To holiday alone with DD?

[HolidayOrNay]

DP has three older children and we have DD2 together. This summer, we are going on a ten day holiday all together to a camp site in the South of France, but I also really fancy a more relaxing break.

DP has said he won’t go on holiday with DD unless SC are there too. I don’t want to go for a week without her. AIBU to go on holiday with DD instead of DP?

Is there not a happy medium? I am also in a blended family so I can see both sides of this. You don’t want to leave her for that long- can you two go away child free for less than a week? 3 nights?

It’s frustrating! I have had to discuss this with my DH recently, not in relation to holidays, but as my DSS is with us at weekends he will go out and do things with him for full days, but rarely with our DD unless I push for it. I would have a word with him about how your DD deserves some time on holiday with her dad too, and that you’re happy for her to take a backseat on the full family holiday but on the proviso she gets some quality time on a holiday with her. Failing that, take her alone! I’ve been on loads of lovely holidays with DD and my mum and I often just take DD out when DSS is here to do lovely things. It is really hard being part of a blended family sometimes as there’s so much guilt there x

We have been away for a night a couple of times (and will be again over the year) but I don’t want to leave her for any longer yet. Maybe when she’s older.

How often are the DC with you?

Surely this is part of being a blended family and also having a wide range of ages.

If I was the dad I wouldn’t want to have holidays with only some of my DC (especially at the ages they are)

Yes the steps get holidays with their mum, but OP’s DD gets to spend all her time with both parents not being shunted between 2 homes and not have their parents together, and then have other adults brought into their lives and home. Not sure an extra holiday makes up for that

Yes it is frustrating, I have had the same conversations. When SC are here, it’s all about them, which I understand but DD still exists when they’re at their mum’s.

I’m not forcing him to come if he doesn’t want to, just taking DD on holiday by myself. Would you be offended if SC’s mum took her children on holiday? If not, why is it different if I do?

Stepmum takes her DC on holiday without their dad as they aren’t together any more.

I would find it odd if she took one on holiday and left the others behind as she would have a better holiday without them

Which is pretty much what you are asking DP to do.

She actually has younger kids too and has taken them on holiday without SC (her older kids) and her new husband plenty of times. She does it when SC are with us and they’ve never complained about it.

And I forgot but DP is taking SC on a theme park long weekend that me and DD aren’t going on. Is that a problem, him taking some of his kids and not all of them?

Your DH is being completely unreasonable. He should be doing both holidays with SC and with just you and your DD and not expect you to leave a 2 year old for a week. Your daughter is going to miss out on a lot because life should not stop just because the SC are not around and he feels guilty. They have holidays with him and with their mum because they are separated but your daughter’s parents are not separated!

Why don’t you join him for the theme park?

I’m in a nuclear family but I get DP position, he has 4 kids and doesn’t want to take some and not others.

You chose a man with 3 kids so I guess there will be sacrifices with that.

However you have 1 DC so are free to go away without DH - I would.

Solo holidays with a little one are magic. Do it

So their DD has to be the one making the sacrifices does she? He’s leaving her behind for the theme park trip so why can’t he leave them behind for a trip with DD??

I think it’s nice for SC and DP to spend time together, and to be honest it wouldn’t be much fun for DD and me because they’d be wanting to spend it all queuing for big rides that she can’t go on. He doesn’t want to take all four (obviously) because then he wouldn’t be able to go on the rides.

I think, with the age gap, there’s always going to be some separation in activities and that’s fine.

As long as SC are being involved in one holiday you are totally within your right to want a holiday with just your child.

Your dp is being ridiculous. Go on holiday with your dd. I go away a few times a year without dh (we have holidays together too). My dd was a breeze at age 2, especially when it was just both of us.

You're having a family holiday with all the children so I can't see why it would be a problem for you to have a solo break with your little one at a different time. He doesn't have to come if he doesn't want to. I think it's natural for a part time parent to struggle sometimes with guilt and juggling priorities but your little one is just as important as the other children and he's happy to take his other children away without her so how is it different to take her away on your own? I would tell him you're taking her away and he can join you or not, but he shouldn't make you feel bad about wanting a little holiday with your own child!

I agree that you will have a lovely time on your own with your DD. He is happy for his ex to take his older children away without him so can’t really complain if you take your DD without him.

I was going to say YABU but as you have booked a holiday focused on SC's needs, and they are getting a separate long weekend with their dad, I think it's fair enough to prioritise your DD.

I also think DD deserves some of her dad's attention on holiday. I imagine he's feeling guilty but he's over compensating here.

I'd book it for when SC are away with mum if possible.

that is very telling

YANBU. I would do the same. He’s being a bit silly here. I regularly go on holiday separately with DC as they have different interests and enjoy different types of holidays.

It’s telling that I don’t want to leave my two year old for a week? I don’t know anyone who does!

DP and his ex split when she was pregnant and did split custody from the start so both of them are used to time apart from their children. I’m not because DP and I are still together so I don’t need to.

I see no issue here OP. My husband and I have 3 children (all both of ours). No step children for full clarity. They are 20, 18 and 14 now. Over the last couple of years, I have done some breaks/holidays with just the younger 2 and some with just my youngest. I have 3 breaks planned with the youngest this year. Although the older ones were invited and chose not to come (my eldest doesn’t enjoy camping and the 18 year old is at the point where he’s just “bored” all the time and doesn’t want to do anything wherever we go). I don’t see why we should miss out on the opportunity to go away just because others in the family don’t want to go. My husband gets 13 days less annual leave than I get, hence me planning trips solo.

You’ve said about going just the 3 of you, your DH has declined. His reason for declining is valid and I commend him for it. But that doesn’t mean you don’t get to go either. Go and have a great time - one of my biggest regrets is not doing the solo trips before the last couple of years.

Ive taken our kids separately on holiday by myself. Without the other child and without DH. They were specific holidays suitable for me and the child at the age they were. I don't see any issue with this at all.

I think it’s unreasonable of your husband to expect your parents to look after a 2 year old for a week. Overnight is very different from a whole week your parents will be exhausted and your child will probably miss you a lot.