Page 4 | To ask for the house to be in my name?

Lurmusion · 2026-02-09T15:32:26+00:00

Hi everyone, I didn’t know where to post this, so I posted it in AIBU. My husband and I have had our house since 2000. We were supposed to have paid it off years ago but my husband decided to remortgage it to buy a car years ago. We therefore still have 10 years left on the mortgage. I was a stay at home mum for 8 or 9 years and then started working full time to help with the mortgage. I have been working consistently since then. My husband has had multiple jobs and lost multiple jobs, he’s been flaky and inconsistent, leaving me with no choice but to take on full responsibility of finances on multiple occasions while he was looking for jobs. He’s currently been unemployed since October 2024. He’s left the country twice to go live in his grandparents’ farm in his country of origin. (November 2019 to July 2020 and October 2024 to October 2025). He left him a lump sum both times (the first one was only enough to renovate the kitchen, the second one was enough to turn the box room into a wardrobe, but not for any other living expenses) but no monthly payment, living my adult sons having to cover his part of the mortgage, grocery, and bills. He is now talking about separation and divorce. I asked that he puts the house entirely in my name, as I can’t see how I would be able to do this by myself financially for another x amount of years if I were to buy him out. My reasoning is that he has his grandparents’ house in his home country and his mother’s house here in the UK that he and his brothers will eventually inherit. He also talks about wanting to move back to his home country. He refuses my suggestion. I am stuck and don’t know what to do.

Notateacheranymore · 10/02/2026 19:00

Lurmusion · 09/02/2026 15:50

He’s back home now and not working, so I can’t afford anything.
He keeps saying finding a job is a process and that nowadays it’s hard. He sleeps in everyday until 4pm and goes to be late at night.
It’s so stressful.

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Quite apart from your husband’s announcement regarding the future, his attitude is a stinking red herring.

I have been out of work twice since 2013. The first time, my MH was shot after a 16 year teaching career, and I was claiming JSA (as it was at the time) for half a year, but as soon as I was well enough I was looking for roles worthy of my qualifications. Then in summer of 2024, I was made redundant after 7 1/2 years of being a complaints officer. I had my current job within 7 weeks.

If you have no job, you take whatever role you can get - temping, supermarket, warehouse, whatever. Once you have that, then you look for something more selectively.

Tell your silly husband that.

Maybe his previous roles have been in niche industries; my husband works in the defence industry, but at the crux of it, he’s an engineer - one of the most transferable skill sets out there. If there’s no niche job, he needs to get his arse to another job.

TheCheekyCyanHelper · 10/02/2026 22:17

Lurmusion · 09/02/2026 15:55

In that case, am I entitled to some of his inheritance?

I was taking care of our young children for most of those 9 years. He does nothing all day

Edited

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Not a penny.

TheCheekyCyanHelper · 10/02/2026 22:22

Lurmusion · 09/02/2026 23:41

Yes but the car sat unused and it’s now broken, the battery is completely dead

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A dead battery is so easy and cheep to replace. Are you sure you a capable of living independently? You should know this.

Nearly50omg · 10/02/2026 22:33

Lurmusion · 09/02/2026 15:57

Thank you

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That’s not correct. If you are classed as being separated now then no you wont inherit anything off him

CasuallyConfused · 10/02/2026 22:35

You took 9 years out of work but your children are very close in age - aged 27-29, so you've had at least 3 years with all your children at school and you out of work. Sounds like you chose to do that. Your husband is flakey but he hasn't had 9 years solid out of paying the mortgage, you clearly had an easy 3 years with your children at school. Also your numbers just don't stack up, remortgaging for an extra 10k isn't adding loads to a mortgage, I'm not sure how it would add an extra 10 years, unless your monthly repayments are teeny?

As you are married and have been for 30+ years I imagine 50/50 is the starting point, I'm not really sure how you can argue for more, your children are adults so you aren't needing to house them. Any future inheritance isn't going to be shared with you, you'll be divorced so I'm not sure what that's got to do with anything? He isn't going to give you the house because you can't afford to buy him out, that isn't his problem, much like where he moves to isn't yours. In the grand scheme of things you have contributed less than him having several years unemployed at home when your children started school. I don't see how you can argue for more than half.

Itsmetheflamingo · 10/02/2026 22:42

TheCheekyCyanHelper · 10/02/2026 22:22

A dead battery is so easy and cheep to replace. Are you sure you a capable of living independently? You should know this.

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Isn’t it at least a 13 year car by now though? It won’t be worth anything.

i also can’t understand how a £10k car added 10 years to the mortgage but that’s by the by I guess. I don’t think it’s messy or complex apart from your request which you know now you won’t get- seems like a pretty standard divorce. Asset split starts at 50:50.

SemiRetiredLoveGoddeess · 10/02/2026 23:04

Sorry to say this but he has been using you and stringing you along for years.

And he has no intention whatsoever hof getting a job.

I would ask him to leave but see a Solicitor first pronto. Get the best deal you can for yourself .

Redragtoabull · 11/02/2026 01:14

Is he using the car as a taxi during the night? And not letting you know of his income? Check the cars mileage each morning...just a thought

Needspaceforlego · 11/02/2026 01:33

CasuallyConfused · 10/02/2026 22:35

You took 9 years out of work but your children are very close in age - aged 27-29, so you've had at least 3 years with all your children at school and you out of work. Sounds like you chose to do that. Your husband is flakey but he hasn't had 9 years solid out of paying the mortgage, you clearly had an easy 3 years with your children at school. Also your numbers just don't stack up, remortgaging for an extra 10k isn't adding loads to a mortgage, I'm not sure how it would add an extra 10 years, unless your monthly repayments are teeny?

As you are married and have been for 30+ years I imagine 50/50 is the starting point, I'm not really sure how you can argue for more, your children are adults so you aren't needing to house them. Any future inheritance isn't going to be shared with you, you'll be divorced so I'm not sure what that's got to do with anything? He isn't going to give you the house because you can't afford to buy him out, that isn't his problem, much like where he moves to isn't yours. In the grand scheme of things you have contributed less than him having several years unemployed at home when your children started school. I don't see how you can argue for more than half.

Even if she did have 3 years out of work when kids were bottom end of primary school, that probably meant they saved on wrap around care, and enabled the kids to get to whatever clubs and groups they wanted to go to.
So many kids clubs and activities are 4 / 5 / 6 pm that its impossible to get them there if they are also in wrap around care.

T1Dmama · 11/02/2026 02:08

Lurmusion · 09/02/2026 16:07

Would me taking care of our children for most of those 9 years have any weight in court?

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Of course it does. You were doing unpaid work and missing out the same opportunities for career progression and pension…
As you are still married and his grandparents have died while you’re married inheritance would be taken into account, also his and your pension values will need to be considered.
You need advice, maybe citizens advice bureau can give you basic advice about what you could expect.

ItsNotMeEither · 11/02/2026 06:16

Okay, together 31 years, so my guess is you may be in your 50s. Have you been making any provision for your pension? Were you still paying NI contributions all those years you were at home? Can you pay to catch up now?

You children are well and truly adults. You mention being home when they were small, but even the youngest has been a teen for the last 14 years. Hopefully that means you've been working for at least 12-13 years. I'm not in the UK so not completely sure of your pension system, but assuming you work until 67, will you be eligible for a pension of some kind?

Sorry OP, but this is how many women, even when happily married, end up inadvertently shafting themselves financially.

It does sound like your DP has one leg out the door already, so you really need to get your own ducks in a row, fast.

Make an appointment to see a solicitor, you need some solid facts to work with. I assume the house will be sold and you will get half. I'm not sure if in the UK you might have any claim on his pension. You need facts from a solicitor so you can make clear decisions.

DaisyChain505 · 11/02/2026 07:48

You’ve both been completely silly with your finances and decisions. If he wasn’t working why would he spend any money he was given on home improvements when he couldn’t even contribute to the mortgage.

He doesn’t respect you or this marriage.

Stop worrying about how much of his inheritance you can get your hands on and just divorce him asap before he gets you into serious financial trouble.

gardenflowergirl · 11/02/2026 12:11

You need proper legal advice. As you are married you are both one financial entity, the house is the matrimonial home and a matrimonial asset. Even if he put the house in your name, that wouldn't mean he has no claim on it in UK law as it's still a matrimonial asset.

Needspaceforlego · 11/02/2026 17:56

ItsNotMeEither · 11/02/2026 06:16

Okay, together 31 years, so my guess is you may be in your 50s. Have you been making any provision for your pension? Were you still paying NI contributions all those years you were at home? Can you pay to catch up now?

You children are well and truly adults. You mention being home when they were small, but even the youngest has been a teen for the last 14 years. Hopefully that means you've been working for at least 12-13 years. I'm not in the UK so not completely sure of your pension system, but assuming you work until 67, will you be eligible for a pension of some kind?

Sorry OP, but this is how many women, even when happily married, end up inadvertently shafting themselves financially.

It does sound like your DP has one leg out the door already, so you really need to get your own ducks in a row, fast.

Make an appointment to see a solicitor, you need some solid facts to work with. I assume the house will be sold and you will get half. I'm not sure if in the UK you might have any claim on his pension. You need facts from a solicitor so you can make clear decisions.

She should have the NI credits because she was Mum to children under 12, that assumes she was also in receipt of Family Allowance/ Child Benefit

Peridoteage · 11/02/2026 18:06

I am confused

I don't understand why you feel entitled to more than half the equity in the house?

Peridoteage · 11/02/2026 18:14

I asked that he puts the house entirely in my name, as I can’t see how I would be able to do this by myself financially for another x amount of years if I were to buy him out

The fact that you might not be able to afford to stay in the house if you are only entitled to half the equity isn't a factor in deciding whether you should have more. His parents and grandparents owning properties that he might one day inherit is also irrelevant.

You've both worked and contributed to paying for the house. You've both had periods of supporting the other/bearing the financial load. From the ages of your kids, it sounds like you've been back working 20 years and are able to earn and support yourself, you don't have young children limiting you etc. You might get a small adjustment to the equity based on the career impact of time off with children but it won't be huge 20 years later.

I'd focussing on ensuring you get half of all marital assets, including if he has a bigger pension for example. You might need to plan on buying something smaller with the equity you do get.

Coconutter24 · 11/02/2026 19:26

Lurmusion · 09/02/2026 15:56

What about when he does? His grandparents and his dad passed away and the will is being discussed

Edited

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Inheritance isn’t actually legally considered marital property

Original poster

Lurmusion · 11/02/2026 20:05

DaisyChain505 · 11/02/2026 07:48

You’ve both been completely silly with your finances and decisions. If he wasn’t working why would he spend any money he was given on home improvements when he couldn’t even contribute to the mortgage.

He doesn’t respect you or this marriage.

Stop worrying about how much of his inheritance you can get your hands on and just divorce him asap before he gets you into serious financial trouble.

Edited

He gave me the money but the house needed doing for years so I used it for the kitchen and closet
its not his inheritance money, it’s income he gets from his farm, but he only gets money from the farm three or four times a year

OP posts:

Starzinsky · 11/02/2026 20:34

Must have been some car to add 10+ years to a mortgage. I think there are issues on both sides here but not sure what future inheritance has to do with the division of your shared assets in a divorce. If he's not working it is probably in your interest to give him his half and divorce quickly so you can move on and invest your earnings on you.