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AIBU?

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Original poster

To ask for the house to be in my name?

94 replies

Lurmusion · 09/02/2026 15:32

Hi everyone,

I didn’t know where to post this, so I posted it in AIBU.

My husband and I have had our house since 2000. We were supposed to have paid it off years ago but my husband decided to remortgage it to buy a car years ago. We therefore still have 10 years left on the mortgage.

I was a stay at home mum for 8 or 9 years and then started working full time to help with the mortgage. I have been working consistently since then. My husband has had multiple jobs and lost multiple jobs, he’s been flaky and inconsistent, leaving me with no choice but to take on full responsibility of finances on multiple occasions while he was looking for jobs.

He’s currently been unemployed since October 2024.

He’s left the country twice to go live in his grandparents’ farm in his country of origin. (November 2019 to July 2020 and October 2024 to October 2025).

He left him a lump sum both times (the first one was only enough to renovate the kitchen, the second one was enough to turn the box room into a wardrobe, but not for any other living expenses) but no monthly payment, living my adult sons having to cover his part of the mortgage, grocery, and bills.

He is now talking about separation and divorce.

I asked that he puts the house entirely in my name, as I can’t see how I would be able to do this by myself financially for another x amount of years if I were to buy him out.
My reasoning is that he has his grandparents’ house in his home country and his mother’s house here in the UK that he and his brothers will eventually inherit. He also talks about wanting to move back to his home country.

He refuses my suggestion.

I am stuck and don’t know what to do.

OP posts:
SlightlyUnexpected · 09/02/2026 15:37

OP, respectfully, a man who isn't bothered about living in the same country as you, who disappears to another country at no notice, who makes no financial provision for his share of the bills while absent, and who now wants to divorce you, isn't going to want to sign a house he co-owns over to you.

You will have to fight it out in the divorce proceedings. Presumably you have proof of his non-payment of the mortgage during the periods he hasn't paid it?

INeedAnotherName · 09/02/2026 15:48

Your situation is messy so I strongly advise you to consult a solicitor. A one off consultation is approximately £200. Not that much when you are talking about hundreds of thousands of pounds.

Original poster
Lurmusion · 09/02/2026 15:48

SlightlyUnexpected · 09/02/2026 15:37

OP, respectfully, a man who isn't bothered about living in the same country as you, who disappears to another country at no notice, who makes no financial provision for his share of the bills while absent, and who now wants to divorce you, isn't going to want to sign a house he co-owns over to you.

You will have to fight it out in the divorce proceedings. Presumably you have proof of his non-payment of the mortgage during the periods he hasn't paid it?

I think I might have to go down that route unfortunately

OP posts:
Snowdropsintherain · 09/02/2026 15:49

If you are married, you both own everything everything 50/50
All assets

Original poster
Lurmusion · 09/02/2026 15:50

INeedAnotherName · 09/02/2026 15:48

Your situation is messy so I strongly advise you to consult a solicitor. A one off consultation is approximately £200. Not that much when you are talking about hundreds of thousands of pounds.

Edited

He’s back home now and not working, so I can’t afford anything.
He keeps saying finding a job is a process and that nowadays it’s hard. He sleeps in everyday until 4pm and goes to be late at night.
It’s so stressful.

OP posts:
SunshineAndFizz · 09/02/2026 15:53

I understand why you’d want the house, but realistically there’s absolutely no reason for him to sign it over to you. What about the 9 years you didn’t work? What about the ‘lump sum’ he gave you?

toomuchfaff · 09/02/2026 15:54

SlightlyUnexpected · 09/02/2026 15:37

OP, respectfully, a man who isn't bothered about living in the same country as you, who disappears to another country at no notice, who makes no financial provision for his share of the bills while absent, and who now wants to divorce you, isn't going to want to sign a house he co-owns over to you.

You will have to fight it out in the divorce proceedings. Presumably you have proof of his non-payment of the mortgage during the periods he hasn't paid it?

This 💯%

Stop believing he will act reasonable; he hasn't in the past, why would he do so now?

Original poster
Lurmusion · 09/02/2026 15:55

SunshineAndFizz · 09/02/2026 15:53

I understand why you’d want the house, but realistically there’s absolutely no reason for him to sign it over to you. What about the 9 years you didn’t work? What about the ‘lump sum’ he gave you?

In that case, am I entitled to some of his inheritance?

I was taking care of our young children for most of those 9 years. He does nothing all day

OP posts:
Gcn · 09/02/2026 15:56

Lurmusion · 09/02/2026 15:55

In that case, am I entitled to some of his inheritance?

I was taking care of our young children for most of those 9 years. He does nothing all day

Edited
Show quote history

Not if he hasn't inherited it yet

HolidayOrNay · 09/02/2026 15:56

Lurmusion · 09/02/2026 15:55

In that case, am I entitled to some of his inheritance?

I was taking care of our young children for most of those 9 years. He does nothing all day

Edited
Show quote history

His future inheritance? No.

Original poster
Lurmusion · 09/02/2026 15:56

Gcn · 09/02/2026 15:56

Not if he hasn't inherited it yet

Show quote history

What about when he does? His grandparents and his dad passed away and the will is being discussed

OP posts:
SunshineAndFizz · 09/02/2026 15:57

Lurmusion · 09/02/2026 15:55

In that case, am I entitled to some of his inheritance?

I was taking care of our young children for most of those 9 years. He does nothing all day

Edited
Show quote history

If you’re still married when he inherits, maybe. If it’s after you’re divorced, probably not. Speak to a solicitor.

Original poster
Lurmusion · 09/02/2026 15:57

SunshineAndFizz · 09/02/2026 15:57

If you’re still married when he inherits, maybe. If it’s after you’re divorced, probably not. Speak to a solicitor.

Show quote history

Thank you

OP posts:
Gcn · 09/02/2026 15:58

You need legal advice, assuming the inheritance is from another country

TreadSoftlyOnMyDreams · 09/02/2026 16:00

Get legal advice. For one thing, how confident are you that he hasn't remortgaged the house again?

toomuchfaff · 09/02/2026 16:01

Lurmusion · 09/02/2026 15:55

In that case, am I entitled to some of his inheritance?

I was taking care of our young children for most of those 9 years. He does nothing all day

Edited
Show quote history

Inheritance isn't a marital asset so not usually.

It isnt tit for tat; its what can be proven, if you supported him during periods of the marriage when he was a layabout - sorry to say but thats on you, that's in the past and self sacrifice doesnt guarantee future happenings; unless you have absolute proof that he contributed nothing during those periods then it wont matter a jot in court because he could say he was giving you cash (if there were cash withdrawls showing on his account).

bringonthecrumpets · 09/02/2026 16:05

Nothing counts unless it is there already. His grandparents may decide to give their money to someone else so it’s completely irrelevant I’m afraid.
As a married couple, everything goes into a pot. Starting point is 50/50 and any move one way or another needs to be justified / argued.
For 9 years he was paying the mortgage while you didn’t so he has paid his fair share into the house. The car he has bought is also an asset and it goes in the pot.
I don’t think you have an argument to want 100% of the house, regardless of how he is behaving. Good luck.

Original poster
Lurmusion · 09/02/2026 16:07

bringonthecrumpets · 09/02/2026 16:05

Nothing counts unless it is there already. His grandparents may decide to give their money to someone else so it’s completely irrelevant I’m afraid.
As a married couple, everything goes into a pot. Starting point is 50/50 and any move one way or another needs to be justified / argued.
For 9 years he was paying the mortgage while you didn’t so he has paid his fair share into the house. The car he has bought is also an asset and it goes in the pot.
I don’t think you have an argument to want 100% of the house, regardless of how he is behaving. Good luck.

Would me taking care of our children for most of those 9 years have any weight in court?

OP posts:
toomuchfaff · 09/02/2026 16:07

One point to note - the car would be a marital asset if it still is owned. If it was sold; where are the funds, that can be taken into account by the court.

toomuchfaff · 09/02/2026 16:08

Lurmusion · 09/02/2026 16:07

Would me taking care of our children for most of those 9 years have any weight in court?

Show quote history

Its taken into account by the house being a marital asset (split 50/50). You werent paying funds, but you were married.

ScreamingInfidelities · 09/02/2026 16:09

Lurmusion · 09/02/2026 15:48

I think I might have to go down that route unfortunately

Edited
Show quote history

I’m astounded you’ve not already!

Minnie798 · 09/02/2026 16:10

Sounds like you need a solicitor.
He paid the mortgage whilst you were a sahp for 9 years, you've paid it whilst he's been in and out of work. Tbh that's what you sign up for in a marriage. It's not about who pays what or who does more and that fact is designed to protect women. He has put money into the home by getting the new kitchen and upgrading the box room. Who knows what jurisdiction uk courts will have regarding a property owned in another country, if any. Definitely see a solicitor, I can't see him just signing a house over that he jointly owns .

Original poster
Lurmusion · 09/02/2026 16:11

toomuchfaff · 09/02/2026 16:07

One point to note - the car would be a marital asset if it still is owned. If it was sold; where are the funds, that can be taken into account by the court.

He didn’t drive it for months, so it just sat in the garage and eventually stopped working. At this point, it’s not really usable as a car, basically just spare parts. He stored it in my cousins garage where it’s been for years

OP posts:
Gonnagetgoingreturnsagain · 09/02/2026 16:11

You need a solicitor to advise here.

99pwithaflake · 09/02/2026 16:11

You need legal advice.

The whole situation sounds like a total mess.