To think the age of consent should be raised to 18 if there is a significant age gap?

[Waitingforthesunnydays]

Watched a documentary recently where a 16-year-old girl was preyed on by a 24-year-old man online. He was controlling and abusive and convinced her to move hundreds of miles away from her family with him. Obviously, being 16, she thought she was in love and didn’t see the abuse for what it was. Her mum and the police could do nothing about it cos she was 16. Made me think, AIBU to think the age of consent should be 18 if one of the people involved is more than 4 or 5 years older than the other? Makes sense to me. Lots of 16 year olds are so naive and inexperienced and have no idea how to spot abusive behaviour. Many have a romanised idea of love and think the behaviour is a sign of being in love rather than control & abuse

I think it is hard to legislate for specific scenarios. You have picked one because you know someone in that situation but someone else would ban all age gaps of say 10 years + and someone else would come up with something else. I don't think this is a widespread enough problem worth changing the law over.

I also don't think common sense kicks in at 18. If you are romanticising at 16 you are probably still doing it at 18 or 21. Same if you have an unhealthy idea about relationships. Loads of women (and some men) end up in coercive, controling or otherwise abusive relationships and they aren't all teenagers and not all of those relationships have a big age gap. I think better education around what healthy relationships should look like and how to identify a power imbalance, co-ercive controil etc would be much more useful than changing the law.

At 17, my boyfriend was 27. Of course my parents were unhappy but after initially banning him from the house, they decided to get over it. We were together 3 years. We split up because I decided he was a bit of a nob with no prospects and I had pretty much outgrown him, not because he was 10 years older than me. I am not sure things would have been any different if I had happened to meet him 8 months later when I was 18.

Some people are just attracted to people who are a bit older/younger. Most of my relationships have been with older men. I spent 5 years with someone I met at 21 who was 9 years older than me and then had a long marriage to someone I met in my late 20s who was 7 years older.

I actually thought that it was! Or I may be thinking about rules surrounding those in particular roles, and positions - like a power imbalance.

They already have that law in some states in America, I think they call it a Romeo and Juliet law. I think its a good idea.

It's 18 in some states.
16 or 17 in other states.
However some states (including California) have no minimum age for marriage providing parents/guardians and a Judge agrees to it happening. Once married sex is legal.
So a 13,14 or 15 year girl old (or actually even younger) can legally get married and have sex with a considerably older man.
I really don't think America "has it right" 🤔

IMO It should just be 18 regardless. Not just in age gap situations.

16 year olds are not, in my opinion, emotionally mature enough to fully understand the nuances and contexts of a sexual relationship.
But the current age allows certain people to dismiss their predatory behaviour, eh.

I think emotional maturity varies, it could quite easily be an issue of someone who is 24 with a 23 year old. So I disagree.

And if she says they are not having sex?

When my parents met they were 17 and 27. They are still happily married now.
i had a bf who was 22 when i was 16. Looking back, apart from my husband that was my healthiest and happiest relationship. I fondly look back at this time and wouldnt wanna change it at all.

The law should be half your age plus seven. With the AOC remaining at 16. So (for instance) it would be legal for an 18 and 16 year old to have sex but not for anyone older than 18 to have sex with a 16 year old.

Why are men in their late 20s interested in/attracted to teenagers though? To be it is so wrong.

Evolutionary its completely normal and necessary.

Im surprised you would ask this.

I don’t think you can enforce this legally. I think there should be social stigma. I side eye any 24 year old dating a 16 year old.

It’s not normal nor necessary. Puberty is even finished then.

(Such a lazy argument “it’s evolutionary”.

These kinds of men don’t value women as people. There is no way they actually have any form of intelligent conversation with somebody so young.

Really??

Yep, there was a crazy senator Mike Moon, saying marriage at 12 is fine.

https://www.google.com/url?sa=t&source=web&rct=j&opi=89978449&url=www.kansascity.com/news/politics-government/article274244525.html&ved=2ahUKEwjy7brGscySAxUqXEEAHdDILIsQFnoECGEQAQ&usg=AOvVaw3wtOqkFWyBGhppGozJAIkR

I would just raise it to 18 full stop (like it is in many European countries and US states) but accept that teens both under 18 aren’t going to be prosecuted for having sex with each other.

I was 17 with a 19 year old boyfriend, it wasn’t a bad experience and he didn’t push me into anything but looking back a big part of why I did it was to “get it over with” and because lots of my friends already had, I think if the age of consent had been 18 I would have waited

Yes, really.

But in that scenario, a 16 and 17 yo could have been having sex for a year and then suddenly one of them could be prosecuted because they are now 18. That makes no sense.

When I was around the age of 27 I worked with a lot of younger folks - 16/17/18 year olds.
We had a lot of interests in common - films, music, books etc.
Some of my colleagues who were the same age as me also had interests in common with the younger staff like football. So much that a few started up a 5 a-side team.
It's not that unusual to have similar interests with people who are different ages and be on the "same page" with their outlook on life.
Not always "creepy weirdos".

YANBU OP.

When I was 25 I looked very young to the extent I would get offered a child fare on public transport, always ID’d in supermarkets buying knives or paracetomol etc.

I was hit on by a 17 year old in my wider social circle at a party who probably hadn’t realised how old I was. It did make me laugh but I told him in no uncertain terms that it wasn’t happening!

I mean we had things in common since we were loosely in the same social circle, went to the same clubs and parties and had some mutual friends but still in terms of a relationship - no! I saw him more like a little brother I wanted to protect!

There was a thread the other day about a woman who met her partner when she was 17 and he was a 28 year old divorcee with a child. 6 years on and the OP had basically been a stepmum since her teen years and at age 24 was beginning to doubt her life choices.

the OP’s sister was now close to 17 and it made her question why her partner had got with her around that age, as she would hate that for her sister to be coupled up with an almost 30 year old with child.

So a 2 tier system, are you putting up the funds to enforce it?

That seems pretty arbitrary, what's that based on?

Would that a apply to all relationships or only where 1 partner is under 16?

Who said they are intellugent?

Btw my ex went out with an 18 ( almost 19) year old at the age of 25. He was a virgin and had never really had a " proper" girlfriend before then

She had lived with an ex boyfriend for 18 months previously and he hadnt been her first lover.

But according to everyone here he was holding power and experuence over her. Hmmm