Dh is away and bored

[Shiningstar88]

I've annoyed DH as he is away on a course with work for 3 weeks, is alone in a hotel room and bored, where as I am at home, working full time, looking after the two children (4 & 6) and keeping the house going, as well as being ill with a chest infection, so don't have time to indulge in texting him all the time, especially when the message start turning into wanting sexy talk which he knows I don't like doing at the best of times

He now has the hump and is barely messaging about anything normal during the day and got stroppy when I tried to explain this to him, saying that he was bored, its normal when people are away for the other to want to engage in this sort of messaging, when all I want to do of an evening is sit down, catch up on either work or housework or get an early night

Guess the plus side is he's not messaging me anymore, but am I in the wrong?

Tell him next time he is sick you’ll leave for 3 weeks then insist he spends every evening after working and kids entertaining you. If he doesn’t feel like it you will obviously guilt trip him as unreasonable. Does he see a problem with that?
The problem here is 1. He is not listening that you are sick. 2. He does not seem the understand the workload of running a home. Does he do his fair share at home normally given you work full time too?
I’d be seriously ticked off in your shoes. I might suggest to run an experiment, once he is home, you go to work and do NOTHING ELSE for 3 weeks - all kids, cleaning cooking etc down to him then at the end of 3 weeks see how sexy he feels compared to before.

My mom used to say only boring people are bored.

TBH when one of us is away we usually speak on the phone each evening. Do you not do that? Does he call the kids?

And also if he was married to me.

How pathetic.

When mine had working days away he’d ask how we were and chat briefly about the course/conference. 30 seconds of ‘missing you’ talk at the end sufficed.

It's not that's he's bored, to be blunt he wants a wank and he expects the Op to help with some sexy chat, he hasn't given a thought to her being ill and wrangling the DC. Any adult can find something to entertain themselves, he sounds like a bit of a sex pest Op

I’d cut him loose now. This will only end in an affair anyway. Fucking loser who only sees you as his sex vessel

I cannot believe an actual grown adult male is whining that he is 'bored' and thinks it's somehow your job to entertain him. (Actually I can...) Does he really have no inner resources whatsoever?
He could read a book, go for a drink with the people off his course, go for a walk, go to the cinema etc etc Or like my mother used to say when I whined I was bored : 'Only boring people are bored/ If you are that bored , go tidy your bedroom'

Did you post about him recently @Shiningstar88? The grumpy DH who comes home at the weekend and is miserable before he goes back again?
Either way, I’d tell him to fuck off.

Hmmmm I smell bullshit with him on this one I think he’s trying to cover up what he’s really upto and make the wife feel guilty and ‘pushing him to it’ Men get upto all sorts when away on courses etc. Sorry to plant the seed but it’s what it looks like to me.

@rainbowstardrops no that wasn't me but I did see that post and I could sympathise with a lot of it. Dh has decided not to come home last weekend as by the time he got home it would be late Friday night and then he would have to leave early Sunday. He may or may not come home this weekend (think I would rather he didn't right now!)

Message are still being limited to one word replies. Trying to talk to him and getting nothing back. But I'll also not even that bothered

Kids aren't that fussed he's not here. Hate to say they have actually been behaving better while he has been away. There's been no shouting, arguing and they have actually done what I have asked when asked (most of time, they're kids after all!)

There's going to be a very honest conversation when he does come home

Stop trying to talk to him then if he is not engaging. He doesn’t deserve it. I can just picture him ‘punishing you’ by not engaging. Don’t give him the satisfaction

You have to be there for your kids.

He's an adult. He can't figure out you're busy single parenting while I'll and have too much on your plate to sext him like a good wife appliance?

He could be doing an online grocery shop or chatting with the kids.

He's an asshole.

Yeah he could always go out on the piss... he's in a strange town, working all day, stuck with the same people day and bloody night. In a crappy hotel room with at most 4 TV channels, probably with local news that means f all to him.

I did that sort of job for 20 years... every meal comes with chips because your allowance ain't enough for a decent restaurant. You'd kill for a jacket spud or beans on toast. You've got a limited wardrobe a lot of which is soaked through in the weather we're having. So he can't even go out for a walk and explore....nothings open anyway

The hotel room is too hot and you can't open the window...it smells of cheap cleaning products, the place is noisy

It's ain't glamorous...but he's not right to expect sex texts.

He is pathetic. As if it isn’t difficult enough for you holding down everything at home whilst he is on a course, he expects you to spend your evening sexting him. Why can’t he entertain himself? Has he not heard of netflix etc? I’d ignore him and don’t bother messaging him if all you’re getting back is one word replies.

Your posts were extremely similar, so maybe you can reach out to a fellow ally there?!
I think that you can both see how much life would be quieter and calmer without living with your awful partners. Maybe worth thinking about.

Good for you, OP, it's clear that life is better and easier for you and the kids when he isn't there. Keep us posted, and good luck.

Absolutely, he is annoyed that his wife appliance/robot is malfunctioning.

Nearly every mother i know has fantasized about having something monor happen to them and to be confined to hospital for a few days. The luxury of whinging to someone about being bored while they are holding the fort for 3 weeks. Your husband needs to read the freaking room.

Assuming you rebuffed him in a kind way (so, "Sorry, I can see you're feeling bored and lonely but I'm exhausted and the kids are sick and I feel ill too - plus I've never really felt comfortable sexting", rather than "Leave me alone, you disgusting pervert, how dare you") he has absolutely no business being stroppy

Fuck that shit.

No.

When someone is being a sex pest, there is no requirement to ensure an acceptable level of ego-stroking pleasantries when saying no.

And from the description of his behaviours 'disgusting pervert' would fall under 'fair comment' defence.

And yet if he though he could wheedle sex out of you he would be coming home.

Let that sink in. He would come home for a shag but not to actually see you, see his kids and give you a break, never mind bring jkme a bunch of flowers for holding down the fort and taking a career hit so that he can advance his.

He's too selfish to want 5050 so just divorce him. You've said it yourself, you're all happier without him and he sounds happier alone too. Which is just tragic.

Try having a husband away for 8-9 months of the year.. rather than 3 weeks!
I do the same as you . As well as have elderly, unwell parents to care for , my only sibling with terminal cancer and I suffer with severe anxiety.

I guess it was a bid for attention / connection and he feels rejected by you.

Really? Ok then… blimey, no wonder there is a “male loneliness epidemic” if this man, who’s been married for several years, doesn’t know how to connect with his wife. Maybe treating her like a person would be a good start?

You reply I’m an idiot too - I thought my dh might respect that solo parenting and working while unwell is a really tough gig and be sending supportive messages and not expecting a reply. Other men would be telling me how much they need me- you’re throwing a childish tantrum because I won’t add sexting to my load of absolutely everything else. I will send through some family admin tasks I’m too unwell to do at midnight when I’m finally finished my work and you can do them on your phone in your evenings

????
is that like a toddler hitting you to get your attention? No of course not, toddlers don’t know how to communicate yet, nor recognise others workload. If that’s his level of emotional communication he shouldn’t have married and had children, but he did so he needs to get the fuck over himself and grow up.

Decided not to come home for the weekend??? He can’t be too bored? What a prick.