Should I accept a gift from my mother if she wants to exclude my DH from it?

[giving]

My mother has come into a largish inheritance and wants to pass some of it down to me for IHT purposes (she has taken advice).

She has relatives abroad that have suggested a good property investment. She likes the idea of this property because we can also use it as a holiday base near her family. Her gift would not buy the property outright, but would fund the deposit with the rest needing a mortgage. Neither she or I work, so my DH would need to apply for the mortgage and for the mortgage to be in our joint names.

My mother is keen to avoid my DH having any claim on the property for a number of reasons, mainly she doesn't like him very much (lots of reasons) and she is worried that we may divorce because we row a lot. FWIW, this is unlikely in the foreseeable future.

My mother has taken legal advice and has come up with an "off-shore trust" method of ownership whereby she and I are the Trustees/owners but my DH is still liable under the mortgage. She doesn't want to tell him that he won't be a Trustee, and he thinks it will be a gift towards our future pension. My mother has said that she will act as an unofficial guarantor of the mortgage so that we won't lose any money or go into debt. Therefore it should be risk free for my DH but obviously he is excluded from any benefit as well.

Is my mother entitled to do as she likes with her money or is this using my DH and opening up a can of worms for the future?

Honest feedback please.

giving - you need to step back a bit from this. You are planning with your mother to con your husband. The fact you are even contemplating this speaks volumes about your marriage. It can only end in devastation for your whole family if you do it.
I would look to see how else you could have the money if you intend to use it as a way of being secure in the future as a single person.
Personally I would also get a job if I were you too.

"But he's not a fool, so I think it could create a lot of problems."

Slight understatement imho why do you want to do this if not to create just such a situation ?

I can understand why you mother would want to protect your future rather than your DH's. I am sorry to say this, and I might be completely wrong, but it sounds like you are not very happy together?

However, I think it is absolutely unacceptable to get him involved in the mortgage. And I think that once you got married your closest family is your DH not your mum.

The basis of a good relationship is trust and honesty. If you and your mum did this to DH, his trust in you would be shattered as well as your relationship.

My mother inherited a house from my grandmother. It is in her name, it does not belong to my father. My parents have a strong relationship. If they needed the money they would probably discuss it together, sell it, etc, it is not an issue. I don't see any problems with my mother having something of her own, but certainly he had nothing to do with the acquisition of the property in the first place.

Quint

My mother is putting down all of the deposit.

The tenant will hopefully cover all the mortgage and running costs.

If there is a void or a shortfall, then my mother has said she will meet all the costs.

What if your DH does read the small print though? Do you think your marriage will survive? Is he likely to enter an agreement like this and not suspect you and your mother of trying to rip him off?

This is like something off Dallas

Is it a buy to let mortgage? Interest only or down payment? Do you know the interest, the term and the monthly mortgage payment?
Do you know the estimated rent? Will there be an agency managing the let? Who covers all the expenses as cleaning the property between lets?

As my earlier post, I think you have to tell him. You cant tie him up for the next twenty years of his life without him being fully aware. Unless of course you WANT to con him and see him as an easy way for yourself and your mum to ride off into sunset with HIM footing the bill of your easy life. Because, who knows, maybe you will pocket the rent yourselves?

Actually, this is so beyond anything I have ever heard of in terms of low and despicable behaviour I am going to PARP myself now.

To avoid arguments I would ask her to leave the money to the grandkids.

It sounds like an ideal investment for your future especially if things with DH might change, but you can not involve DH in this way. It has to be a joint thing or a completly seperate project for you to work out with your M. You will have to figure out a way to do it on your own backs if you want a pension/ safety net soley for you.

giving - it's not really a gift, though is it?

Your mother's entitled to do what she likes with her money, but not to involve other people in underhand dealings.
Imo she's being pretty mean-spirited to your dh and I think you should say no.

Am at this. You cannot be serious? Regardless of the state of your marriage or your mother's feelings towards DH, sign him up to a mortgage under false pretences? Isn't that fraud?
And turn it around.... if he did this to you, wouldn't you be outraged?
Either way, it seems to me that your marriage is stuffed, children or not. Sorry.

you mother and you are effectively prepared to con him into getting a mortgage on this property... what underhanded and selfish behaviour. she does not like your DH but will overlook that to use him to fund an investment? and you are considering going along with that.. how grotesque.

is she cannot afford to buy the property , then perhaps she ought to set her sights a little lower,rather than encouraging you to help her defraud your DH

I hope against hope that this is a wind-up thread, but have a horrible feeling that it isn't. I can't believe that anyone would even consider treating their DH like this, even if you're going through hard times in your marriage.

I can understand wanting to protect "family money" but deceiving a man you have at some time loved enough to marry, and the father of your DC - it's disgusting. I hope for your childrens' sake, they have someone else to teach them moral right from wrongs

I think the fact you are even considering going through with this deceit shows that your relationship with DH is probably irretrievably broken. If you have any decency you will split with him, then you and your mother can do with her money what you will.

'Staying together for the sake of the children' is bolleaux btw (and I am the child of divorced parents).

I think she is entitled to do what she likes with her money & if she doesn't like your DH & doesn't want him to take money from the investment, then that's her choice as well.

However, I can't work out who is supposed to be paying the mortgage ?

If it's your DH (as he's the only one that earns) then it would make sense if the property is divided. ie your all own an agreed %.

Speak to your DH & your mother again - I'm sure you'll be able to work it out.

You are all mad if you even think this is possible.

Firstly, tricking your dh is morally wrong. regardless of the state of your marriage.

But secondly, if you are going to go ahead with this arrangement, then there will be legal documents drawn up to this effect, and as such, your dh's solicitor (and he will have a solicitor wrt taking out a mortgage) will make him aware of this fact at the point of signing the documents.

If there is a way of conning him into paying out for a property he will have no claim on, then i would imagine that counts as fraud tbh. Or extortion. Crimes which both carry a prison sentence.

So go ahead by all means, if you plan to spend a part of your life in jail.

How would the mortgage company allow your DH to take out a mortgage on something somone else owns? How would they recover their money if he defaulted on the loan?

Anyway - the fact that you are considering allowing your DH to pay for something he then has no ownership of, without his agreement, is pretty shabby. I find it hard to believe you are seriously contemplating it.

IF there was no mortgage involved - your mother was giving you a house - then fair enough, it could be in your sole name if that's the way she wants it. But I don't think it is possible for a mortgage to be taken out in dh's name without him/the lender having a claim over the property. So it's not going to work anyway. Apart from the very dubious nature of lying to your husband in the first place. Which won't work either because the solicitor handling the mortgage will point this out to him.

In short, your mother clearly hates your dh and wants to diddle him. It won't work. And it's immoral to try to trick him like this.

this is shocking behaviour

There is presumably a way in which the proportion of the purchase paid for by your mother is safeguarded to you, and the remainder is split between you and your DH. This is the only fair way to do this.

How would you feel if he came up with a scheme like this with his mother?

I think you should let her. Just because you are married doesn't mean your mum has to include your husband in any inheritance or gift. If, when she dies, and you get the benefit of the investment - then you can decide if you want your husband to be a beneficiary. At the moment it's her money and her gift and she's perfectly entitled to share it the way she wants to. Get her to explain why to your husband perhaps.

His money too surely? What the mortgage in his name which he is paying and all...

Can I actually have understood this right?