Selfish downsizing

[Eatthebeat]

I am genuinely very lucky. DH and I have good jobs and we have bought a big house in the countryside. Children at private school and very happy there.

But I'm so tired and stressed out. My job is so full on, and I'm nonstop for about 12 hours a day. I have half an hour a day to myself if I'm lucky, and I'm so tired and overwhelmed I either doomscroll or fall asleep.

I dream of downsizing my life and making it simpler. Getting up at a decent hour. Having time to make a nice meal to enjoy with my kids. Having energy to do things in the evening or on the weekend.

But my kids (both primary aged) are so happy with their school and their home, and they would lose both.

So please tell me IABU and very selfish to want to downsize. Bonus points for stories of downsizing going wrong/life still being overwhelming/ grass not being greener on the other side etc etc.

Thanks.

Time spent with my kids whilst they are young is way more important to me to having a big house. We chose to stay in a smaller house, when we could have moved to a big house, with me not really working much.
We are all really happy to have made that decision.

You need to move or change jobs

in your case it’s hard because moving is an effort but you could keep the kids at school with their friends

or find ways to outsource the cleaning and shopping and make sure DH is doing at least his fair share

I really feel i am. I have a healthy family (as far as I know) and enough money to keep us comfortable and fed. So yes I am luckier, and undeservedly so, than many people out there.

I am genuinely very lucky. DH and I have good jobs and we have bought a big house in the countryside. Children at private school and very happy there.

I think you’re very stretched not so lucky.
Move to a smaller house in a central location, your kids will thank you when they’re teens.

We can only afford the fees with both jobs.

What exactly would downsizing mean in the way of housing and private education?Can you work in your role with less hours? Private education gets more expensive the older the children are and before you know they are grown up so you need to weigh how important the house with all its expenses and private education is worth.If you become ill what then I would look at what you could buy that would take the pressure from you.Look at state education you may be surprised.Good luck with your decision.

What use is a lovely big house... if you can't enjoy it?

Can you downsize the house and still keep the kids in their schools, but give you / DH less working hours?

DH does a lot of the housework. More than me.

Could you keep children at current school and down size in your local area?

We could, but it'd still be a long commute and I'd still be just as tired but in a less nice house

When you are run down and exhausted every solution can seem wrong

but the alternative is that you break at some point

would selling up free up cash so that you could change jobs? Is it your work that is 12hrs a day ? And why did you opt out of the working hours directive ( does that still hold ? )

Make the children take the school bus

No school bus and can't afford to move to city.
I'm in an industry where it's expected that you go above and beyond for clients. You don't do that, you don't get clients. So working time directives don't really count.
My idea would be to sell the house and buy a smaller place outright with the profit we get on the sale. Then a pocket money job and the kids in a local school.
But you lot are supposed to be telling me how selfish and awful I am!! I made my bed, I lie in it etc etc!

Why would it be less nice?
You say you can't quit your jobs and don't want to take kids out of school, so the only option is to move to a house you can cope with.

Im pretty poor, so don't have these problems, but I have by chance in the past lived in two very big houses with garden etc. Never again! So.Much.Cleaning! And tidying and expensive to decorate and so on and so on.

Is stamp duty not a factor?

In your shoes I’d move the kids to a state primary. If you can easily afford private secondary when they reach that age then do that or they can go to the local comp.

You matter too.

I have been in pretty much exactly that position a few years ago.

It’s ironic, Now that the big bills are finally out of the way, I felt safer in establishing some boundaries with work. And it turns out that those boundaries are fine. I worried I would lose my job if I didn’t go all out on the12 hour days, but it turns out the 9 hour days are just fine. I get less done, but am still getting “exceptional” in my performance reviews. I was slogging my guts out for no reason.

Try deliberately doing a bit less at work and see what happens.

You made your bed, looked at it a, time to remake it

Are your children in private primary and can then move to a state secondary school or are your plans to keep them in private until 18?
If they could change to a state secondary school then you could do less hours.

What are the benefits you get from your job? Good pay obviously. Good holiday entitlement?
Do you slog all year and then get to have great holidays and some family time?

it’s all about weighing up the pros and cons.
How does your dh feel? Does he know you feel this way? What have you discussed?

DH loves the house, enjoys his job. I have spoken to him about my idea, but never seriously