To holiday alone with DD?

[HolidayOrNay]

DP has three older children and we have DD2 together. This summer, we are going on a ten day holiday all together to a camp site in the South of France, but I also really fancy a more relaxing break.

DP has said he won’t go on holiday with DD unless SC are there too. I don’t want to go for a week without her. AIBU to go on holiday with DD instead of DP?

How old are the older children?

Between 7 and 11.

Of course you are not being unreasonable.

I think from DP’s perspective I should want to holiday alone with him, and it’s true that we don’t get enough time together. But I don’t want to leave DD for longer than necessary yet!

Would it be more relaxing with DD?

So your DP is saying holiday with all four DC or just with him? Where is your DD supposed to go in the second scenario?

More relaxing than what?

She could stay with grandparents, they’ve had her before for overnights when we’ve had work or other commitments, but only for a night so far. I wouldn’t have any concerns about her safety and I’m sure she’d be alright to be left longer, but I don’t want to.

No, you're not being unreasonable.

It kind of sounds like he sees it as wanting to treat all of his children equally, which is quite nice I guess, but in your position I wouldn't go on holiday without my 2year old, so id say yes, go with dd instead.

@BatshitIsTheOnlyExplanation when my parents went on holiday without me I stayed with GPs (and got very spoilt)

I can understand why your DP wouldn’t want to go on holiday with only some of his children.

@HolidayOrNay if all 4 children were yours would you leave some behind so you can have a more relaxing holiday

@HolidayOrNay I am assuming DD is 2. Not sure I would find a holiday with a toddler relaxing, especially when solo parenting!

I wouldn’t have had four children 😂

If they were all mine, I’d probably not leave some behind whilst the youngest was 2. I’d probably just do family holidays until the youngest was older, then would want to go on some holidays with DP. But they’re not all mine.

@HolidayOrNay but you have got together with someone who now has 4 children. I assume SC live with you at some point

She’s good company!

It would also mean I could go to museums and art galleries without SC complaining through it, and have a coffee without it costing €50 to get cakes and drinks for everyone.

SC go on plenty of holidays with their mum too.

Things like holidays etc once you have kids, especially blended families are always a compromise. You should be able to spend time with your daughter without being guilt-tripped. OH and I take seperate breaks with each of our kids depending on timing or if it's stuff that not everyone wants to do.

But he hasn't said she can't come has he? So why would you be going away without her?
But no, YANBU to go away with just dd

As his other kids go on holidays with their mum it’s absolutely fine for him to go away with you and your dd, and he needs to get over himself before she reaches the age where she’s aware that they get more holidays than she does!

Do your SC go away with their mum too? Me, DH and DD2 have had holidays away without my DSS before, just like we had plenty with just him before DD was born. We make sure it isn’t somewhere he would love to go and we make sure it falls at a time when he’s with his mum. I think it’s a bit grim of your DP to say he won’t holiday with you and your DD and that she should be left at home tbh. I understand the dad guilt and maybe your circumstances are different to ours but I know when I go away with DH, DSS and DD that it just ends up me looking after DD anyway because their age gap is so different, whereas on a holiday with just DH & DD, he is able to dedicate some time to her which I think is fair. I’d be happy for him to go just with DSS if he wanted to.

He wants us to holiday just us, without any DC. I want us to holiday as a three, but if he doesn’t want to, I’d rather go with just DD than just him!

I think he feels guilty because he’d like to take SC away individually too. Whilst I’m happy to support him having the occasional afternoon with one of them, I’m not up for solo parenting three whilst he takes one for a weekend away or something.

So your SC get lots of holidays with both mum and dad, but your DD only gets one?

I don't see how that's fair either.

I would 100% go.

Yes this is exactly what happens. We’ve chosen an active camp site for the summer to suit SC so he’ll be out every day doing activities with them and I’ll be solo with DD, then we’ll be together for the evening until DD goes to bed and he stays out with SC.

Yes he has. He won’t go away with his youngest child unless the other three are also there. So the littlest gets one holiday a year while the older ones get more because they go away with their dm.

I think it's perfectly OK not to want to leave your child behind when you go on holiday.

It's up to your DP whether he goes with you.