To ask for the house to be in my name?

[Lurmusion]

Hi everyone,

I didn’t know where to post this, so I posted it in AIBU.

My husband and I have had our house since 2000. We were supposed to have paid it off years ago but my husband decided to remortgage it to buy a car years ago. We therefore still have 10 years left on the mortgage.

I was a stay at home mum for 8 or 9 years and then started working full time to help with the mortgage. I have been working consistently since then. My husband has had multiple jobs and lost multiple jobs, he’s been flaky and inconsistent, leaving me with no choice but to take on full responsibility of finances on multiple occasions while he was looking for jobs.

He’s currently been unemployed since October 2024.

He’s left the country twice to go live in his grandparents’ farm in his country of origin. (November 2019 to July 2020 and October 2024 to October 2025).

He left him a lump sum both times (the first one was only enough to renovate the kitchen, the second one was enough to turn the box room into a wardrobe, but not for any other living expenses) but no monthly payment, living my adult sons having to cover his part of the mortgage, grocery, and bills.

He is now talking about separation and divorce.

I asked that he puts the house entirely in my name, as I can’t see how I would be able to do this by myself financially for another x amount of years if I were to buy him out.
My reasoning is that he has his grandparents’ house in his home country and his mother’s house here in the UK that he and his brothers will eventually inherit. He also talks about wanting to move back to his home country.

He refuses my suggestion.

I am stuck and don’t know what to do.

So you bought the house 26 years ago with a relatively short term mortgage, your husband borrowed an extra £10k on it and extended it by 10 years.

You have 3 adult children so presumably at least a 3 bed house?

Whats the equity in it, and what is it worth now? Sounds like if you divorced and sold you’d get enough from the house to get a decent property outright.

A judge isn’t going to agree for you to get the whole house in a divorce as your DH will (or may) inherit later down the line. Starting point is 50-50 but the judge will look at each persons ability to house themselves. You may need to sell the property and both buy something cheaper / smaller.

You extended your mortgage for at least 13 years for 10k? And it's going to take you another ten years.....wtf?

Exactly my thoughts.

I don’t blame you for asking but he was never going to agree to this.

I think you need to see a solicitor and seek their advice on what would be a fair financial settlement, but yes they are likely to start at 50/50 for all marital assets. A court will take into account current things like pensions, cars, savings etc but not an inheritance that’s not been received yet.

Could you afford to get something decent if you got half the equity and your mortgage?

Sounds like a lot of financial mismanagement here. A car that extends the mortgage for 10 years, kitchen refurbishment, wardrobe instalments and multiple unemployment and jetting off abroad stints. Weren't you involved in all these decisions?

You can't count on inheritance, not knowing when anyone will die. Maybe you can rely on your husband being stupid enough to just sign the house over to you though. He sounds financially incontinent so he may do so if you offer an incentive.

our son gives him money and paid for his car/car insurance etc…

As much as he sounds horrific, you're not coming across well here either by expecting to keep the whole house and trying to claim his future inheritance. By the sound of it you've both taken time out of work so that may be equal, (the fact you were looking after kids is irrelevant - it was still your choice to not work). Just get a solicitor and split everything in half. Job done. Trying to grab money/assets you are not entitled to is a waste of time, money and hesdspace. Stop faffing around and file for divorce. You'll be much happier for it!

But you said he'd remortgaged to pay for a car?

How did 10k add on well over 10 years to the mortgage?!

Yes but the car sat unused and it’s now broken, the battery is completely dead

The house is small and it’s the only asset I have and my children have from me. Half won’t get me anything where I am

Buy a new battery. Make depending £1-200 usually

to remortgage £10k for a car which is now broken is insane

There’s more to it, most components are completely wrecked. I don’t know a lot about cars but I know it’s pretty much beyond repair

That's irrelevant. He could offer it to you but you're certainly not entitled to it. And from what you've said about him, he doesn't sound like he's going to offer!

You what? Your husband remortgaged the house to buy a car? I would have divorced him at that point. What an idiot.

was there anything else bought without you know remortgage shouldnt have added that long forjust 10k

I don’t believe he remortgaged only for the car. I think there will be much more that you don’t have sight of.

Why is it him suggesting a divorce and not you?

You want him to hand you a house and he says no and now this surprises you? nice try but did you really think he would 'sure where do I sign'?

OP surprisingly, the UK has a Foreign Inheritance Tax, so any inheritance he received abroad could have been taxed, depending upon the the circumstances and if he didn't report it, then you're potentially responsible being married. Secondly, he did put that inheritance money into home upgrades you stated, so therefore he's kept his "contributions" to the marital home potentially in line with his lack of steady unemployment. If you haven't already, document everything in writing with all of the important timelines, financials, etc. because if you don't do this when going to a solicitor, it makes no sense to waste money without everything prepared. You also must know with his unemployment, you could be responsible for spousal maintenance support. Write out your documentation, prepare a list of questions to stick to, and then find the money for an initial consultation or find a free clinic through LawWorks as they have resources throughout the UK and Wales. Prepare, prepare, prepare.

I agree, esp not for a car that's been left to rot in a garage.

Op you should have off loaded him years ago. But that's easy to say with hindsight

Get yourself to a lawyer asap. I think you are in for a fight.

As I understand it, from my own divorce and research at the time, if you are married for >1 yr, then all assets and liabilities are shared, irrespective of whose name they are in.
Don't waste time getting something in your name unless you can arrange things so that it makes a difference in the case of divorce. And if he can demonstrate need (my ex had run up massive debts behind my back and I only found out after beginning divorce proceedings) he might even get a greater share of the equity in the home. I was a stay at home mum w 3 kids and no income, but his debts were prioritised by the courts. Take care.

You don’t split marital assets based on what someone might inherit. They may not due to care needs or being cut out of a will so he’s right to say no.
the house is a marital asset and should be split accordingly

Just to add another potential issue @Lurmusion

As you've been the one working, do you have a workplace pension? Your husband could decide he wants 50% of it. And he'd be entitled to it, as you'd be entitled to 50% of his pension (I'm assuming he doesnt have one)

I am amazed that you have stayed with this loser for 31 years 😬

That is irrelevant. This situation is absolutely insane.