Explain to me why you offence is caused by saying things like 'mildly autistic' etc.

[Purpleturtle45]

If ASD is a spectrum why do people commonly disagree that you can be mildly autistic or severely autistic etc.

My daughter is diagnosed with ASD, however you wouldn't really know unless you knew her well. She goes to mainstream school and copes well with everyday life most of the time so to me I would say she is mildly autistic but I often see people getting ripped to shreds on here for using that term.

Genuinely wondering how 'spectrum' can literally be in the title of the condition but people disagree there can be different severities.

It offends me when my ( recently diagnosed) H describes himself as ‘mildly autistic’ and not disabled, as I think, ‘no you are not and yes you fucking are’

It means he has no understanding of of the impact his autism has on the rest of us.

As for that diagram pp posted, whoever put ‘executive functioning’ on the ‘less autistic’ side has clearly never tried to raise a family with someone with poor executive functioning 🙄

It doesn’t. It’s another thing where people are told what to think because it upsets certain people in society.

I work in a school. My special education class is not the same as my year 2 class. Both of which have children with autism in them. Both will have very different life experiences but one group will have more chances afforded them. I’d be absolutely ignorant to my own eyes to say “it’s a spectrum of colours”.

There is high need and low need.

I think it’s a good description. I have many friends I and they would describe as mildly autistic. They have independent lives, jobs, can drive etc. It’s a world away from my autistic nephew who can’t speak or do much.

I actually think the linear labels, whilst simplistic, without nuance, do actually help the larger non-ASD population to empathise and support in a way that is easier to understand.

If someone said ‘mild autism’ or ‘severe autism’ it’s instantly recognisable to most people what that might mean and a ballpark of what that person is capable of coping with.

Saying that someone else suffers more (or indeed less) than you isn't describing your suffering as invalid. Obviously. It's just saying that maybe someone else is worse off than you. That shouldn't be offensive.

As an analogy: I'm Irish. I have very occasionally encountered racism in the UK as a result (people mocking my accent, mainly). Now, do you think it's fair to say that is a very mild form of racism and that I haven't experienced the severe racism that others suffer? (Trump's horrific picture of the Obamas as an example).

Don't you think it would be incredibly insulting and arrogant of me to insist that that I am just as badly off as people whose education, jobs, safety and general daily lives are affected by racism?

Let’s swap autism with COVID. You catch COVID and you can have mild to moderate symptoms or severe symptoms. But either way, you have COVID, not just a little bit of COVID - you are still COVID positive.

My DS has profound autism with learning disabilities. He has many challenges, but I bet there are some things that he finds easy that your daughter probably finds a challenge. It’s not a linear spectrum.

Because when someone says “x has mild autism” what they actually mean is “x’s autism doesn’t impact me, therefore it can’t be that big of a deal”

You don't need to assume everyone has “the same needs” either, but telling someone their disability is mild is just shitty behaviour, don’t you think?

PPs. If all diagnoses are equal, then the need is equal surely?

Alternatively the word autistic means the same thing, but the need is different. Hence the qualifiers of mild, severe, high functioning etc.

Bit like having cancer. Then having very treatable early stage Brest cancer, or terminal pancreatic cancer. You'd qualify those, because they're different situations.

Either you are autistic or you are not. There might be huge differences in level of functioning and the way it impacts your life, but you either have the condition or you don't.

'Mildly' or 'a bit' autistic trivialises autism, as do phrases like 'neurospicy' and people who call it a 'superpower'.

I would never tell someone.

Plenty of people have described themselves (and their children) as mild, high functioning etc.

It’s not instantly recognisable at all though.

When someone says “you only have mild autism though”, they mean “you look normal and appear to function and your autism doesn’t affect me so it can’t be a big deal to you”.

Just because someone describes themselves in a certain way, doesn’t make it okay for you to decide that another person fits that description though.

I don't think there's an implication of executive function challenges meaning "less autistic " in that diagram. The green to red linear spectrum abive is clearly labelled as incorrect and wrong, and the wheel version is just using 5 different colours without implication that green is a "less autistic" trait. Someone with extremely large challenges in executive function is not deemed any "less autistic" than someone with extreme motor skills challenge

What?

If they have used that description, how is that on me at all?

How am I deciding anything? They used those words.

Many people with “severe” autism have multiple other conditions alongside it, so it’s really not that simple.

It’s really not ok for you to decided what people are free to think and decide for themselves.

You’ve misread me - what I meant was just because person A says they’re mildly autistic, doesn’t mean it’s okay to also describe person B with similar “symptoms” in the same way.

Nowhere have I said I would do this.

Again, you’ve misread what I said.

If person A wants to describe their autism as mild, that’s fine.

But that doesn’t mean you can assume it’s okay to describe person B as also having ‘mild’ autism just because they present the same.

I agree OP. I don't think it is helpful to say 'mildly autistic' as I also agree you either are or you're not, but you can certainly have a milder experience of autism than the next person with autism IMO.

My long term ex is autistic. She had a decent job. Drove
Friends, played a sport.

She was severely affected socially and was incapable of a close relationship with me because she absolutely couldn't see things from a point of view of another person and was very much affected by solipsism and lack of empathy but, very capable of living a normal life other than that.

Compared to my friends DS now in his 20s, doubly incontinent, non-verbal and was in a pushchair until his teens. Absolutely never going to live independently

Or another man I know. Lived independently but doesnt wash unless prompted, verbal but only talks about 5 or 6 subjects. Works in a shop but in the back. Lived with his mum until she died, cannot do anything 'new' to him without very clear instruction.

3 people very different lives and experiences all autistic
But I would say my ex's experience of autism was milder than the other two as she can look after herself and do a lot more things a non autistic person can.

Exactly this. Just because they are “high functioning” and appear to cope doesn’t mean they are.

I did very well throughout school and masked heavily. I had a complete breakdown when I went into uni. I’m back at work and still mask and go on with life but it doesn’t feel “mild” to me. I think this is not unusual for many autistic girls who mask.

I was speaking generally.

As well as the colour map shown, it's also really important to remember that how affected people are in certain areas can change over the life course, and those who appear to have 'mild' symptoms are often masking in certain areas.

My own experience, was that I was considered a very good child. I got top grades, excelled in a couple of extra curriculars and had friends. At 16, I had what was considered a breakdown, but I now understand to have been severe burnout. I didn't talk for months, couldn't look people in the eye, couldn't function, stunned excessively etc.

I eventually learned to mask again, and although diagnosed as autistic, lots of people don't believe it. My husband, on the other hand, sees the backend!

Because it’s not a linear spectrum and everyone is spiky. A kid who doesnt talk until aged 5 isnt necessarily ‘severe’ and a kid who develops‘typically’ may have more other issues later on.

This is something I struggle with!

My dh was diagnosed with ASD at 50.....he is a fully functioning independent adult who has a job, friends etc. His autism does not define him and has not severely impacted his life, that is not to say he hasn't faced many challenges over the years.
Our ds has ASD he was diagnosed at 3 and attends a special school for pupils with severe and complex needs. Ds is 18 now and has made great progress but he will never function independently.......he needs someone with him at all times.
It's ridiculous to me (and dh) that they have the same diagnosis and we do consider dh's ASD to be mild in comparison to ds.