To ask if you are a mum to an only male dc… (particularly interested in when the male dc is an adult)

[Mummhere]

What is the relationship like as he gets older? Are you close?

I desperately want another dc but it looks like it won’t happen. I hate the saying a daughter is a daughter for life but a son until he has a wife etc

I know that’s not necessarily true and obviously if I had another dc they could be male too. And I adore ds, we are extremely close now. But I imagine being left out of his family life and silly things like that.

I do know im being a bit irrational. Anyone women out there with a son who is now an adult, what’s it like? Do you hear much from
him?

One adult son who lives about 2 hours away with his gf. We are very close and we see him a lot. It helps that his gf is great and she’s very comfortable with us. We treat her like another dd.

I have a great relationship with our adult DS, very close. I also adore my DIL, I genuinely love her, it’s like having a daughter. They have a good relationship with her parents, but I still feel our relationship with DS is a stronger bond than with his in laws.

My mum has 3 daughters. My two sisters live in her town, one she sees multiple times a day with phone calls in between, one she sees and hears from sporadically sometimes several times a week sometimes not for weeks on end. I live half an hour away and try to see her once or twice a week. I speak to her maybe once a week usually to arrange when we will see one another next. My mum has different relationships with all 3 of us. The classic mother daughter relationship with my eldest sister who she sees several times a week but sister finds it suffocating and difficult at times. My younger sister is more of a whilst you are with her you have her full attention but you cease to exist if you aren't with her. I have a difficult relationship with my mum but have found a way to make it work where I am there for her as much as she needs but am careful with what I share with her.

My mother in law has two sons. She speaks to my partner several times a day, they live 4h away from us but have a key and are welcome at any time. They typically stay for 5-14 days at a time. My mother had my key once for 3 days and then it was confiscated and she has never had one since. I came home from a weekend away to a broken washing machine in my living room that my dad had got from a friend. Why he thought I would want a broken washing machine I don't know! My partner speaks to my mother in law constantly! He speaks to her everyday when driving home from work, and for an hour every Saturday and Sunday morning. He then messages and calls through out the weekend and evening. They are very involved in our lives and they are sounding boards for our decisions and counsel us on what we might want to do and so.

They live in the same village as my partners brother and they see him once a week and his wife twice a year. He phones regularly on his drive home.

It really is much more about the personalities of parent and child rather than the gneder

@Gahr but is being a daddy’s girl seen as a bad thing?

Embrace your son's friends and girlfriends! Making your home welcoming to those he is close to helps. My adult son always pops by with his lovely girlfriend and childhood friends - they are like extended family. Don't interfere too much, but show him strength and guidance when needed and advice when asked.

I'm not male but my brother sees my mum more than I do (she looks after his DC once a week) and it's not because we don't get on, DH is an only child and is close to his mum and we see PIL a lot

I do worry about this as my son is 18 & quite private & distant and I'm trying to respectfully let him know I'm here & interested without smothering him. He still lives at home with his dad & I. My biggest worry is he hasn't seen a great example of having a good relationship with my or his dad's parents as his dad's parents are dead & I've been no contact with my parents way before he was born (for very valid reasons), this worries me but we will see.

I think you know the answer OP, should he take a wife. Mothers will 99% gravitate to their own parent, with the children in tow.

But please continue to bring him up well, and don’t allow him to languish on video games every night.

Our daughters want to marry decent hardworking blokes.

I sympathise with you. However, does your son arrange and book holidays with you, does he do the planning, organising and mental load?

we are like your DS’s family, holidays and Xmas with my side. But that’s because I arrange, plan and prep this. If my DH said I’d really like to go away with my mum and dad, where do you think would be good? I’d collaborate with ideas and let him contact his family and book and arrange it all which is what happens with my side…. He would just never think to do that!

Thats not him putting me or the kids first because he’s a great husband (he is a great husband!) but that’s like saying he’s putting my wishes before his. The reality is he just doesn’t value time with his side or the family. I do value it so I make sure we arrange these nice things. As they say, if he wanted to, he would.

DS lives 2.5hrs away with his partner. We have a family group chat, some weeks we speak most days, other times it’s once every 7-10 days. There’s no schedule. DIL will come and stay with us without DS and DS recently stayed for a long weekend with a group of friends which was great fun! We’ve always welcomed his friends into our home.

You just don’t know how life will play out. I’m very close to my mum but I have lived a long haul flight away from her since the age of 20. We speak often but she gets to see me and her granddaughter in person only once or twice a year. My in-laws live nearby and we see them much more often, they have an amazing relationship with their GD and have her regularly. My husband loves his parents and speaks to them often; I feel I am very lucky with my in-laws. Nobody could have planned this setup before it happened.

My longterm DP has a really distant relationship with his mum, who lives not far from us, and I'm sure I get the blame but he just has nothing much to say to her so he doesn't. He's on the phone to his dad (parents divorced) every night for an hour talking about cars or computer games or broken radios etc.

I refuse to do reminders for birthdays/cards/mothers day etc and he is useless so he's always in the doghouse. However, I have a massive family and my own people to please so I'm not taking on any wifework.

I’m close to mine. See him twice a week. Text every day. His gf is lovely.

I cannot imagine him not being there. He is such a kind gentle charming soul. Makes me cry laughing.&

@Mummhere my DH is an only child. His parents relocated a 100 miles after we moved to Cotswolds from London and now live 5 mins away on foot.

I am very close to my 30+ DS, he is gay and I’ve had good relationships with all his partners so far (he is single at the moment)

I think it does change when the DS has a long term relationship / marriage. It kind of has to. Just like things change when you have a second baby - it’s hard, but it’s a very natural moving on.

Not what you asked but I am a daughter who has the worst relationship with our mother.

I call far less than my brothers and visit barely ever. They're much better children than I am.

You can't guarantee any daughter would be close.

As a mum of boys, this is very depressing.

I’ve always had a close relationship with my son who is now an adult and has recently become a father. We are still very close and message most days and I am often invited round by him and his partner to see baby and spend time with them.

I gave them space when baby was born (as I would have done had I had a daughter) but they were keen for all grandparents to regularly visit so they took the lead on this.

As for things like babysitting and who goes where at Christmas etc, my son and his partner have divided time equally between grandparents. It’s been lovely and I hope you experience the same OP.

Sorry I’m struggling to quite understand what you are getting at.

I have a DS he is lovely. He is backpacking round Australia at the moment but we text everyday and WhatsApp once a week. He is coming home for a family holiday in July. Every evening before going to bed her texts night. We have a great relationship. He did have a GF for four years. She came to our most evenings for dinner and stayed several weekends.

I think this is a bit OTT tbh. I’m not a MIL, but I’m very happy for my male partner to see his mum on his own and I wouldn’t expect to be invited to everything - or anything, really - that they do

My ds is 20. There's only the 3 of us and we are very close. Ds very affectionate always hugging me. He kisses me goodnight and goodbye. We still do things together. We regularly love going to see retro movies together at our local cinema and he goes to gigs a lot with his dad(dh). He's really sociable with loads of mates he goes out with too. I think we have the perfect balance. I love him to bits and we'll always be close.

To be clear, my DDils are fantastic. They don't actively stop my DSs seeing me alone or expect anything. But it would be really weird for DS and I to say we're off on our own together to see that band we all like. Or for DS to take annual leave and use it to go away with just me not his wife.
I think its pretty good going that DDils are happy for me to go with them tbh.
DDils also choose to come along when DSs visit because we get very well and they like to see me, and me them.
With my DD its different because there are things we do that are aimed at or for women (we recently went to a woman's yoga retreat for example) so there's no question DSil would want to come along. Sometimes Ddils do though!

My husband is an only child. He is very close to his mum and family. Calls his dad a lot who lives a few hours away. Visits his grandparents. Buys thoughtful presents etc.