Should I accept a gift from my mother if she wants to exclude my DH from it?

[giving]

My mother has come into a largish inheritance and wants to pass some of it down to me for IHT purposes (she has taken advice).

She has relatives abroad that have suggested a good property investment. She likes the idea of this property because we can also use it as a holiday base near her family. Her gift would not buy the property outright, but would fund the deposit with the rest needing a mortgage. Neither she or I work, so my DH would need to apply for the mortgage and for the mortgage to be in our joint names.

My mother is keen to avoid my DH having any claim on the property for a number of reasons, mainly she doesn't like him very much (lots of reasons) and she is worried that we may divorce because we row a lot. FWIW, this is unlikely in the foreseeable future.

My mother has taken legal advice and has come up with an "off-shore trust" method of ownership whereby she and I are the Trustees/owners but my DH is still liable under the mortgage. She doesn't want to tell him that he won't be a Trustee, and he thinks it will be a gift towards our future pension. My mother has said that she will act as an unofficial guarantor of the mortgage so that we won't lose any money or go into debt. Therefore it should be risk free for my DH but obviously he is excluded from any benefit as well.

Is my mother entitled to do as she likes with her money or is this using my DH and opening up a can of worms for the future?

Honest feedback please.

I think your mother has a bloody cheek tbh.

She wants your husband to pay for a property he will have no claim on! Outrageous and surely it wouldn't stand up in a court of law.

Just re-read it, is your mum actually going to apply for the mortgage behind his back but with your help ?

On page one you say twice your marriage isn't in a good way - or words to that affect - so how about sorting that out first before you start deceiving your husband.

Ok i have now read the whole tread again and from what you have now added i can't think of a more selfish selfcentred person.

Be a grown up leave the marriage that your not happy with. Get a job so you can fund your own mortgage with your mother and not stitch your husband and children up for the next 25 years.

ok, I've taken all the advice on board. Thank you.

I will explain to my mother that, even if all the actual money for the investment comes from her, that it couldn't get started in the first place without the mortgage to which my DH is essential and that if he is liable under the mortgage it is only fair that he has some ownership rights as well.

I think she has a bit of an "over my dead body" will any of my money go to him attitude but clearly this is not compatible with a marriage or good extended family relations.

Ask her to put 'your share' aside, just in case you and your husband do split up. You'll really need it then. If you don't split up, can she leave it to you both in her will?

Indeed, Dittany. She simply can't afford to buy a holiday home with her new found wealth. She needs to pick something more modest.

I think she thought she had found a way of killing a few birds with one stone, kick starting a solid investment, possible holiday home use and a way of ring fencing the money for me especially as it could involve considerable sums over the years if there are problems with the tenant.

But it's treating my DH as irrelevant and using him, as people have said, and I agree that not much hope of marriage recovering with this sort of thing lurking in the background.

edam has I think said below that there is a way of protecting the inheritance money if you were to buy the house with that as a deposit and a mortgage in both your names. But you would need to be honest with your D(?)H about it.

Would he object to that situation do you think? Would your mother?

Good idea about the pension Dittany.

My head has just exploded trying to skim this thread.

There is no way I could do this to my DH, and no way that my (dead) mother would have contemplated anything like this.

WHy dont you get a job?

This whole thread is doing my head in.

I've got some questions:

1. What has your DH done in the past?
2. Why are you contemplating fraud?
3. If you are short of money, and it sounds like you are, why not use the next couple of years to develop some marketable skills and get a job?

I'm not sure whether I should post any more because it seems to be stoking things up a bit.

I can see why this situation would do people's heads in. It's very complicated and not very nice.

My DH hasn't done anything terrible. My mother is just very much on my side and I have probably confided too much in her about our marital problems.

I will tell her to rethink the investment.

giving - why dont you get a job? It would give you a pension, financial independance and you could get the mortgage in your name?

giving my DH would be fine with this.

As he said, your mother is entitled to do what she likes with her money.

Just be honest with your DH - he is going to benefit from it if you can use it as a holiday home. And, provding you stay together, there will be financial benefits for everyone in the long run.

Don't be railroaded by this lot

Yes, sorry to have given you such a hard time. This thread is fascinating because of all the (unanswered) questions. anyhow, glad you are going to talk to your mum about this again.

Thanks again x

YourMother van do what she likes with the money. But it is unfair to lie to your DH and ask him to pay the mortgage.
If that is the only way she will give you some of her inheritance then I would decline it.