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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Dh is away and bored

99 replies

Shiningstar88 · 04/02/2026 14:25

I've annoyed DH as he is away on a course with work for 3 weeks, is alone in a hotel room and bored, where as I am at home, working full time, looking after the two children (4 & 6) and keeping the house going, as well as being ill with a chest infection, so don't have time to indulge in texting him all the time, especially when the message start turning into wanting sexy talk which he knows I don't like doing at the best of times

He now has the hump and is barely messaging about anything normal during the day and got stroppy when I tried to explain this to him, saying that he was bored, its normal when people are away for the other to want to engage in this sort of messaging, when all I want to do of an evening is sit down, catch up on either work or housework or get an early night

Guess the plus side is he's not messaging me anymore, but am I in the wrong?

OP posts:
AmberSpy · 04/02/2026 14:26

He sounds pathetic - full grown man and father of two having a strop because his wife won't send him racy texts? Of course you're not being unreasonable OP

MapleOakPine · 04/02/2026 14:28

He's behaving like a big baby.

99pwithaflake · 04/02/2026 14:29

Tell him he needs to grow the fuck up.

CocksBolingey · 04/02/2026 14:32

Urgh! How ick-inducing! Sounds like a testosterone-fueled 16 year old.
Tell him he's being gross and needs to grow up.

Original poster
Shiningstar88 · 04/02/2026 15:02

Thanks you

Thought i was me being tired, grumpy, ill and peri-menopausal and just not getting it

He says everyone does it when they're away

If i go away I enjoy having some time to myself to go snd explore or watxh what I want on TV !

OP posts:
noidea69 · 04/02/2026 15:04

Surely doesnt need to just sit in the hotel room when not on the course?

ldnmusic87 · 04/02/2026 15:05

gross

outerspacepotato · 04/02/2026 15:11

You should send him long messages about argumentum ad populum (cut and paste if you're really annoyed). Then segue into some linguistics. Then maybe some existentialist angst. If he believes x is true but it's not, can he trust his perception of reality type stuff.

Mindfuck instead of sext.

FuzzyWolf · 04/02/2026 15:14

Surely he’s spending most of his time doing the course he is there to do? I’d remind him that it’s his obligation whilst there if he’s avoiding it.

Separately, if you aren’t well, you can have time off work sick.

Givemeausernamepls · 04/02/2026 15:18

The absolute audacity… 3 weeks to himself and still wants the person doing everything to entertain him! Wow.

cramptramp · 04/02/2026 15:21

Whoever thinks you’re being unreasonable (poll) could you say why?

Daleksatemyshed · 04/02/2026 15:22

I'm not in favour of any argument that says everyone does it because that always smacks of it being an obligation to me, he'll come home expecting you to be mad for him when you might just want him to take the DC and give you a break. He may have time on his hands but it doesn't mean you do, especially since you're having to do everything at home plus being ill.

Windday · 04/02/2026 15:26

How in gods name do some women like you survive with such totally selfish losers.
You are on your knees juggling everything including illness, and he has the hump over not sexting him?
Unbelievable.

Cinquefoils · 04/02/2026 15:33

I'd suggest you cut and paste into as many texts messages as it takes the entire Wiki entry on 'theory of mind', because he sounds as if he hasn't developed it yet. Will give him something to do.

Clue: It's usually developed in early childhood.

godmum56 · 04/02/2026 15:34

Daleksatemyshed · 04/02/2026 15:22

I'm not in favour of any argument that says everyone does it because that always smacks of it being an obligation to me, he'll come home expecting you to be mad for him when you might just want him to take the DC and give you a break. He may have time on his hands but it doesn't mean you do, especially since you're having to do everything at home plus being ill.

"Oh but everyone does it/has it" is the argument of a schoolchild.

Shitmonger · 04/02/2026 15:44

I cannot stand when men try to tell women what is “normal” for us. Absolutely the fuck not.

I’d just ignore him and crack on. He’ll get over himself.

NewsOfMidLevelPortent · 04/02/2026 15:50

He's being unreasonable to try to make you feel guilty about not wanting to, especially when he knows it's not really your thing. Some people like it, some don't, and even those who like it sometimes won't always feel interested, same as when you're physically in the same room. Being ill and tired after a long day of picking up the slack while he's gone, it's no surprise you're not in the mood for that.

mondaytosunday · 04/02/2026 15:50

Pah. Can he not figure out how to entertain himself? Go out to dinner, see a film, watch TV or read a book? Go out with someone on his course?
My DH travelled for work (up to 120 nights a year). He was occasionally lonely but mostly he was simply too busy to be bored. And he never ever expected me to do any ‘sexy talk’!

outerspacepotato · 04/02/2026 16:18

Cinquefoils · 04/02/2026 15:33

I'd suggest you cut and paste into as many texts messages as it takes the entire Wiki entry on 'theory of mind', because he sounds as if he hasn't developed it yet. Will give him something to do.

Clue: It's usually developed in early childhood.

😆

I need a 🚬after that sick burn.

Your husband sounds awful. I hope you can get some respite for a bit.

Original poster
Shiningstar88 · 04/02/2026 16:27

Thanks everyone

The course is the standard 9-5 so he has free time in the evening

Which is great for him. I get the kids to bed by about 8 then have all my stuff to do lol

Its the expectation that everyone else does it (when I know they don't) which annoys me. He also makes me feel like we should be at it like rabbits when he is at home, again because everyone else is (i'm pretty sure they're not either!)

OP posts:
Cetera · 04/02/2026 16:35

Dear Husband. I’ve been working full-time from [AM] to [PM], and outside of work I’m managing everything for our two children—feeding them, taking and collecting them from school, washing, cooking, housework, and bedtime. This happens every day while you’re away with zero of these responsibilities. On top of that, I’m dealing with a chest infection, but I have no choice but to keep going. If you ever want to have sex with me again I suggest you stop guilt tripping me into being “sexy” when I’m doing the majority of parenting and managing our household on my own whilst you are “bored”. Please grow up. Thanks.

Ineffable23 · 04/02/2026 16:40

Is he bored because the hotel is somewhere where there's no where to go in the evenings? If so, maybe he could take a car or bike with him to give him some freedom, next week?

I agree I would be super frustrated by his behaviour and expectations though!

outerspacepotato · 04/02/2026 16:47

Its the expectation that everyone else does it (when I know they don't) which annoys me. He also makes me feel like we should be at it like rabbits when he is at home, again because everyone else is (i'm pretty sure they're not either!)

That argument, that you should do sexual things you don't want to because everyone is doing it is obviously false, but it also completely ignores you as a person and treats you like a sex doll there for his pleasure. That he gets nasty and gives you what's essentially the silent treatment when you won't do what he wants, that's coercive behaviour.

You're having a rough time functioning as a single parent with a diagnosed respiratory infection. He sounds completely self centered ignoring that.

OhCobblers · 04/02/2026 17:00

Cetera · 04/02/2026 16:35

Dear Husband. I’ve been working full-time from [AM] to [PM], and outside of work I’m managing everything for our two children—feeding them, taking and collecting them from school, washing, cooking, housework, and bedtime. This happens every day while you’re away with zero of these responsibilities. On top of that, I’m dealing with a chest infection, but I have no choice but to keep going. If you ever want to have sex with me again I suggest you stop guilt tripping me into being “sexy” when I’m doing the majority of parenting and managing our household on my own whilst you are “bored”. Please grow up. Thanks.

Edited

PLEASE SEND THIS!!

Megifer · 04/02/2026 17:05

When men are being dicks, it nearly always comes down to sex doesnt it. Im so bored of their tedious, pathetic ways.