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Original poster

To ask for the house to be in my name?

94 replies

Lurmusion · 09/02/2026 15:32

Hi everyone,

I didn’t know where to post this, so I posted it in AIBU.

My husband and I have had our house since 2000. We were supposed to have paid it off years ago but my husband decided to remortgage it to buy a car years ago. We therefore still have 10 years left on the mortgage.

I was a stay at home mum for 8 or 9 years and then started working full time to help with the mortgage. I have been working consistently since then. My husband has had multiple jobs and lost multiple jobs, he’s been flaky and inconsistent, leaving me with no choice but to take on full responsibility of finances on multiple occasions while he was looking for jobs.

He’s currently been unemployed since October 2024.

He’s left the country twice to go live in his grandparents’ farm in his country of origin. (November 2019 to July 2020 and October 2024 to October 2025).

He left him a lump sum both times (the first one was only enough to renovate the kitchen, the second one was enough to turn the box room into a wardrobe, but not for any other living expenses) but no monthly payment, living my adult sons having to cover his part of the mortgage, grocery, and bills.

He is now talking about separation and divorce.

I asked that he puts the house entirely in my name, as I can’t see how I would be able to do this by myself financially for another x amount of years if I were to buy him out.
My reasoning is that he has his grandparents’ house in his home country and his mother’s house here in the UK that he and his brothers will eventually inherit. He also talks about wanting to move back to his home country.

He refuses my suggestion.

I am stuck and don’t know what to do.

OP posts:
bringonthecrumpets · 09/02/2026 16:13

Lurmusion · 09/02/2026 16:07

Would me taking care of our children for most of those 9 years have any weight in court?

Show quote history

It would in such a way that it explains why you didnt contribute financially during that period - so he couldn’t use that against you to try and get more than 50% because you didn’t contribute for 9 years. It doesn’t (in my opinion) help with your claim of 1000% ownership of the house. You do need to invest in a solicitor.

Hollyhobbi · 09/02/2026 16:15

How much did the car cost that you had to remortgage it to buy it?

toomuchfaff · 09/02/2026 16:26

Lurmusion · 09/02/2026 16:11

He didn’t drive it for months, so it just sat in the garage and eventually stopped working. At this point, it’s not really usable as a car, basically just spare parts. He stored it in my cousins garage where it’s been for years

Show quote history

Again, the state and the use of the car during its life is of no concern to the court; that's on you/him to have not left it to rot. It wont make one jot of difference that it was in your cousins garage unless they want to invoice you (both) for storage fees.

The court will take into account the value of the car in its current state, and that will be a marital asset. Any costs if accepted as a cost (if the cousin invoiced you for 9 years storage), would be deducted from that value.

toomuchfaff · 09/02/2026 16:30

Hollyhobbi · 09/02/2026 16:15

How much did the car cost that you had to remortgage it to buy it?

and it added 10+ yrs to the mortgage! Thats an expensive car.

INeedAnotherName · 09/02/2026 16:35

An inheritance is in the grey area of law but the basic understanding is that if an inheritance, or part of, is used or put in a bank account to be used by the family then it's fair game as a marital asset, this includes family holidays or house repairs. If it is not touched or placed in a separate bank account and used solely for their pleasure (holiday just for them) then it is not a marital asset.

Buy cheaper food for a month, stop subscriptions, do whatever you have to do to get that £200. It's not a want, it is a need, a necessity. Treat it as such.

NoFiller · 09/02/2026 16:43

Why don’t you sign the house and all your assets over into his name?
Oh no, sorry - does it not seem such an attractive idea when it’s you who’s the one losing out?

Snoken · 09/02/2026 16:55

Are you filing for divorce in England or elsewhere in the UK?

If in England, whoever paid for what, worked when, travelled when within the marriage is completely irrelevant. As a married couple you are on financial entity and you are not expected to have contriuted the exact same in every way. You won't get more money now because you looked after the kids more years ago as they are now adults. You have proven that you are able to look after yoursself financially since.

You also won't get a share of his inheritance, mainly because he hasn't even inherited anything yet, but also because unless he had invested the inheritance in something that is classed as a marital asset (like the house) that money is solely his.

You won't be able to find a judge that will sign off on a financial order that gives one party all the assets and leaves the other with nothing because they will at some point inherit money. It will be seen as financial abuse. There are however other assets than the house to take into consideration, workplace and private pensions are usually a big part too. It goes both ways though. You both have to declare everything you have, then, because the children are adults, the assets will most likely be split 50-50 or thereabouts.

Isit2026yet · 09/02/2026 17:02

@Lurmusion how long have you been married? The starting point in any divorce regardless of who owns what is 50% each and this is more likely the longer you've been married.

Snoken · 09/02/2026 17:08

Isit2026yet · 09/02/2026 17:02

@Lurmusion how long have you been married? The starting point in any divorce regardless of who owns what is 50% each and this is more likely the longer you've been married.

The length of the relationship is what matters really and they bought the house 26 years ago, so I think we can assume it will be considered a long one.

KilkennyCats · 09/02/2026 17:08

How much is left on the mortgage?
I wonder why you didn’t pay some of it off with the lump sum rather than paying for a new kitchen?

Original poster
Lurmusion · 09/02/2026 17:13

Isit2026yet · 09/02/2026 17:02

@Lurmusion how long have you been married? The starting point in any divorce regardless of who owns what is 50% each and this is more likely the longer you've been married.

31 years

OP posts:
SomeoneCalled · 09/02/2026 17:18

Even if you divorce 50/50, will your children inherit him one day and are they welcome to visit the country of origin ??

SomeoneCalled · 09/02/2026 17:21

Can your children be welcome to live abroad with him ? Are they uni age? I am from abroad and many people study there , even from the UK and some even stay there

Original poster
Lurmusion · 09/02/2026 17:22

SomeoneCalled · 09/02/2026 17:18

Even if you divorce 50/50, will your children inherit him one day and are they welcome to visit the country of origin ??

They have never visited the country of origin, but they would like to one day. They would be made welcome, they would also inherit him

OP posts:
Original poster
Lurmusion · 09/02/2026 17:23

SomeoneCalled · 09/02/2026 17:21

Can your children be welcome to live abroad with him ? Are they uni age? I am from abroad and many people study there , even from the UK and some even stay there

They are 27,28, and 29.
They don’t have any interest living in that country - two of them are married and have children. The youngest doesn’t get along with his dad, they’re not on talking terms despite both living at home. The other two live in their own houses

OP posts:
KeepOffTheQuinoa · 09/02/2026 17:36

He sounds awful but unfortunately divorce settlements are not decided on the basis of who is the most badly behaved.

The inheritance could well be part of the mix if he has already put any of it into the kitchen or box room renovation, as once any has been put in a joint account or spent on family expenditure it is viewed as family money.

In any case a starting point in divorce would be that you both need enough to survive - so the fact that he has an inheritance would be used to assess that. IF it can be taken out of his parents' country etc.

Unfortunately your pension fund, if you have one, will also be seen as a part of the pot to divide up. It doesn't sound as if he has any pension.

Were you on the mortgage? How was he able to re-mortgage without your signature?

Bonkers1966 · 09/02/2026 17:40

Accept you married a loser and go from there. Start with legal advice. First consult is often free. Citizen's Advice might have some names.

Soontobe60 · 09/02/2026 17:44

Lurmusion · 09/02/2026 15:56

What about when he does? His grandparents and his dad passed away and the will is being discussed

Edited
Show quote history

In that case, hold your horses until it has been sorted!

Blondeshavemorefun · 09/02/2026 17:45

How much did he remortgage the house for extra ? Seem insane to do that for a car

and yes that car is an asset - where is it?

Original poster
Lurmusion · 09/02/2026 18:24

Blondeshavemorefun · 09/02/2026 17:45

How much did he remortgage the house for extra ? Seem insane to do that for a car

and yes that car is an asset - where is it?

For £10 000

OP posts:
Jellybunny56 · 09/02/2026 18:28

You’re not going to get 100% of the house, you need to accept that. Your starting point in divorce is 50/50, with no dependent children that’s unlikely to be deviated from really so I’d start preparing for that. It’s 50/50 of ALL assets though so you could try to trade off car/savings/pension for example for a larger % of the house.

Inheritance is not a marital asset though and so you’re not entitled to that.

DaffyDuckz · 09/02/2026 18:34

If an inheritance has been mixed up with other money then the court is likely to treat it as family money.

If he has no job now, what money is he using to feed and clothe himself? Pay for his phone and petrol and car tax?

please tell me you are not bankrolling him…

herbalteabag · 09/02/2026 18:55

You can ask him to take his name off the mortgage but he will probably never agree, since it is a massive asset - most people wouldn't. It's also not a given that the bank will allow him to do it if you don't pass the affordability checks (which aren't based on whether you've been paying it or not).
The only thing you can do is go to a solicitor, but I don't think you will get the outcome you want.

Madarch · 09/02/2026 19:00

Snowdropsintherain · 09/02/2026 15:49

If you are married, you both own everything everything 50/50
All assets

Yep.

And that would be the starting point. The courts might decide a different split depending on the specific details of your financial arrangements, OP.

Didntask · 09/02/2026 19:10

Assuming you're in England/Wales, who contributed what doesn't matter. The house is a marital asset and now there are no dependant children, 50/50 will be the starting point and probably near the end point for splitting assets. Its all based on needs. Any RECEIVED (not perceived) inheritance that might form part of your husband's assets could be taken into account if it's required on a NEEDS basis for settlement.