To move against 18 year olds wishes?

[SkelatorIamNot]

I had children young in life and have always been stuck in the rental trap. I am finally in a position to buy a home and have seen one I particularly like.

My DC is 18 and still lives at home, they do not like the location of the potential house as it is in a different town to where we live now. They don't want to move away from their friends and are worried their dad will be put out as he currently lives in walking distance to us. DC still sees their dad on Sundays, they don't pop in any other time or anything.

DC and I both work in another town which is in between where we live now and the potential new home. The journey to work would be approximately 5 minutes longer than it is now.

To get from new town to current town would be about an hour on the bus but 15 minutes in a car, DC has money saved for driving lessons but hasn't done anything about getting on with them.

Would I be unreasonable to move DC against their wishes or should I buy in our current town? I am also looking in our work town but I particularly like the house I have seen and new town is cheaper so we would get more house for our money.

dc is 18.

in an ideal world he’d already be looking at moving out and living independently and certainly in the next couple of years.

i would not be taking his views into consideration. If he doesn’t like it he can get his own place.

I think after 18 years of putting a child first it's not unreasonable to want to make a decision that's in your own best interests. Buying a home will give you stability longer term.

He'll just have to deal with it. At 18 his life will be changing radically over the next years as he goes to uni (perhaps). Relationships change quite a lot at 17-21.

You're not moving that far, and at some point you are allowed to have your own life! If you can help DC with driving lessons and/or give lifts occasionally I don't see the issue.

DC manages to get to job. DC can manage to work out seeing Dad and friends. DC can rent somewhere themselves if they dislike.

This is a fairly minimal change for someone of 18, which is when life starts to open up naturally anyway. I don't think they get to decide which house to purchase with your money. That's your decision, as the homeowner and the adult. If they would like to purchase a house in a different place then that's a goal to work towards.

I was a bit annoyed when he said well Dad won't be happy about it. I have another child who is 20 but away at uni, he doesn't seem to have an opinion and is just glad to hear he will still have a room to come home to as when needed.

Time to put your needs first.
At 18 your DC can start to think about where they may want to eventually settle for THEIR future but this is your time now. Doesn't sound like travelling is beyond their reach.
If you are currently renting and moving will allow you to buy, you need to grasp this opportunity.

OP, do not consider your DC's wishes or whether his precious dad will be "put out". In fact they can go and live with him if they feel that sorry for him. Your 18 year old's life will start to transform over the next few years and they won't be worrying about you stuck in a rental, I can assure you. If this is the worst thing to happen to them so far then they're bloody lucky.

Could he move in with his dad?
How would you feel about that?

I don’t think “you’re 18 now so I’m making my own decisions and you’ll have to lump it” is the right attitude tbh. Is DC paying rent? Can you discuss the next steps together, e.g. move but you’ll help them get started with driving, or making a plan to move in a year?

Yanbu, these are minimal changes. DC can learn to drive or find their own accommodation, if they’re so fussed.

It’s much more secure to be able to buy your own home.

If daddy doesn’t like it then they move on with him simple

The OP says that their DC has money to take driving lessons but has done nothing about it so perhaps this is the nudge they need to start?
In my day (I know, I am old☹️) it was perfectly normal & necessary to start riding a moped at 16 as living in a village, public transport was not adequate for those of us who had joined the working world.

Buying their own house is a major step for anyone and I should imagine even moreso after renting so the OP needs to grasp this chance, especially if she has identified an affordable house that she actually likes (affordable and like do not always go hand in hand).

I think it is fine to explain to your DC that this is your best shot at owning a home you will be happy in and need to think about your future. I do think showing some understanding of their feelings is necessary even if you still move. They are 18 not 28. Would they move in with their dad if you move? Would you mind this?

So your kids father only sees them once a week anyway, despite living in walking distance?

Does their dad drive? If so,surely he won’t be seeing them any less than he currently does since it’s only a 15 minute drive to the new house?

And if he doesn't bother to drive over that’s a shame, but it’s his issue not your fault.

If they were in the middle of school or something I’d get it, but they’re an adult albeit a young adult now so they need to think of the bigger picture. And you can sit down and have a chat with them to help them get to that point - or at least try to. They might not get it initially but they will eventually.

They’ll probably soon be driving anyway so they can visit their friends easily and things change, they might even make new friends that live closer to them.

I grew up in a town outside Glasgow and most of my friends lived in Glasgow,
so at 18 I was used to using public transport to catch up with friends.

They will just need to get used to it too!

Life is full of compromise. DC 18 is not without options. They can learn to drive, they could move out to a more desirable location for them, or they can move with you and enjoy all the current benefits of living with Mum. I think you’d be mad not to secure your future and buy if you’ve got yourself into a position where you can afford it. You won’t want to be stuck renting in retirement.

Could he afford rent if you could help with a deposit for his own place or could he move in with his dad until he gets something sorted. You need to do what you want to do as in 6 months he could just randomly decide he's moving out or going travelling or anything.

😂
I don’t think you know much about rent these days.

@BerryTwister they can rent a room in a house share, same situation as what they have now. They do not need their own place unless they can afford it of course.

@SkelatorIamNot move, he is 18 and old enough to make decisions about what he wants to do, move with you, move into his Dad's, look at renting a room. Spareroom is a great website.

I mean there is an easy answer no?

They can move in with their dad. Win win.

Well each to their own, but I wouldn’t do it. Being 18 is hard, and upheaval is difficult. I’d leave it a couple more years at least.

Oh my sweet summer child...

The U.K. rental market is the equivalent of Winter Is Coming

in an ideal world he’d already be looking at moving out and living independently and certainly in the next couple of years.
What world do you live in.
What a ridiculous statement. Mine are in there mid 20s there is no way they can afford to move out any time soon.

He's 18. Does he work locally or is he in college? What's the real impact other than friends? Could a bike sweeten the deal or a donation to cover cost of some of the driving lessons.

Tell him, there's also a longer term benefit as the house will go towards his inheritance. Keep renting and he's getting nothing.