Fussy eating 5 year old....at my wits end.

[TakeALookAtTheseSwatches]

My 5yo is extremely fussy, the things she will eat are:
Chicken nuggets
Garlic bread
Sweetcorn
Broccoli
Strawberries
Oranges
Nutella sandwiches
Plain crackers
Pom bear crisps
Biscuits
Chocolate
Ice cream
Sweets.

That's it. Obviously there is no meal there whatsoever, she will eat chicken nuggets and sweetcorn/broccoli most nights. I've tried getting her to help me make stuff so she can be involved, she still will not even touch it let alone eat it. I have tried just giving her meals and making no comment but she will just kick off massively.

Tonight we had lasagne and I put about an inch long piece on her plate along with chips and garlic bread. She ate the middle out of the garlic bread and will not touch the rest. She has spent the last hour screaming because she's hungry and wants ice cream.

I just don't know what to do, surely I can't just give her chicken nuggets every single night?? But equally it's not like she'll eat if she's hungry, she just won't. Any advice welcome.

Possibly ARFID, DD had it
We just let her eat what she felt safe with and served most food communally and she could chose what to put on her plate BUT the rule was if she did put it on her plate she had to try it.
We also chilled out at mealtimes and not making food a big thing
Gradually she felt comfortable eating more things (but always in quite specific ways such as food not touching for example) and now has a good diet. Meat was aalways difficult for her and now she is a vegetarian
The more you force it the less likely she is to eat and ignore anyone who claims a child will not starve themselves, mine did

You could contact the school nurse, health visitor or GP to discuss and look to get a referral to the dietician for help and support. My DS was a bit like this he is 21 now and still doesn’t eat everything but is better. I think whilst you are waiting for assessment I would feed your DC what they will eat so:

nuggets, garlic bread and sweetcorn for tea every night (perhaps with a small portion of a new thing) with fruit for pudding (and ice cream a couple of times a week).

Breakfast toast and nutella with strawberries and lunch fruit, pom bears, dry crackers etc.

I would be looking at the 5 a day fruit and veg plus the foods she will eat with the calories in them - and doing what you need too, to get through this whilst you are waiting to see someone.

There is no point making meals hard for everyone and putting things in front of her that distress her, at the moment until you know what you are dealing with.

Its so hard for you both xx

Waitrose has some nice chicken and cauliflower stars - frozen chicken nuggets things. Fussy DS2 is a big fan.

In his case its a sensory thing...he is not good with strong flavours (finding a tooth paste he'd accept took ages).

He is getting better as he gets older though. When he was younger he wouldn't even try things, now he will at least have a tiny bite of everything to try it.

I have one like this but he’s also autistic. I’d say we’ve had more success in the last year (aged 10) to get him to branch out. Two things we did which helped a bit were:

1. if he decides he’s gone off something, he needs to add another food to the list, possibly something he used to eat but went off a while ago. He will do things like suddenly announce he doesn’t like apples any more after years of eating them.

2. Branching out sideways. So he still won’t eat food in sauce but he would eat chicken goujons and nuggets; he now also eats breaded chicken fillets. In our world, this is a victory! He likes chips - he will now tolerate most forms of roasted potato/wedges.

He was also always at the lower end of the weight spectrum so I hear you in terms of concerns. We decided to focus on not making food a battleground and offering what we knew he would eat. Ultimately, this has worked and he’s far less anxious around food but has some clear sensory issues with it. But we’re in a much better place than we were at 6.

My DS has very strong texture issues and had a very similar diet.
So if she eats chicken nuggets could you persuade her to eat chicken without the bread coating but still crispy? So I did chicken thighs but cooked the bejeezus out of them so they were quite crisp.
The other thing I managed to transition him to was fishfinger and other breaded goods.
Obviously dont do all this on one week! But gradually I introduced bits which were very adjacent to things he would eat and we expanded slowly over time.
He's now 6ft !!

My son's awful, too, and, yes, it's really annoying. However, your daughter DOES seem to be eating something from every food group...and she"ll get better as she moves through school. Honest. Take care xx

My son is autistic + ARFID.
He isn't fussy, he would starve to death if not offered what he will eat which is
Quavers
Pom bears
Dairylea sandwiches
Toast
Yoghurts (fromage frais only)
Pizza (come in a pack of 4 frozen and only cheese & tomato)

That's it. He is repulsed and recoils at anything else. He gets really, really upset if you offer him anything he doesn't want. The nutritionist was shocked when we said he doesn't even like chicken nuggets.
This may not be "fussy" it maybe sensory etc which is alot more difficult to work with than fussy xxx

Look for 'division of responsibility' theory it really works
One safe food, with one new food and one maybe food is out standard for meals. Gradually our kiddies palette is expanding.

Look up Ellyn Satter’s books about “division of responsibility”.

Best advice is try not to let her see that you are stressed by it.

Completely agree^^. Better still, you truly should not be stressed by it.

Starting tomorrow, I would serve her chicken nuggets and sweet corn on a plate every single night. I would not offer her anything the rest of the family is eating but would make sure family meals are particularly delicious for a week or two. Whatever everyone else has, she is to be given chicken nuggets and sweet corn on a plate.

No chocolate, ice cream, Nutella or sweets, as those are only for children who eat a balance diet, which she does not.

In four days she will be asking to try something that the others are having. Three days probably.

And read her the book Bread and Jam for Frances.

And this is great! I would say pay attention to what she finds easier and hone in on that. You might be surprised that she might like a leaf of raw spinach more than a carrot stick or peas (could be to do with texture or shape!) or even some sweetcorn or corn on the cob as a gateway vegetable.

I was labelled a fussy eater as a kid but looking back I actually probably would have eaten a lot of stuff if presented it in different ways. I think just consistency of putting things down to try is very important, if the child has a strong adverse reaction to it then fair enough but if they can stand it sitting on their plate then eventually they will eat it (be it month or more of exposure).

Sounds like you are very caring and loving, not giving up is so important!

That food list isn’t too bad if you limit the crisps, biscuits, chocolate and sweets. Chicken nuggets and garlic bread with the vegetables and fruit is seems ok as a meal. I would just give her the same foods most days and not have ice cream available.

The texture thing, plus the fact that she has 2 ND sisters, honestly I would investigate this aspect further. It does tend to run in families, even if it presents differently between siblings. You might miss things because she is acting differently to your other daughter with ASD.

Op will she do pizza?
My fuss pot started with the really cheap supermarket ones, you know the 49p basics, that have a sprinkling of cheese. Then I started adding a bit more cheese.

Eventually he started eating nicer pizza, but still only cheese or pepperoni.
He not the only kid I know like that

I had a very similar child at 5 years old. One thing I’d say is don’t push it (not that you are). Take away options like ice cream and sweets - special occasions only.

What worked for me was not punishing or shaming for not eating.

ignoring the meltdowns to an extent, there was always fruit on offer if hungry.

Each meal became more ‘bits’ chicken nuggets with some pasta on the side, chicken nuggets with rice. It won’t get eaten but it will be seen so persevere.

involve in cooking “help make mummy’s tea”, “let’s check if it’s ready”. Don’t expect a change but it plants a seed.

Are you doing home made chicken nuggets or shop bought - no judgement either way from me, just thinking that’s something you could also make together.

I had a 5 yo who didn’t want to try anything and didn’t eat pasta, any sauce etc etc. she now loves a spag Bol and even eats rice! shes a very visual eater.

good luck x

Please dont listen yo people who question your weaning etc.
Many babies do this around tge age iof 2 and is believed to be a evolution throwback. Babies are kept safe by their mother providing food, when they begin to toddle and get around by themselves they are at risk of picking stuff up and eating it. Back in the day that could be poisonous berries etc.its believed their taste buds change and food ie plants/veg/berries taste bitter to protect them from harm. They do not taste the same gir adults/children.

We were told not to worry about ours, fed is best, and he has started to expand his food however will not touch anything in a sauce or gravy, much prefers drier food.

We would make our own nuggets and chop tgem up in a wrap eith the nuggets he liked, dry pasta with cheese was also something he accepted.
We tried everything including help prepare which he lived but he would NEVER eat what he made. At about 6 he would help make his own pizza, on a muffin, sauce and cheese only but he would eat it.

Good luck. Its not your fault and ignore anyone who tries to shame you x x

I wouldn't be giving her PomBears, sweets or ice cream if she doesn't eat properly. Have you tried making chicken nuggets out of chicken rather than processed crap ones? I'd keep giving the broccoli and sweetcorn and try a few petit pois mixed with sweetcorn. Just keep adding 1 spoon of normal food each evening. Make no comment if she doesn't even try it but don't be giving her PomBears, ice cream or sweets if she's hungry eventually she will eat it. I looked after my nephew when my sister was in hospital years ago. She said he will only eat about 7 or 8 items. It was nonsense. Within 2 weeks of no crisps, chocolate or ice cream he was eating frozen yoghurt instead of ice cream, grapes and grated cheese he had not eaten before. He eats perfectly normally now as an adult.

I questioned her weaning because it would have been a different story had OP said "oh no I've actually never tried her with carrots" , wouldn't it?

Also, DD found raw veg easier to deal with than cooked.
I remember actually saying to her "if you eat a bit of the chicken nugget you can have some more raw broccoli" at one point
She wouldn't touch chips, pizza or anything that people assume goes along with a "fussy eater"

I th8nk the fact she's crying for.icecream not more garlic bread is quite telling why she's doing it. She doesn't want more dinner, she wants sweets.

Serve options that she eats alongside rwhat everyone is eating. Put some of what she eats on everyone else's plate too so she's not being treated "special" or do fsmily style where it's all out on the table.to take what you want. Don't comment on it. But there's no icecream or treat food to fall back on. You hungry? There's still dinner left. Or have an evening snack platter with strawberries, cucumber, crackers, cheese. For everyone. Once the strawberries are gone they're gone. There's plenty of food available.

I think kids go through a phase where they only want what they want and won't accept anything that isn't what they want. Wont go to the shop, they want to go to the park, wont eat Lasagna, want icecream. There's a time in our life when we learn that we don't get to have what we want most all the time. That's an important lesson. Otherwise you get an adult that doesn't want to work, doesn't want to eat healthily, doesn't want to look after their kids so their partner can go out.

My 3.5 year old ate everything when weaning and from about 14 months just stopped. He has such a restrictive diet now and he would rather starve than try something new. He won't even eat cereal or any hot food anymore. Doesn't help that he's non verbal and can't tell me why. He's got other sensory issues and is on the pathway for assessment now. OP, has your daughter got any other sensory issues at all? The way I see it with mine is that if he'll only eat a biscuit then he can have it. Any calories I can get in I'm thankful for. Would your GP refer to a paediatric dietician? Though if she's healthy weight and doesn't look malnourished they're pretty crap about seeing them 🙄

Non judgemental yeah right

Honestly, it’s the not the end of the world. There’s fruit and veg in that list, I have a 10 year old that has quite literally never eaten a piece of fresh fruit.

I was really fussy as child, I’m a lot better now but would say I still fall into the fussy category. A lot of the time it’s about texture, I don’t eat salads for example…the texture of lettuce, raw onions, raw carrots, any other leaves etc makes me retch. I prefer my veg well cooked, I love carrots but not if they’re crunchy.

Looking back, what made it worse was my parents trying to force me to eat things, as I got older and “discovered” food I became more open to trying things. Now if one of mine won’t eat their tea I don’t force them to but I also don’t replace it either, we all eat the same meals.

Have you tried doing a spread style dinner, where you put everything in the middle of the table for everyone to help themselves? This exposes her to different foods but allows her to choose what she wants to eat. How much or little she eats is up to her - and always include at least one or two familiar items for her.

It does sound extreme though.

What do you usually do when she won't eat what you've given her? Do you not offer anything else until the next meal, or are you then giving her the nuggets etc?

If the latter, it has helped me slightly to keep a strict meal time routine, so they know exactly when they will eat and when the next meal is after that. When I tell my kids they will not be getting anything else if they don't eat until the next meal, they still don't eat it but are then usually hungry enough by the next meal to eat more.

Granted this may not work and she may just stay hungry - but have you tried an approach and persisted with it for several weeks before giving up?

I have heard of a condition called ARFID where issues with eating an adequate range of things can be very extreme and hard to manage. Has this been considered? I would speak to your GP.

Balance and calories are more important than variety. If she likes ice cream then maybe try making your own so there is less junk in it. My extreme fussy eater doesn't like ice cream (too cold) but has recently progressed to eating sandwiches rather than bread and filling separately.

If her growth is a concern then seek advice from the doctor or practice nurse.