Either way, kudos to you! 😂

Reverses are always pointless because your skewing it from your own perspective. Just post from your own perspective or don't bother.
Your manager might have quite a different interpretation