Friend not replying to messages

[Bluejeansrose78]

My friend has over the past few months stopped replying to messages.

So we last spoke on fb messenger maybe in last week of december time, and I said about meeting up one day after work or at the weekend for a drink or coffee. She has been active on other social media and stuff and i can see she js online but shr just hasnt opened my message at all.

i saw her randomly after work one day as she was leaving 2 weeks ago and she said i’m so sorry for not replying to your messages and said she was so busy at work and it was stressful

i said it was okay, but did she want ti meet up sometime soon for a proper catch ip and she said yeah we can see sort something out,

i’ve not heard from her since, this is a common occurrence she is regularly really slow to reply but i feel hurt that she acknowledged my missed messages in person and still didnt reply.

i’m tempted to send her another message in a few weeks just asking if everything is okay and see if she wants to meet up and then pulling back and waiting for her to reply

am i been unreasonable? We went through last year when we would meet up all the time and do stuff together to all of sudden her not seeming interested or when we do meet up its a rushed half an hour thhing

I wouldnt message again soon. Maybe in a few months you could send a,

hope everything is okay for you. I miss you. I appreciate friendships arent always permanent. Not intending to harrass you. I am here if I can do anything or if you want to catch up

Then leave it if no reply.

Maybe like my friend and I do send a link to something saying “ I fancy this do you?”

Has she ever struggled with her mental health?

I only ask as I'm basically feeling like I'm the friend in this situation. When my MH is at its worse my default is to basically withdraw from society and disappear into nothingness. I feel completely and utterly overwhelmed at the mere thought of having a conversation. And my life sucks and nothing happens so it's hard to find anything to actually talk about. I feel like people are better off without me draining the life from them whilst being so depressed. I'm not fun to be around.

I haven't seen my best friend since before Christmas and deep down I know I'm putting it off and the longer I put it off the more guilt I feel. Same with family..

I wish I wasn't so bad at communicating. I just don't feel I'm someone anyone would really want or need to talk to. Especially if I feel like shit and I just bring everyone else down.

I had to reply as I’m afraid I’m doing this with a friend right now 🙈
The reasons are ; I feel like our lives have naturally drifted and I don’t have much in common with them. When I last met them I couldn’t get a word in edgeways and I don’t feel good after seeing them anymore.
I don’t have loads of time to see friends and I think it’s ok to let things be, friendships don’t have to be forever.
I still value them as people and would be friendly if we bumped into each other.

Sorry you are going through this and hope you find peace with the situation.

I agree with not sending more messages. It’s her turn now. Just because a message isn’t “ opened” doesn’t mean it hasn’t been seen. You can see alot of most messages without clicking on them.

ok, I think this is important because if you’d known her from childhood or something it would be more unsettling to be brushed off, suddenly. But of course it feels hurtful, anyway.

I think, unfortunately sometimes friends that you’ve been close with for a short time like this do just decide to move on and they aren’t likely to tell you why.

I would let it go and don’t contact her any more.

Yes this is true. And when people don’t open messages, it’s because they don’t want to feel pressure to respond.

My dd in her early 20s decided to phase out a friend because she became sick of her selfish behaviour. Always wanting to meet on her side of town and she realised it was a one-sided friendship and no giving on the part of the other friend. She didn’t want to say ‘the friendship is over’ so she just stopped opening or responding to her messages. Unfortunately, this led to the friend trying to contact me about it but that’s a whole other story!

Anyway, my point is that if someone wants you in their life, they will make it happen. And sometimes you won’t always receive a tidy resolution.

Completely agree. Sometimes I have time for friends and sometimes I don’t. I tend not to ignore messages but can easily take a few days to reply as can my friends to me. I have a wonderful friend who only replies to half of my messages but who cares, she’s extremely busy and doesn’t always have time. When I do see her, it’s great. Because I personally struggle to keep up with WhatsApp groups, messages etc then I don’t get offended when people don’t reply to me.

I think it’s normal for short term friendships to fade like this. I have some lifelong friends of 40yrs plus, and we can go a while with no messages and pick up where we left off. But for shorter term friendships I think they often do fade when not seeing that person regularly. I used to be close to someone at work and we kept in touch for a while but now we rarely see each other. I think on both sides, life is busy and it’s not a priority anymore. But I still wish her well and hope to catch up one day. We used to message every single day as well as work together all day. But times change.

She's either genuinely extremely busy or going through a stressful/difficult time, or she's pulling back from the friendship.

Ring her.

Agree with the first part of this but can’t get why the next step is ringing her. If I was her, no way would I answer and I’d feel quite hounded if OP escalated to calling and I was extremely busy or stressed or (less likely I think) ghosting. Just leave it seems a wiser approach.

I get that this doesn't feel great OP but I think that you need to take the hint and accept that this person isn't interested in you.

Could either be :

1. She is just genuinely extremely busy and isn’t the super social type. She’s a slow replier to everyone and it isn’t personal to you.

2. She isn’t into the friendship as much as you are. She’s trying to fade you out by not responding to your messages or making excuses about being busy.

Either way I would put the situation in the back of your mind and let your friend come to you.

Fact; you're clearly a better friend to her than she is to you. Are you ok without her in your life, because she's obviously ok without you in hers?
It's a one way street, let it continue to die

I could be the friend in this situation (i'm not though) but I hate feeling pressured for a meet-up or a 'proper catch-up' so I would be replying less.

Not because I don't like the person but because I prefer texting in general and people going on about 'a proper catch-up' makes me feel like it's going to be intense and involve lot's of complaining or high-stress stuff so I just think 'leave me alone' to be honest.

If someone says fancy going to X or a day out at y? i'm usually going to say yes but the whole 'proper catch-up' stuff makes me feel pressured and as if it's going to be a draining experience.

😅Truth!

Chase her no more.
If she's interested she will be in touch with you.