Other People's Parenting

[PleeeeaseMakeitstop]

AIBU to think what the fuck are some parents on and to wish I could raise my kids in a bubble???!

Of course I know I'm being unreasonable but am clearing out my DC (11yrs) room as they want their room to be like their mates with just gaming shit in, and packing up all their old (some not even old) books and toys and stuff and wishing I could keep them under my own influence for longer....

Practically all his friends do is game and go on devices. Literally. Not one of his friendship group of 5-6 kids has a) time restrictions on devices (so are allowed to play as long as they like and right up till bedtime) and b) have content restrictions - are all bar one allowed free access to YouTube, WhatsApp, Snapchat and tiktok.

To make matters worse my son's latest bestie has an older brother and he now has knowledge of a whole dictionary of expressions and words that he shouldn't have at age, and has decided he doesn't want to continue with scooter/skateboard but wants to learn to box. And talking on the school run about how he couldn't wait to get home to game.

He has always been active but I could always get him into reading a book alongside me on the sofa or at bedtime, or play a boardgame, or come to the skatepark (granted wrong time of year for that one so I can still hope) but now especially due to this new mate he just seems to want to be a mindless teen! Not to mention if he goes over his house after school they get taken for fast food for a snack (normally just a treat for us) and can play GTA 5 🙈

Don't get me wrong I'm not giving in to the TV in the room, Snapchat, etc of course but I just wish he still Wanted to have the other stuff!

Parents who've experienced similar - please help me with strategies, even if just coping ones! 🙏

I know there's quite a few of my posts now but the old Mumsnet cliche RTFT springs to mind 😂

I AM setting boundaries and do maintain them but my DC is not 6 any more and at nearly secondary age is increasingly influenced by his peers over me and I cannot stop this, nor would I want to really - his peers are who he will grow with, live with, work with in years to come and I know he needs to feel like he belongs - but now he Is older I have less influence over who chooses to hang out and absolutely zero influence over what Those children do 🤷‍♀️

As I said in opening thread and follow ups, I am just bemoaning the fact that despite my best efforts when compared to his friends his life feels restrictive 🤷‍♀️ which it is cos he friends are being IMHO badly parented 🤦‍♀️

At nearly high school age you do have an influence on who they hang out with. I have much older teens. At your child's age I did have to power to say no to certain friendships, eg people coming to my house or them going to certain friends. As a result my older teens have lovely friends and my relationship with my teens is closer than it's ever been, so no damage done. No they aren't 6 anymore, but they are not 17-18 either and you do have authority to say no and you do have influence. And the other parents aren't bad parents, they are doing what's right for them in their family

I agree with a lot of your post But firstly, I am experimenting with giving my child a bit more freedom outside of school hours as he is year 6 (so secondary in September) - he has started to make his own way home from school (15 minute walk); he is allowed to stay and play at the park outside the school on nice enough days; he is allowed to go to the skate park - literally on the way home from school - either on the way home from school, or at the weekend. These are the times he is hanging out with the friends I have no control over.

Secondly, are you seriously telling me that giving your child unlimited - or even any. - access to social media at 10/11 yrs isn't bad parenting?!!

Erm I didn't even mention social media. For your information at 17 my teen still dosnt use social media. My child also used to go to the park on the way home, I still had to right to stop this if my child was playing with someone I didn't like and I would give reasons. Your child is in year 6. When you have a child in year 12 who will realise how young a year 6 actually is.

The main body of my post wrt bad parenting - although I personally never called anyone a bad parent, there is a fine distinction IMO - was referring to social media and gaming (with some issues with dryer but lesser)... Not sure what you thought I was talking about, or what you were talking about when you referred to "other parents aren't bad parents, they are doing what's right for them in their family"?

I do know exactly how young year 6 is, DS has an older sister, plus I have nephews in their late teens and early twenties. I do also explain to my DC exactly why I put the restrictions in place that I do, but I won't tell him who he can and can't be friends with? I genuinely don't think that approach works with some people 🤷‍♀️ it would work with DD but absolutely Not with DS (nor me at his age!). Of course I can stop them going to houses I don't want them to but that's as far as it goes. Were you really the kind of parent walking down to the park/skatepark and yanking your child off by the ear for keeping bad company?! 😂

Anyway, as I explained in my op my precise moan was a tad tongue in cheek and was that I couldn't "keep" ds in a bubble 🤷‍♀️ and to ask for recommendations for helping him to Want to take the right path (!) and I think for the most part I've had some good suggestions.

Thank you nonetheless for your input.

No I wasn't walking down to the park. But I knew my son, I knew all the local kids and parents. If I needed to stop my son playing with someone I would absolutely do it. At 10-11 years old you do need to keep on top of this before it becomes a real problem, drugs, drink shop lifting etc. Being aware is a major part of parenting at this age group