What happens when everyone needs ‘support’ and no one is left to give it?

[HereBeFuckery]

Fair warning: I may well be BU.

The last five threads I have opened have contained variations on the phrase ‘I need support to/with/for’ or ‘there isn’t enough support for parents/families etc’

I genuinely feel that there is an epidemic of ‘needing support’. If everyone needs support, who is going to be left to actually give that support? It can’t be endless! If every child needs personalised support in school, and every adult needs support in the workplace, we are, surely, just marking time until everything implodes. Can no one just cope any more?

The amount of support people need, or can give, tends to fluctuate with time. There's very few people who consistently need a lot of support and that tends to be those with conditions where things won't change significantly, eg someone with a significant learning disability whose needs will change but may need support through their lifetime, but that's why services exist for those who need and deserve them.

Given we're in a cost of living crisis and dealing with the hangover of austerity, it's not really surprising that more people are struggling to cope. It isn't the sign of individual weakness or moral failing that you seem to be implying with your last sentence.

A bit of a simplistic view as it’s not necessarily one or the other necessarily is it?

I have a friendship group which gives me support while me and my dh support one couple and two other individuals.

Communities used to be comprised of people who knew each other and would support each other as life happened, now people are less connected.

Everyone needs support. No man is an island and all that!

You're being unreasonable, and don't seem to understand human history, human society or human nature.

You can both give support and need support, though? It’s not a binary.

You can support your child with something while also getting support from a friend with something else, and so on

I know what you mean

I have known people really struggling at work because of the amount of support they're expected to provide. Organisations will often say that they can support employees but what they really mean is, they will go around asking other employees to do that support.

In some cases, they have got the money to get extra resources in. But they won't. Also, some of the support I've heard being asked for indicates that the person actually isn't suitable for the job, but workplace is so busy rushing to show off their supportive credentials, they hire those people anyway. Or maybe they can't find anyone else.

It is one of many factors in that general sense that everything is imploding.

Not everyone does need support and people rarely need support in all areas. It would be nice if as a society we could all support each other using our strengths. With education, some tweaks to the curriculum and environment alongside funding for some more TA's would make it easier to meet children's individual needs. Not many children need dedicated 1:1s so it's not like there'd be a TA for each child but maybe one child needs help during PE, a few need a quiet room for lunch, two need additional support with maths. A TA could meet the individual needs of several children in one day.

From each according to their means to each according to their needs I suppose. Robert needs support because he has anxiety and can't cope with delivering presentations. Emma does the presentations. Emma needs to take a longer lunch to decompress. Robert does extra admin to cover her.

It depends on the scale, doesn't it?

I think in this country at the moment, it is shameful how little institutional support there is for vulnerable people; I am angry about that. And I don't think accessing adequate instituitional support for (eg.) a child with disabilities or an elderly adult ought ever to be dependent on how much support you or they have 'put in'.

On a smaller level I think lots of people need or want support from their local community and some do struggle to get it, but there can also be really good support. Eg., near me, I have a lovely friend whose husband now has dementia. She spent years racing around being one of those traditional 'pillar of the community' types, raised dozens of foster children, looked after others (she was wonderfully kind when my DD was tiny). Now she gets the support she deserves. That's not 'everyone needing support,' that's give and take.

And then on a tiny level, you hope your friends and family are able to do a bit of turn and turn about.

Hopefully we can all take turns etc. I am lucky enough to have a lot of support and in turn give it too. However,

I do hear from friends who are teachers that the % of children in some cohorts who require additional support/planning/tracking/meetings/input can be huge compared to what it was and resources have been cut rather than increased to keep pace. Some teachers in some classes in some schools in some areas are absolutely drowning in unmet need and no one is swooping in with the funding, resources, time and onward referral services they need. Most mainstream settings are set up based on the majority being 'fine' and they don't work well for anyone when the ratios shift so much.

Also, our local TT food bank says that their donations and stock are way down on previous years but their numbers visiting and needing help are way up.

Times are tough and balances are shifting as people reserve their capacity and resources for themselves.

It seems to me that we are sleep walking, as a country, into a very dark place.

we are an aging population (there are many very reasons why) but we refuse to accept, it seems to me, that there are only two options to dealing with this.

We either, as a community, have more children, or we embrace young immigrants coming into our communities.

we (as a community) cannot have more children, because of the exorbitant cost of raising a family and we won't accept more immigration, because immigrants are different from us 🤔.

so we continue to stumble on, with a health service that is less and less able to cope with our aging population, with fewer and fewer people of working age people paying tax. But we still expect out world to carry on the same.

madness.

There is another option rather than exploiting young people.

Older people can look after each other and use their wealth to do so.

I agree with this.

And... I have to add, all the kids struggling with ND... what will they need support wise as adults? And so many of them are getting diagnosed (my 2 included)

This

People need to take responsibility for themselves and for their own families before reaching out to others for support.

yes we do this... me and dh, its a tough life and some do not cope as well so they... you know... need support.

This would be ideal. However, IME, what happens is that Robert’s needs mean he can’t do the extra admin, so Emma does the presentation, and has a normal lunch break, and does Robert’s calls because he can’t do them either, and then, despite Emma being overstretched, when Robert goes off on the sick, Emma has to pick up his extra workload. If the situation was the way you described, I don’t think I’d feel so doom and gloom about it!

@HereBeFuckery I know what you mean. It feels like it is one group of people constantly propping up another group of people. There is no taking it in turns.
As others have said, the ratios simply don’t work anymore because it is not a few people wanting support sometimes. It is pretty much an ongoing thing.
Of course everyone needs to support each other but not to this point. Too much of a safe net makes people less resilient, less creative and less responsible for their actions. I see so many people who get themselves into stupid situations and are then upset because no one supports their self-inflicted mess.

I don’t think there is enough support actually. We all have things we’re good at or enjoy and, rather than share that, we all see it as not our problem.

It is far from every child or every adult. There is plenty of adults and children whu move through daily life without any support. Those who need it, may not need it long-term.

Well support may run out as people are endlessly having to deal with reports, as in someone complains about a tiny thing that happened and they sre told 'you have to report it'

Plus most of us know that those who need support are often left behind. Support doesn't last long in the adult world, or in the classroom. They're eventually let slip through the net, especially if they don't have a family to fall back on.

I thought this was going to be a thread about the elderly but you’re right a lot of younger people need support too .

This won't apply to all situations but I've really noticed how at times when I have been supported and felt included and valued that I have had so much more to give to others.

Totally agree. This is my work situation and is at my expense. Some team members require a lot of support and it is down to others to provide it regardless of the impact on them.