To move against 18 year olds wishes?

[SkelatorIamNot]

I had children young in life and have always been stuck in the rental trap. I am finally in a position to buy a home and have seen one I particularly like.

My DC is 18 and still lives at home, they do not like the location of the potential house as it is in a different town to where we live now. They don't want to move away from their friends and are worried their dad will be put out as he currently lives in walking distance to us. DC still sees their dad on Sundays, they don't pop in any other time or anything.

DC and I both work in another town which is in between where we live now and the potential new home. The journey to work would be approximately 5 minutes longer than it is now.

To get from new town to current town would be about an hour on the bus but 15 minutes in a car, DC has money saved for driving lessons but hasn't done anything about getting on with them.

Would I be unreasonable to move DC against their wishes or should I buy in our current town? I am also looking in our work town but I particularly like the house I have seen and new town is cheaper so we would get more house for our money.

You should go ahead and buy the house. Your DC can move with you, get a house share, or move in with their dad.

I rented till I was 45 . Id lived away from home since I was 18 -either at uni, in house shares or renting with a partner. Most people don't jump from living with mum and dad to buying. That's fine if you want to support your kids to do that but it's by no means the norm or the only option.

Do you live in London by any chance. Up north its normal to be moved out and have your own family in your mid 20s

Yeah. Hold yourself back from a future of owning your own home! The day my kids dictate my finances to me will be a bizarre world to live in.

No, I’m not in London and I was one of those people that moved out at 20 but now I work with a lot of young people who all have £20K or more in the bank and are frantically saving to buy their first homes. I just feel like things are different now to when I was that age.

I'm going to go against the grain and say that as 18 is still young, I'd sit him down and tell him you've heard him and you'll put off the move for 12 months. Let this house go. Make it clear it's likely you'll move to the other town in a year, that gives him fair warning to make his own plans or learn to drive.

It's not that I think you'd be unreasonable to move now exactly, just that I wouldn't want to have a major fall out with him if possible.

OP, you are the adult here. It’s your money and you understandably want to get on with your life. You buy the house that you want and if DC don’t like it they can move in with their Dad or rent a room in a shared house (at their own expense).

You can be nice and explain kindly etc but the bottom line is that you’re ready to crack on. Do it. Good luck!

When did you move out? 18 is too young to throw out but it’s too old to dictate your parents lives.

I seriously think you need to move op. Good houses that suit your needs don’t come up that often.

I sympathise with your dc but their life is about to change very imminently anyway by definition of being young. Your life however is your life now. It’s your responsibility to do what ever is most beneficial with your money, and your dc may come to be very grateful that you did so in future.

Explain to your dc and discuss your reasons but go ahead.

My generation moved out and rented by 18 to 20. I bought my house at 25.

Of our friends, I'd estimate two thirds have at least one adult child living with them (and which one changes) until they are 26 to 29.

P.S. - I completely agree the OP should move.

Given that most 18 year olds are moving to different cities for Uni, I wouldn’t pay any attention to him.
Go ahead and buy the house, he can make alternative arrangements himself if it doesn’t suit him.

XH doesn’t get a vote, DC doesn’t get a vote.

You have an opportunity to get onto the property ladder. Put your own oxygen mask on first. No explanations. No negotiations.

DC is an adult. Offer them a room, and let them make their own decision about whether they would like to join you in your new home.

He can move into his father's house if staying in the area means so much to him.

Don't take the comments as being about you.
What that's saying is 'I'm not confident I'll see my dad if it isn't as easy for him'.

Reassure your son you understand the worries but it's time for you to buy the best house for the future security of the family.

Tell him if he has any negative impacts you'll be there to listen and help him work out how he wants to respond.

Moving is stressful, even more so when you don't have a say - just be understanding and work together.

Oh come on, there's thousands of 18 year olds moving out of home every year.

In your specific circle maybe but loads of young people from the north don't have families in their 20s. Plenty of them move to London or other cities for jobs then return later, or never.

Yeh I’m near Manchester and lots of the 25 year olds there don’t have kids or have even moved out their parents house yet. From what I can tell it’s not considered unusual.

As an 18 year old, it is more likely than not that he'll be at home for a few years yet.

But it's in his long term interests for you to own a home. It'll be more secure for him if he does need housing with you as an adult, and if it's important to stay in the local area then his father can have a turn at accommodating him.

You must be kidding.

Fascinated by some posters using the term most, like most 18yo will be moving across the country to go to university, most people in their mid 20s will have moved out and started their own families. A poster has already posted the statistics for starting families and buying houses. The statistics for going to university is around 36%, so nowhere near most and more and more of them are opting to live at home and go to local university

Grab the chance with both hands, OP - renting when you can buy (and somewhere affordable, that you really like!) is crazy!
Do it whilst you’re in control and have optimum choices, rather than potentially being forced into moving somewhere you don’t like if the landlord shoves the rent up / chooses to sell,
etc. etc.
It’s really not that big of a deal for your DC. The move won’t happen overnight, so they have time to be well on the way to driving by the time it happens…

My view is different from others. I have a DS slightly older than yours and I’m in a similar position. I’ve decided to stay out for a couple of years until he passes his driving, has a car and is in a position to move out if he wants to. 18-24 is a tricky period and many young people struggle with mental health during these years. I wouldn’t want to move my DS away from his friends if I didn’t have to. A but if me also thinks that I owe it to him to give him a few more years stability as he had to deal with the fallout of me and his Dad splitting, moving to a new home, etc. So if I would say to wait a couple of years if you don’t really have to move right now.

To go to Uni maybe. Which isn’t really moving out as they’re home pretty much half the year. I don’t think many 18 year olds move out otherwise

Your 18 year old will either have to move out or move in with his dad or put up with the move. Do not think about not moving.