To think the age of consent should be raised to 18 if there is a significant age gap?

[Waitingforthesunnydays]

Watched a documentary recently where a 16-year-old girl was preyed on by a 24-year-old man online. He was controlling and abusive and convinced her to move hundreds of miles away from her family with him. Obviously, being 16, she thought she was in love and didn’t see the abuse for what it was. Her mum and the police could do nothing about it cos she was 16. Made me think, AIBU to think the age of consent should be 18 if one of the people involved is more than 4 or 5 years older than the other? Makes sense to me. Lots of 16 year olds are so naive and inexperienced and have no idea how to spot abusive behaviour. Many have a romanised idea of love and think the behaviour is a sign of being in love rather than control & abuse

Well in that specific example she sounds vulnerable as no 16 year old should be living with a partner. Did she have a bad childhood?

People do indeed mature at different ages and of course not all men are predators.

But its not just about avoiding predators (although that's a significant part of it). It's about enabling women to have the maximum power and autonomy they can at a time when they have their lives ahead of them so they can make good, informed choices. A young woman has so much more to lose than a young man by becoming sexually active young, even more by being married off and producing children when she's barely old enough to work or vote.

Sure, early marriage might just work out but no one loses by allowing that young woman to keep her options open, explore the world a bit, learn about herself, get an education and work towards a career. Just a few years longer.

You can't prevent teenagers from experimenting sexually and a higher age of consent isn't going to wipe that out. And you can't prevent predatory men from being predatory. But raising the age of consent to 18 would send a signal to younger people of both sexes that having sex and settling down young is suboptimal. It would send a signal that this is an age to find yourself, to learn about the world and focus on your future, not on closing your life down to marriage and chilldren early.

It would also help to denormalise the idea that a 16 year old girl is ready for sex and make older men think twice about targeting them.

Surely you can have sex without " settling down" though.

You absolutely can (and should). Far better in my view to be sexually experimenting (safely) than to be tied down at the age of 16.

But by allowing (and sometimes encouraging) women to get married at 16 you're normalising the idea that young marriage is a good thing.

I think Romeo and Juliet clauses are a good idea. They are not uncommon around the world - in parts of Europe, Canada and the US, according to Google. We've already got something like this with the age of consent being 16, or 18 if the relationship is with someone in a position of trust/authority. I don't think there's anything wrong with a law that says 16 if the relationship is with someone up to (e.g.) 4 years older, otherwise it's 18.

And yet the vote is to be given to 16 and 17 year olds.

Voting doesn’t jeopardise the rest of your life. Getting married does.

Really?
You can divorce.
You're kinda stuck if you vote in a party that turn out to be evil dictators.

I agree

Despite being pro a Romeo and Juliet type law, I do agree that it’s actually evolutionary fairly normal for older men to be attracted to older teens. However, there are plenty of things that are evolutionary normal that aren’t ok in our society now, because we have a much better understanding of our brains, emotions and the impact our behaviour has on other people. For example, territorial violence. It wouldn’t be ok to beat a stranger to death for walking up your garden path. Xenophobia, which is actually completely natural, but racism and fear of others who look different is not socially acceptable now.

They are called 'Romeo and Juliet laws' more common in the USA. They mainly allow for teenagers who are underage, not be prosecuted for consensual sex.

It could be enforced the same way as the current law.

Your opinion is irrelevant because it’s not based on fact. I assumed you were trolling but it seems you seriously believe that children are grown adults. I can only assume that you’re very young and naive yourself. Or perhaps defensive due to your personal circumstances. Maybe you’re a grown adult attracted to 16 year olds?

I doubt it would work. Relationships of any age gap can be coercive and controlling so how would it be policed?

Thank goodness for modern times...

@Butchyrestingface

I agree with your points, but I'm fine with the age of consent staying at 16.

As you say, there gets a point where you can't just keep legislating against what people are consensually, wilfully and happily doing.

I believe the law should also be based on whether actual harm is taking place.

Some people may find an 18-year-old and a 35-year-old in a relationship to be morally repugnant, but that's their personal, subjective view. It doesn't make that relationship objectively immoral. If both parties are happy and consenting, then the relationship is not harmful and so it's really nobody else's business.

Laws against abuse in general would cover abusive relationships between adults.

Ok, fair enough. So a 16 yo can only have sex with someone upto 18, 20? I'm just not sure how they could choose an appropriate cut off point.

But I agree a 25 yo adult shouldn't be dating a 16 yo. And if that stops it then that's good.

This! Just because you met your weirdo of a man/ husband when you were a child, doesn’t make it ok. If you can’t look at teenage boys at the age your partner was when he met you and find them attractive then it’s not normal. We ALL met and had experiences with older men as teens and most of us can now see how disgusting it was and how no decent women, their own age would have gone near them. They felt more comfortable with us as we were easy targets, easy to manipulate, naive children. End of.

Thank you!

😂I've already said on this thread that I've never been attracted to anyone my age, only older. But don't let facts get in the way of your totally invented stories (typical MN!)

I agree with the OP. I'd like it to be simple, and the penalty being that you are on the sex offenders register for a period of time.

Really though....what is the difference (in maturity) between and 16/17 year old "schoolgirl" and an 18 year old "schoolgirl" (which many 18 year olds are).
Where would you then start drawing another line.
18 if you have left school and have a job or are at university but not 18 if you are still at the local girls school that makes you wear a childish uniform?
But both are 18 (and can vote, go to war, marry, drink alcohol etc).

I mean much as I think voting is important at a societal level, one vote cast for one bad party will have less impact on your life than marrying an abuser, a paedophile, a cheat or a ne'er do well when you're 16.

Yes you can divorce. But being preoccupied with a husband and small children at a time when you're still learning about the world yourself wipes out so much of the most important and formative years of your life. Even if the husband turns out to be benign. And then you've wasted so much time.

By the time you emerge with a sound sense of who you are and what you want from life you will have sunk years away, likely without an education, work experience or just the experience of being young and free. It takes a lot of motivation and focus to pull yourself back from this sort of a start in life and most women don't have it.

I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy.

@Thepeopleversuswork but you could marry a bad husband at 18 if that was the minimum age. I don't think 16 are 18 are that different in maturity.
Voting can have a massive effect on future life. I expect many of ordinary Germans who voted for the National Socialist party in 1933 weren't expecting the life it led too.

I think marrying at 18 is also a terrible idea. But I think establishing the age of consent and age of legal marriage towards the end of the teenage years establishes the idea that the state and society does not sanction very young marriage. It won't eliminate abuse but it just sets a benchmark for what we expect for our young women.

When I was 15 I had a relationship with a 26 yr old man. He used to pick me up from school. We’d go out to pubs and clubs (no ID needed then). My mum found out and contacted my school to report him. I told the teacher and my parents that I wouldn’t stop seeing him. He was lovely and never did anything wrong to me. He never hurt me in any way. We lost touch when I started going away travelling and didn’t communicate for decades. He got married and had a child. I got married and had two children. I incidentally saw him at a funeral about 8 years ago and we stayed in touch via FB. I was divorced and he was separated. We met up a few times just for walks/coffee.
Last year, I contacted him as I needed help to escape a DV situation (man I’d lived with for a year) and he did help me.
Now, I’m 54, he’s 65 and we are back together. My parents now adore him, like I do.