Dummy at 8?

[Sockmate]

Niece has a dummy, dipped in honey several times a day, probably around 20, then all night. No SEN. Sister says its 'just a cute little part of her'. I hugely disagree, so damaging for her teeth. Speech is affected already. She is doing poorly at school, lowest grades in class, getting learning support, has missed a lot of school due to asthma. I made the point last week the dummy probably isnt helping. Child has constant cough with antibiotics/steroids, round after round. I'm baffled that she thinks this is ok. I know a lot of children go beyond the recommended 1 to 2 years but this is taking the piss!!! Also the dummy's are changed maybe once a year if that 🤢🤢 response I got was its doing no harm and she personally knows older kids than hers that have dummies 🙄

Is it just a case of you cant argue with stupid? Concerned for my little niece. AIBU?

This is abusive in my opinion. It’s very strange and unusual. Is the school aware? Could be taken as part of the bigger picture. I’d get in touch with the safeguarding lead there.
Are there any other safeguarding concerns?

I have 2 x SEN children myself. She was actually assessed as her brother does. Learning support is due to missing 40 plus days instead year...

She has SN and children who do are more prone to chest infections and the rest of what you've put in your post. With their being see how issues, has Autism been suggested by the school? What is the school like for SEN referrals?

I don't see what the cough/asthma has to do with the dummy unless she is sharing the dummy with people who have colds. Also if she is getting learning support then she doesn't have no SEN.

It's not great for an 8 year old to have a dummy, especially with honey on it. If you were the mum i would suggest those chewy necklace things instead but as her aunt then I don't think there is anything you can do really.

So it runs in the family? You do know how easily, compliant girls can be un or misdiagnosed?

Tbh I agree. I think its infantalising a child. She is not far off high school! I think its for my sisters benefit. She likes to use baby language too to both kids. Do you want to pee pee? Do you want a biccy/dinky (drink) etc
Constantly tells people niece is tiny for her age. She's really not, petite but about average height.

Whether she has SEN or not, a dummy dipped in honey 20 times a day is really really damaging for teeth and should absolutely be stopped.

Completely as this was the case for another child in wider family.

The learning support is due to having missed entire chapters of maths for example due to absenteeism. I suppose its more 'catching her up ' as opposed to actual LS

I knew someone many years ago who used to give the kid a bottle of neat squash to get them to go to sleep. Think the teeth went black.

Oh this isn’t normal and the honey is atrocious tbh.

can your mum and dad have a word with her? What about your BIL?

To be honest I feel like the honey 20 times a day is worse than the actual dummy. I sucked my thumb until I was 13😳 and it didn't really affect my teeth

Agreed and if she gets upset they reach for it, rather than discussing with her whats upset her and talking it through. I'm just concerned if friends find out she will get hugely bullied. Its put out of sight for play dates etc at her request so she's aware herself its not 'normal'

It is absolutely infantilising. She doesn’t want her child to grow up and it’s weird.

People are derailing the thread by debating whether the kid might have SEN but it’s irrelevant. It would be inappropriate to give a dummy (especially dipped in honey) to an eight-year-old whether she has SEN or not.

Omg neat squash?? How would child even stomach that? 🤢🤢

Her teeth will rot. Has the school not called social services?

A dummy on an 8 year old is scandalous, even before the addition of honey (WTF?). Your niece's mouth muscles, airways and dentition are all likely to be severely damaged by this, and of course her speech development will be impaired.

Does your sister take your DN to the dentist?

I was going to start defending the dummy because one of my autistic dc used it until 7. But this is batshit! And putting honey on it so gets sugar all the time! Her teeth must be decaying. It sounds like the mum has MH problems and wants to keep her daughter from growing up.

I find that really unsettling OP.
I'm not sure there is much you can do other than get some hard facts and speak to your sister.

Agreed! Mumsnet always derails quickly!

To answer another poster, BIL very much under the thumb, I get the feeling might not be ok with it but is probably shot down if he raises it. Re parents Mum goes along with it, she has always been one if life's false peacekeepers as they say! Won't say anything so as not to cause an argument, she is quite intimidated by my DS. Dad died 10 years ago, he would have had plenty to say about it trust me 😂😂 they are estranged from their in laws so no opinions there as they have NC

I dont know, I presume not aware as afaik she doesnt bring it to school but has it before and immediately afterwards

Yes I think 20 basically spoonfuls I would imagine of honey is doing more damage

As far as I know shes never been to a dentist!

I suspect MH problems. Its not normal but no talking to her

Maybe you should talk about that to your sister? At 8 every child needs to have been to the dentist quite often.