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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

4 year old never gets award

139 replies

DesperateDad80 · 09/02/2026 20:47

I just wanted to get others' thoughts. My DD is in reception and every Friday her school's weekly newsletter includes 3 awards per year group: perseverance, kindness and work of the week. We are now week 17, so there have been 51 awards handed out since September for her class of 30. My DD is yet to get a single one whereas lots of other children have received 2 or 3 by now. To make things worse, I think I've discovered that every Friday, these awards might be celebrated in a whole school assembly which would mean my DD has now sat through 17 assemblies without a mention. I am completely gutted and fed up with the sinking feeling I get every Friday when I check the newsletter again to see her overlooked. Her only school report this year was absolutely fine. Am I overreacting? Surely, when in reception, children shouldn't be left behind like this unless she's completely awful.

OP posts:
Neodymium · 09/02/2026 20:49

You said 3 awards per year group and then her class is 30. How many classes are there?

Isit2026yet · 09/02/2026 20:49

@DesperateDad80 you are overreacting. She’s 4, there’s plenty of time for her to get awards, win races, get trophies etc.

Barrellturn · 09/02/2026 20:51

Just mention it to the teachers when she's out of earshot. It's probably on rotation but children can be missed especially if they are quiet and get on with things.

Vaxtable · 09/02/2026 20:53

Neodymium · 09/02/2026 20:49

You said 3 awards per year group and then her class is 30. How many classes are there?

I read it as one class per year

Original poster
DesperateDad80 · 09/02/2026 20:53

Neodymium · 09/02/2026 20:49

You said 3 awards per year group and then her class is 30. How many classes are there?

It's a single entry school. Every week, 3 children from her class of 30 get an award. Same applies for all classes up to year 7.

OP posts:
Namenamchange · 09/02/2026 20:54

Tell the teacher. The quiet, conforming children often get overlook.

Namechangerage · 09/02/2026 20:54

YANBU. Say there are 90 in the year and 151 awards have been given out. I would expect most children to have had at least one.

Tutorpuzzle · 09/02/2026 20:55

Get used to it. The children who just quietly get on with life and learning are generally at the back of the queue for awards.

(I work in many schools as a supply teacher and see it over and over again.)

Original poster
DesperateDad80 · 09/02/2026 20:55

Barrellturn · 09/02/2026 20:51

Just mention it to the teachers when she's out of earshot. It's probably on rotation but children can be missed especially if they are quiet and get on with things.

Had a chat not that long back and seems to have fallen on deaf ears so not on rotation. Thought at that age there might be a little more thought. She's quite a cheeky thing but the staff at her after school club think the world of her.

OP posts:
Mishmosher · 09/02/2026 20:57

It’s usually just the violent kids who managed to resist the urge to beat up their classmates that get awards in my kids class. I’d be really chuffed if my child never got one. It’s a sign of great parenting.

Original poster
DesperateDad80 · 09/02/2026 21:00

Namenamchange · 09/02/2026 20:54

Tell the teacher. The quiet, conforming children often get overlook.

I don't know how quiet she is. She's cheeky as you like at home but I know she can be quite shy in public.

OP posts:
TY78910 · 09/02/2026 21:00

That’s interesting. When DS was in reception they always had star of the week and every kid got one by the end of the year. They always find a reason (good reading, phonics whatever) and a kid may well have been the last to get one at the end of the year but they were very clear that everyone gets one as it’s to incite kids to do good.

birdling · 09/02/2026 21:01

I always keep a record of the awards I give out and no one gets a second one if anyone hasn't had one yet.
This does seem really unfair. There is always something good you can find to say about every child.
I would definitely check, perhaps in a 'I just wondered what X needs to do better in order to get the award?'

Original poster
DesperateDad80 · 09/02/2026 21:03

birdling · 09/02/2026 21:01

I always keep a record of the awards I give out and no one gets a second one if anyone hasn't had one yet.
This does seem really unfair. There is always something good you can find to say about every child.
I would definitely check, perhaps in a 'I just wondered what X needs to do better in order to get the award?'

Thank you. I did get in contact just before Xmas asking if there was anything we could do at home. Just got the usual, she's doing fine reply.

OP posts:
StripyHorse · 09/02/2026 21:06

YANBU

IME the teachers have a list and mark off who has had an award. So there is a combination of children getting it for something positive... but also tempered by making sure everyone gets one. To a certain extent this means some children get it as soon as they have done something good (because it might be ages before that happens again) while other children could technically be picked any week.

With 3 awards a week out of 30, it seems unfair that DD has not had anything yet.

Ohgoonthenanotheronefortheroad · 09/02/2026 21:07

I sorry, I clicked that you were being unreasonable but I didn't mean to. I think with this many awards on the go, and with this age group, they should be making everyone gets one before people end up with two or three 😞

Blondeshavemorefun · 09/02/2026 21:07

It’s been 2 and a bit terms

if after Easter still nothing then mention to teacher

sure there are others who haven’t got yet

same with star of the week. All kids will get in by end of year

Kiwi09 · 09/02/2026 21:12

@DesperateDad80 at my DS’s school these awards were to help manage behaviour, so they generally went to kids who struggled to behave. My DS was 10 before he finally got an award at assembly. He was well aware it took so long because he didn’t need it to encourage good behaviour.

Kizmet1 · 09/02/2026 21:13

I think I'd have a gentle word with the teacher. At 4 years old, I'd kind of expect it to be a semi-automated process with a spreadsheet to make sure no one is left out, and of course recognising real effort, but you know, they're 4. Inclusion would be my priority, but that might just be naive on my part as I'm not a teacher.
So I'd want to know (if I was absolutely sure that every other child has won at least once, and some had won three times for categories such as 'perseverance' which are rather subjective) why my child had yet to "win".
You're not being unreasonable to gently advocate for your little one. At 4 they're still so tiny and they need our voices.

nam3c4ang3 · 09/02/2026 21:14

Both my children got ZERO awards for about 6 years. 🤷🏻‍♀️

NuffSaidSam · 09/02/2026 21:17

It's probably an oversight, I'd mention it to the teacher.

Is your DD actually bothered though? You don't mention her. It's very much all about you in the OP.

BollyMolly · 09/02/2026 21:18

Why do you think it’s not on rotation just because you've had a word before Christmas? There is still plenty of time for your child to get the awards. You say that she’s quite cheeky, but what does that mean in reality? If the teachers are constantly having to remind her to be kind and make more effort with her work, then she will be the last to get the rewards related to those things.

BlackCat14 · 09/02/2026 21:21

Yep, as a teacher I keep a class list with six columns, one for each half term. We give out two awards a week per class. Every time I give one out I highlight their name in the column for whatever half term we are in. That way I can very easily and visually keep track of who has had them and how often, so I can make sure they all get a relatively equal amount. There will be some children who only get one or two a year whereas others get three or four, because as much as I do like all pupils to be celebrated, some have earned it more than others. Next week is Feb half term which marks the halfway point of a school year, so by now all children should’ve had at least one. Up to you whether you raise it with her teacher or not though, as if you do and she suddenly gets an award next week, you know she’s only got it because the teacher felt like she had to. But then your daughter wouldn’t know that and she’d be pleased, so maybe go for it.

Notmyreality · 09/02/2026 21:22

Isit2026yet · 09/02/2026 20:49

@DesperateDad80 you are overreacting. She’s 4, there’s plenty of time for her to get awards, win races, get trophies etc.

This. Get a grip

cobrakaieaglefang · 09/02/2026 21:23

Thank god they didn't exist when my kids were little, another thing for parents and kids to stress about.

I admit after reading on here about how they are used to stop the kids behaving badly, I did smile to myself at a fb post about how little Ellie-May ( not real name) was doing so well, top of the class with star of the week numerous times, when I know E-M is a totally rude, aggressive kid. ( parents the same ilk)

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