Fussy eating 5 year old....at my wits end.

[TakeALookAtTheseSwatches]

My 5yo is extremely fussy, the things she will eat are:
Chicken nuggets
Garlic bread
Sweetcorn
Broccoli
Strawberries
Oranges
Nutella sandwiches
Plain crackers
Pom bear crisps
Biscuits
Chocolate
Ice cream
Sweets.

That's it. Obviously there is no meal there whatsoever, she will eat chicken nuggets and sweetcorn/broccoli most nights. I've tried getting her to help me make stuff so she can be involved, she still will not even touch it let alone eat it. I have tried just giving her meals and making no comment but she will just kick off massively.

Tonight we had lasagne and I put about an inch long piece on her plate along with chips and garlic bread. She ate the middle out of the garlic bread and will not touch the rest. She has spent the last hour screaming because she's hungry and wants ice cream.

I just don't know what to do, surely I can't just give her chicken nuggets every single night?? But equally it's not like she'll eat if she's hungry, she just won't. Any advice welcome.

Had the exact same thing with chocolate mousse! She also won't eat caramel but will eat something like a KitKat.

I hadn't even thought about the school nurse, do you just contact the school and ask them to refer?

My dd was the same but luckily kept a much longer list of food mostly healthy. She was EBF and weaned perfectly normally onto home made purées (she adored spinach and squash both of which she later rejected and are still foods she won’t eat 15 years later!)

I don’t believe i was weak, I didn’t spoil her, we ate a lot of home-cooked food . She just became fastidious; no food could have any “brown bits” (from cooking) or “green bits” (herbs).

It took years of patience before she widened her diet.

I would definitely make my own chicken nuggets - maybe try making breadcrumb pork or turkey escalopes too. She could take these cold in a lunchbox . I would also subtly vary the recipe by adding different seasoning to the breadcrumbs each time so she gets used to the idea food isn’t the same shape, flavour and texture every single time.

Try the same with veg - give her mini corn, and corn on the cob, to stretch her understand of “sweetcorn”.

Keep offering new foods every day. Don’t nag or force her.

Allow yourself to “run out” of ice cream. If it’s not there you can’t offer it. Instead try a milkshake or smoothie!

We found dd loved homemade pancakes with a smear of Nutella, hot and cold - again, she could try them with sugar and lemon or golden syrup for a change.

Most children need to try something many, many times before they decide they hate it. Explain this to your dc. It takes time to get used to new flavours and textures and that is normal.

Op can you upgrade what she will eat eg best chicken and make chicken nuggets etc.
Make sure it's the best.milk.

Advice on here was to give tapas style meals lots of little dishes , where possible make picture out of food present it really differently hard work I know...
Don't force just enjoy it yourself lots of positive yum etc but don't ask her to try.

She will have all this amazing food laid out in little portions.

Sorry I forgot to add upgrade the Nutella to the bon mammon one without palm oil ...add it to homemade pancakes in small pieces

Maybe add some protein mix to the pankcakes.
As other posters said get stealthy and sneaky and slowly gently expand...she likes Nutella spread it on small piece of homemade pancakes maybe even try honey on homemade and stuff like that.

However she likes broccoli! Whjch is amazing

Hi is there any possibility of being neurodivergent ? The only reason I ask as both my boys were like this and both are ASD

We were very similar, different health issue (and 6 allegies) but I remember my mind bring blown when they said dc1 needed more chips, nuggets and my homemade (allergy free) pizza.

He went down to a scarily small number of foods, but is 10 now and actually a great eater. He is allergy free and constantly expanding his tolerance.

He eats all meats, as long as the texture is just right, most carbs (even barley, quinoa, various grains) only sweetcorn as a side, but I make all my sauces etc from scratch and blend.

I still do a lot of hidden veg 😮‍💨 but we are going the right direction. He will eat curry, all kinds of ramen, lots of pasta dishes. I just cook veg on the side and life is a million times better than when I had to bake every bit of bread and he needed a different meal every night!

@TakeALookAtTheseSwatches I spoke to the dr as I was querying ND traits in my daughter. Unfortunately as school we’re not seeing what I do they won’t refer her! I raised the eating issue and she did a referral to the school nurse in the area. Took a few weeks for the appointment, went through a whole questionnaire (she explained this is process as loads wasn’t relevant) and asked for an put to date height and weight and if she was losing weight. She sent over some resources for us to read through, though she said I was obviously read up on the subject and had been trying the things she was suggesting and in my situation it ended there.

My son (who is now an adult) was quite a picky eater and my ex was a clear your plate man. This led to a serious eating disorder which he has under control at the moment so I’ve really tried to avoid stressing about it.

my girl has never been a great eater or lover of textures, she won’t eat sweets so I can’t even get a chewy gummy vitamin into her and only drinks water or just recently a weak hot chocolate so not easy to sneak liquid vitamins in.

Right stop.

Look at that list. Between it all, it's actually reasonably balanced.

The best advice I got with DS is to stop stressing and just feed.

So yes to nuggets every night if need be. Make sure she is offered something else but there's no pressure.

Your job at this point is just to feed her. Just made sure she's fed.

Do occasional food 'for sharing' so she sees this and is always offered some.

But relax and take the stress out of meal times.

It does get better. And it could be worse.

If it’s ARFID, then it’s really common for the child to go from eating really adventurously - trying and liking new things, eating a really wide range - to a few predictable, consistent “safe foods”. It’s soul-destroying for parents and most really do try everything to resolve it before they just feed the safe foods so the child doesn’t become seriously ill. The causes aren’t well understood, but it’s definitely not poor weaning practices or lazy parenting. It needs intervention from a doctor and a dietitian, not judgement.

Op apologies for the multiple messages. Mine did an after school club for a while where they gave them dinner and id be amazed at what she would gobble up !

It is 100% a texture issue with my child. Even things he likes can be cooked wrong and "wrong". It was very difficult when he was wee and couldn't verbalise, but so much easier now he can explain. Though it doesn't always make sense to me, I get what he means.

Sometimes food is fluffy, or wooly, mooshy or jaggy. I get it now and try to do it do he can eat it.

What @RedToothBrush says. How much stress are you putting into meal times.

She will eat but not what you want her too. I get it, my daughter is specific with what she eats.

All children are different. Some will eat everything at your daughters age and then nothing.

For now try researching ARFID and relaxing a little more. Make sure she gets enough food and try not to worry for a few weeks, see if being calmer helps.

Hi, I have been through very similar with my daughter. PPs have given good advice already but I thought I'd add what helped for us:

• Don't serve anything in a sauce or mixed together (unless it's e.g. a hidden veg sauce and it's completely blended smooth). It has to be clearly visible (to her) as one thing, if that makes sense.
• Even cutting pieces of things, make sure they are the same size/shape. I have metal cutters so I can make e.g. star shapes, hearts etc. They are fun/cute of course but also have the advantage that they're exactly the same size and shape.
• Plates that have separate sections so things are not touching.
• Her own "no thank you" bowl (just an empty bowl next to her plate), so if she tries something and doesn't like it, it doesn't need to stay on her plate.
• Just get her touching food without any pressure/expectation to eat it. E.g. please will you just chop up those cucumbers for me DD. Please will you mix this granola together for me/put the cheese on the pizza/peel this orange for me. She will get used to the look, feel, smell etc with no pressure. If she sneaks a taste, even better.
• Sometimes, very occasionally, reverse psychology worked! Don't eat that, it's Mummy's. Oops where's it gone from my plate? 😆 Obviously don't attempt this with anything very outlandish and only attempt if she's in a good mood to start with!

I’ve heard the Ella Ola multivitamin that is tasteless and disolves in water is meant to be really good, a bit pricey though.

I was like this as a child, I have 2 fussy children. 1 who has they got older and with some tough love and long term patience has improved and ever so slowly increasing their food palate. Another with SEN who is reducing their safe list by the day despite professional support/advice.

The professional advice we received was to give notice of what was for dinner, include child in preparations if they want to engage, positive talk about how food is grown etc. and then when dinner is ready, you give her something she will eat (like chicken nuggets) and then on a completely separate plate you add a slice of lasagna. She doesn't have to touch it, eat it, look at it. It's about learning to tolerate unsafe foods near her, and gradually build from there.
Of course only involve her in what she's willing to engage with, do not make food a battle.
I didn't improve til I was an adult and could manage my own food to be honest.

The only hard rule I have is if they have food they do like on your plate and choose not to eat, then I won't give snacks/treats afterwards.

I will also say my children were weaned differently.

Your meals will have become a battle ground so even if she wants to try something new you might find that each meal time her anxiety and reaction is gearing up before you have even got to the table.

I had a fussy 3-5 year old stage and I've been there with knowing how stressful it is. We found eating as a family helped, putting things into bowls so he could serve himself and choose elements. Always having a safe food available as part of the meal.
Slowly but surely he started exploring more. We avoiding discussing or trying to encourage/pressure around food. Now he's a different child ok he's not eating avocados or munching on a salad but he will try things and has expanded.

It's slow and steady where you can.
We boosted calories where we could (butter and oil is your friend here)

DS is the same. He ate a much bigger variety when he was small. He’s 5 now, and it’s pretty much the same beige list…

He likes strawberries, broccoli. Sometimes mango, carrots.
Absolutely won’t go near anything else. I’m worried it, TBH.

He needs more fibre. He’d just eat pasta & cereal if allowed.
Demands for sweet things are a daily thing too. It’s not great.

At 18month DS would eat custard, milk and occasionally Ella's kitchen fruit pouches. That's it.

It didn't get much better.

We had a LOT of pasta, tomato sauce and chicken for a long time. I think age five or six was the pits and we were despairing.

It is soul destroying and stressful. It's also not your fault.

We joke now at 11 that he was the child who wouldn't eat as he tucks into a curry or fish which his friends wouldn't dream of touching.

For him we found he has a odd hidden allergy which we think put him off certain foods. We also found he ate with his eyes. If something looked interesting he'd try. It's all about having food available that he could try. So if eating something yourself you make it clear that anything on your plate is open to being tried if she likes the look or smell of it. Get her to smell things but not to eat just to get her used to something.

It was the pressure to eat something that really got to him and he was funny about texture but this improved with age.

@Kayjay2018 ovaltine light instant hot chocolate has added vitamins, I use to give this to my fussy eater when he was young. He's an adult now and will try anything. Don't stress just give her what she will have. My step dad was a 'starving kids in Africa would be glad of that' which gave me eating issues.

At each meal give her whatever the rest of the family is eating but make sure there is also one food off the safe list for her to eat. Don't comment on what she does/doesn't eat.
You could try gradually exposing her to new things, but only change one thing at a time. For example give her chicken goujons rather than chicken nuggets, try a peanut butter sandwich rather than Nutella or Nutella on toast rather than a sandwich, try a different type of fruit etc.
I would really cut back in the sweets/ice cream.
Try making your own healthy version of what she eats or buy healthier versions for example you can get chocolate spread that is much lower in sugar or make garlic bread with ciabatta, olive oil and garlic.

Let her play with food and do sensory activities with it, let her cook and bake without expectation that she eats it.

5 is still peak fusiness and it's very common. Try not to stress about meal times, make sure you all eat together and chat over meals where possible. Have food on the table to help yourself to

Don't bribe or pressure.

If she hasn't eaten much have a safe but healthy option to offer before bed if she's hungry.

Get a good multivitamin.

I would serve up a combination of the fruits and vegetables she likes along with a protein (if that’s chicken nuggets, so be it) and a more refined carb from the list, then pudding if you normally offer pudding. At each meal. Keep drama to a minimum- just put it out and let her eat the things she’ll eat. I think making it a thing makes it all harder for them.

Mine used to have a very short list of acceptable food at times, and it’s gradually got longer. For her, texture is a real issue- she still won’t eat casserole or curry, for example, and even things she likes separately (eg pasta with tomato sauce, and broccoli) have to be kept separate or she won’t eat them.

100% eat together despite the temptation to do two different meal times.

Seeing you eat other things is important.

Also this is not something you have caused. It's a normal developmental stage to become a fussy eater in toddler/pre-school years. It's an evolutionary mechanism to keep newly mobile and independent kids from eating poisonous stuff by restricting them to familiar and easy to identify food.

Idk I see meat, two veg, two fruits and lots of other snacks.

It isn't that bad.

I've come across children who eat far less. She's very little.Maybe she'll just improve her palate as she ages.