Dh is away and bored

[Shiningstar88]

I've annoyed DH as he is away on a course with work for 3 weeks, is alone in a hotel room and bored, where as I am at home, working full time, looking after the two children (4 & 6) and keeping the house going, as well as being ill with a chest infection, so don't have time to indulge in texting him all the time, especially when the message start turning into wanting sexy talk which he knows I don't like doing at the best of times

He now has the hump and is barely messaging about anything normal during the day and got stroppy when I tried to explain this to him, saying that he was bored, its normal when people are away for the other to want to engage in this sort of messaging, when all I want to do of an evening is sit down, catch up on either work or housework or get an early night

Guess the plus side is he's not messaging me anymore, but am I in the wrong?

What a prick!!

I hope you are handing him the kids when he gets gone and going away for a few nights rest!!

This!

What a dipstick. If my husband was away, I’d get an evening phone call every day and there’d be little to no texting. We only text each other for practical purposes anyway.

Everyone is different. I couldn’t be doing with that. But I know people who have marriages like this.
Horses for courses and all that .

Odd response. We have a loving marriage. We speak to each other, not text.

Exactly this. If the poor boy is SO bored you'd think he'd be only too happy to rush home

Well he is due home today so we shall see

Responses still limited to one word answers etc

Have had to make sure the house is tidy and up to his standard as otherwise that will be another argument I really don't want to have

These are all excellent suggestions 👏👏👏

Apologies I realise that was from earlier in the thread. But re his self-pitying message, you literally are there, holding the fort for him, and he is literally not there for you. Either physically, or in terms of being thoughtful about what you might need, and responding to your difficulties with being ill, doing everything at home, etc.

When he gets back he needs to explain to you what he understood your circumstances to be during his absence, and to talk you through what his views are about pressuring someone into sexual behaviour they aren't comfortable with, however little or much spare time they might have.

He's a bully! I'd read him the riot act and stop doing thins for him, you are not his maid. He is treating his wife like a maid. And I LOVE Cetera's post!

Next time send him with a load of life admin to sort out in the evenings - insurance, shopping around for cheaper utilities, holiday planning etc.

Well he is back now and apparently hes upset because I made him feel rejected and the fact the kids didn't want to talk to him as much on video didn't help either. He would usually ring just as they were going to bed or something or were mid game or watching their iPads, always around his schedule, so thats why apparently

Hasn't asked about the kids have been, how the week has been etc

Your husband sounds awful.

I agree I'm afraid. He sounds like a rude baby

He’s behaving worse than a teenager. I would find it impossible to put up with that.

He is so vile, abudive and controlling.
His children aren't pushed about him which says so much.
Time to quietly get organised.
You snd your children deserve better than this.

He sounds like the kind of arse you'd be better off without.

Use chatgpt

Careful OP you’re in danger of being a doormat here. You have done everything while he’s been away and unwell with it. The very least he should do is apologise and here you are running around tidying up. Bloody nonsense.
No need to argue about the state of the house you just remind him what you’ve done and he can fuck off and then you leave the room!

It’s definitely giving ‘men are not lonely enough’ isn’t it.

@Shiningstar88 Suggest he has some bonding time with the kids today to give you a break and then you could have a family take away and movie night. Then maybe try to reconnect- explain you have been handling everything alone on top of being unwell and whilst you’re sorry that made him feel rejected, his actions made you feel unsupported, lonely and knackered. Then work together to try to find some ways he can support you when he’s away- organising online shopping for you or reading to the kids or helping with homework via iPad etc. Try to act more as a team than two individuals focused on yourselves.

The problem is that when only one person is willing to be a team, the other person benefits and the team player is drained from carrying everything by themselves- including giving things up to the benefit of their partner, like creating free time for hobbies, but never getting the same back. It sounds as if the OP would like a reciprocal relationship but her “partner” is only concerned with what he gets, not what he can give. That’s unsustainable.

I don’t think she’s actually really
touched on what she wants or needs from him tbh. So looking at proactive suggestions like seeing yourselves as a team is actually a good start from the “me and you” stance they’re currently in. He wants to feel wanted and she wants to feel supported. So being a partnership achieves both outcomes. Win win. Communication is key and being on the same side avoids the finger pointing and defensive arguing.

He needs to grow the fuck up and stop acting like a selfish and self important arsehole.