To ask if you are a mum to an only male dc… (particularly interested in when the male dc is an adult)

[Mummhere]

What is the relationship like as he gets older? Are you close?

I desperately want another dc but it looks like it won’t happen. I hate the saying a daughter is a daughter for life but a son until he has a wife etc

I know that’s not necessarily true and obviously if I had another dc they could be male too. And I adore ds, we are extremely close now. But I imagine being left out of his family life and silly things like that.

I do know im being a bit irrational. Anyone women out there with a son who is now an adult, what’s it like? Do you hear much from
him?

My own son is still young but my husband and his mum are very close (not in a mummy's boy way). They go out to the pub once a week and talk often. I hope to have the same relationship with my son.

I have two sons aged 27 and 30. Very close to both but one lives nearer.
They both have long term partners now and like a pp I am very anxious not to overstep, I think mainly because of the hatred of MILs on MN.
DS1 visits every week or so for dinner and DS2 comes over for a weekend every couple of months. DS2 comes away on holiday with us sometimes and his partner goes away with her parents. We message frequently. They do seem to enjoy our company and both come away with us for a weekend during the summer, along with partners.
They both live with lovely women but as you would expect they are close to their mums and although I get on well with them both I don't feel close.I think it would be easier for me to chat with them if I had a daughter as I am so used to boys.

I have an adult son (and adult daughter).
I am close to both of them.
They both contact me often as I do them.
There is no difference in the relationship between me and ds compared with me and dd.
DS is married but still my son.

I go to the cinema with mine - we share some taste in films. We book each other for pizza and movie nights, and are very close.

My husband loves his mum so much, always asks her on days out, meals, holidays etc.
He rings her everyday, she says that she thought because she had a boy she wouldn't hear from him, she jokes he never bloody leaves her alone.
It all depends on the people and relationships.
My mother is dead now but I saw her as little as possible, no mother, daughter relationship there.

I regularly do things with my adult DS (not super exciting things; talking going for a walk, or out for coffee and cake). I'd consider that we are close.

I, however, have zero relationship with my mother.

I think closeness as an adult depends more on personalities and interests, then sex of child.

I had three sons. When the eldest was with his long term partner, I saw a lot of them. Her family lived much further away. The middle son also had a partner with a distant family, though I saw less of them. The youngest is the only one with DC and I have always seen more of them than their mother's family.
As I do not have a daughter, I cannot compare.

I have 2 married DSs. Both very different people but I’d say we are close albeit not swapping secrets. I love both of their wives and try to be super respectful about not interfering or offering unwanted opinions.

DS 1 is more touchy than his wife, I’m so glad we all get on and enjoy spending time together.

I hate the phrase ‘mummy’s boy’ there doesn’t seem to be a girl’s equivalent. Also ‘cutting the apron strings’ only seems to apply to boys. A girl can be as close to their mum as they want, no one bats an eyelid if they see or talk to them daily, but god forbid a son does that.

I have adult sons who are now in their own homes, they all wanted to stay close as a family so their homes are all within 30 minutes of each other. My sons are also close to each other. I get on great with their partners who include me in lots of activities they do, including breaks away and nights out.
I know that I’m very lucky.

I have two adult sons. One still lives here so yes we are close.
my other son is married with a child. I like to think we’re still close, we have a family WhatsApp that we talk on most days, I never not get a response. I do think her mum is favoured more, her mum is first choice in any situation from childcare to advice to anything really but tbh I expect that, she’s super close to her mum as it’s always been just the two of them.
my mum passed away when I was very young, I never had daughters so really I don’t know what thats like, although I was fairly close to my mil.

I do try and be the really super good grandma and mil though. I realise they both work all week, full time. I know they don’t really want to give up their time or weekends to come here/us go there, have Sunday meals etc. whilst they live locally, that’s not their priority, and I understand that, they want time as a family together. Sometimes I suggest popping round just for 30 mins on a Sunday afternoon once in a blue moon but they’re always busy (or maybe they don’t us round 🙃) They always come for an event etc though say it’s someone’s birthday. But they never want to give much time or weekends for anything really.

some days and weeks I do get a bit sad about it, I have my granddaughter once a week whilst they work, I do wonder if I’ll see them all when she’s at school.on the other hand, I raised my son to be a good husband and dad , so it’s right he’s putting all that before us. Plus I don’t want to be like her mum who seems to be continually pushing herself on them…I don’t want to be the horrendous mil that everyone speaks about on here…I speak when I spoken to, I don’t expect an immediate reply on any message, in fact I don’t expect anything at all. I’m grateful to see them when I do. I’m super careful in what I say and what my actions are. I don’t offer many opinions, only if I’m asked really. I’m super positive about everything

tbh though you’ll never know until the time comes. You’ll never know the relationships you’ll have with your adult children. I’m lucky, I’ve been married a long time. My husband and I like each other…and I make no jokes about that …my mil and FIL really didn’t like each other…they hated spending time together, tbh I think if they didn’t have grandchildren at the time of the life that they did, I think they may have gone their separate ways years ago….my husband and I only have each other really now at this time of life…but we’re happy to be together, to go out for coffee, weekends of doing want we want, shopping, restaurants etc…going travelling. Sure sometimes I think I’d like to see my son more but it’s important that I’m happy in my life too.

at the end of the day, when your children are adults, if you’re married, you only reallly have each other. It’s true about the saying that kids true up, have families of their own, parents die, friends move away…it really is just the two of you.

i don’t know whether it would have been different with girls. I desperately wanted a third baby but we couldn’t afford it and I didn’t want one just for it to a girl or just because I had boys. I really wanted that 3rd baby regardless. To this day it’s still my biggest regret in life so I’d say if you want another child and you can afford it, have one if it’s right for you, not necessarily because you’ve just got boys

I have two adult sons. Close to them both in different ways. We chat face to face once a week, and on Whatsapp texts several times a week. DS2 lives less than an hour away, so I see him more often - we go for dinner or drinks together and he sometimes comes for a night at home to relax.

DS1 lives abroad but comes home to visit twice a year and stays with us.

My children are very young, but my husband is one of three boys. Two of the three of them are very close to their mum, one not so much. I do think a lot of that is just who he is as a person though, a bit standoffish generally and not prone to engaging in much fun in life, so he’s very work focussed, meaning all personal relationships are largely unimportant to him.
The other two, they’re more personable generally. I think they’d probably be closer still to MIL were she not slightly overbearing in terms of treating them a little as her baby boys still. Nonetheless their relationship is close and they enjoy each others company… they just don’t tell her everything!

Welp. This thread just made me really sad.

I also have a DS, he's 9 and my best mate. I hate the idea that one day we might not be.
My in laws really includes me to basically be one of their kids, I get treated the same and even see them on my own without DH. I hope that whatever DS choses for the future, he'll let me be a part of it and his family include me.

MIL sees more of DH since I’ve been on the scene, particularly since we had DC. We’re not close but we can get along well enough and I wanted my DC to have relationships with both sets of grandparents.

To be honest I actually have always encouraged my partners to see their parents on their own. I always make an effort with my parents partners but have always thought it was healthy they had their own relationship.

I have a 20 year old. At college, largely incommunicado. Bit better at home and it may improve with time. But I wasn’t close with my mum tbh.

My DS is an only child, he's 20. We're very close - he's closer to me than DH. He's at uni and were in contact a few times a week. He and I are going on holiday in a month and we're really excited about it - he's just a fabulous person to spend time with.

I'm a lot closer to him than I ever was with my own mother...

Dh was an only son. Close to his mum in a good way. Would see her at least once a week and she lived with us for the last 6 years of her life.
I only have sons - young adult - and feel pretty close to them. Hopefully they’ve learnt from how DH treated his mum.

This is sensible, I think. My MIL is like you and we get on famously. She isn't a possessive person anyway, very easygoing. Some of my friends have the MILs from hell. One is on the brink of divorce because her husband can't stand up to Mommy Dearest. The other is luckier, in that her husband has her back and has effectively cut his mother off because she is such a pain. I am CF, but if I had sons I truly hope I would be more like you and like my MIL than like them.

The phrase is 'daddy's girl' and there is the trope of the 'daddy with the shotgun'.

I have 2 adult sons, one lives 200 miles away and we speak weekly and text most days. He doesn’t have a partner. Son no 2 lives locally to me with his gf, who is lovely. See him 3-4 times a week as he often calls in on way to work. I also have a daughter who lives at home. I’ve been on lots of trips overseas with eldest son, we are very close, as for 11yrs it was just us as i had him when he was a teen. That said, I don’t live in his pocket. I wouldn’t want to do that with any of my DC.

My eldest (38) lives in another European country with his wife. He FaceTimes with his toddler son most days. I go there as often as I can, and they all come here for 2-3 weeks twice a year (they’re lucky in that they both work remotely).

This year we’re going on holiday with them and my youngest son, and his partner. Youngest (26) phones daily.

I have a difficult relationship with my DD, who has a personality disorder. She has been abusive in the past, but can also be lovely.

DS tends to keep in touch by text, with the occasional phone call. He pops in to visit every 3 or 4 weeks. He’s split from his long term GF now, but she and I got on brilliantly and she’d encourage him to see me more. I’d also see her without him. She (and DS!) asked me and DD to keep in touch with her when they split.
Hopefully whoever he ends up with is just as lovely and feels part of our family.
DD, on the other hand, has always been very independent. Contact is much more sporadic, with a couple of weeks of lots followed by a couple of weeks radio silence!

My DH is mils only child and they are really close. They ring each other often, we have a group chat that we all message in frequently and we see her a few times a month as we live about an hour apart. I also spend time with her on my own without DH there as she’s lovely