Dh is away and bored

[Shiningstar88]

I've annoyed DH as he is away on a course with work for 3 weeks, is alone in a hotel room and bored, where as I am at home, working full time, looking after the two children (4 & 6) and keeping the house going, as well as being ill with a chest infection, so don't have time to indulge in texting him all the time, especially when the message start turning into wanting sexy talk which he knows I don't like doing at the best of times

He now has the hump and is barely messaging about anything normal during the day and got stroppy when I tried to explain this to him, saying that he was bored, its normal when people are away for the other to want to engage in this sort of messaging, when all I want to do of an evening is sit down, catch up on either work or housework or get an early night

Guess the plus side is he's not messaging me anymore, but am I in the wrong?

I’d take him at his word that he is bored and send a list of useful jobs which he can do online from there.
Top up school lunches account, order the food shop, book the car mot, book a slot at the tip, update the family calendar, find someone to unblock the gutters etc etc etc!!?!!!

If he’s bored, he can make himself useful.

Set up a video call with the kids and he can read to them/help them with their homework while you crack on with other stuff/have a rest.

Tell him the supermarket shop needs doing, so can he organise an online one, deliver it on X day and time with a weeks worth of food in.

Forward on any emails from the school with forms that need filling out (if he doesn’t get them himself) get him to go on parent pay and sort out anything that needs doing there.

Also, have you currently got the best price on your energy bills/internet/insurance etc? Because he can spend his free time organising those, or doing other things that help the home.

Well, I think you probably are tired, grumpy, ill and peri-menopausal. But you really can't help being any of those things; it's not a crime! Those are all as good a reason as any not to want to spend the evening sexting, aren't they?

It doesn't really matter why you don't fancy it. The important thing is that you don't, and therefore he shouldn't push it. Assuming you rebuffed him in a kind way (so, "Sorry, I can see you're feeling bored and lonely but I'm exhausted and the kids are sick and I feel ill too - plus I've never really felt comfortable sexting", rather than "Leave me alone, you disgusting pervert, how dare you") he has absolutely no business being stroppy,.

He says everyone does it when they're away
If i go away I enjoy having some time to myself to go snd explore or watxh what I want on TV !

Personally, I love a good old exchange of increasingly filthy messages. It's one of my favourite things - words just do it for me. But he's talking bollocks if he says 'everyone does it'. They definitely don't - and even if they did, that still wouldn't mean you have to do it as well! Never do anything sex-wise that you're not comfortable with.

I think you need to go away for 3 weeks, and harass him via text and see how he likes it.

Argh, I clicked the wrong button when scrolling

YANBU

So a sex pest too. 🤢

Tried to talk to him last night, he basically said he finishes his course at 4pm, has something to eat and then there is nothing else to do so its his fault for relying on me for company etc and he should expect better of himself for thinking that his wife would be there for him

Messaged him that I was going to have an early night as I felt rough etc, he didn't even respond!

Guess that's that then

Good grief! Sorry he's such a twat OP.

DH is taking DS away without me for a week soon. I'll be messaging "all is well, I love you" every day then leaving it to him or DS if they want to speak to me. I'm an adult. I can occupy myself.

there is nothing else to do so its his fault for relying on me for company etc and he should expect better of himself for thinking that his wife would be there for him

those are pretty dramatic ways of phrasing it, more usually seen when someone’s going through something really painful or challenging! Is he usually a drama llama, this needy, or this pushy for sex?

Tell him you’ll go away for three weeks next, leaving him to look after the dc, work and look after the house, then see how much he wants to send sexy messages!

he sounds clueless and lacking empathy.

So he expects you to be there for him, but he isn’t there for you? How selfish.

Ffs. ‘Everyone’ doesn’t have small children. He’s thinking of young childless couples.

Has he never run the household himself for an extended period? If he had, he’d know how ridiculous he’s being. He should be incredibly grateful you’re doing this for him.

I understand him wanting to see you and the children daily, it is lonely away. I’d have expected his focus to be more in the dc really.

I used to hate this when DH was away. It’s not up to you to entertain him.

Can he not read a book? Watch TV? Make friends with people on the course? Does he have no interests?

Why does he need to be entertained like a toddler? That’s really weird for an adult.

He’d be spending his evenings lonely in a bedsit for the foreseeable if he was married to me.

I’d reply to say if you weren’t being there for him by doing 100% of the childcare, household chores etc he wouldn’t be able to even go on this course (for I assume the benefit of his career). That you have quite enough on doing all of this, without adding one more thing to the list in entertaining him.

His behaviour reminds me of the teenage boys who try to pressure you into sex, you say no and they tell the whole school you’re a slag.

With all you have on your plate, the last thing he should be telling you is that he is bored!! I bet u can't imagine the luxury of being bored. If don't want to send racy texts why should you?

Do this.

His lack of theory of mind is extraordinairy. He genuinely seems to think that because he has free ‘me time’, somehow,magically, so do you so this trip is an opportunity for some sexy time for you both.

I’m guessing he doesn’t do his fair share when he is home either.

You are there for him!!!! You are looking after kids and house so he can do the course and develop his career!

What an absolute selfish, entitled bastard!!!! What a sulky man child!!!!!!

He really does take you for granted doesn’t he? You really just exist as a filler of his needs.

I am so sorry OP. This must be really painful for you. Realizing that the man you are married to is not the man you thought, can be devastating

His sulking is childish and pathetic. As is his "everyone does it" comment.

Nothing wrong with wanting to engage in sexting with your partner - and it's certainly not uncommon or abnormal for couples who are apart to connect in this way - I certainly enjoy it myself, and it has been a feature of all my LTRs whenever we have been apart.

BUT, would have NO interest doing it with a partner who had explicitly told me they didn't enjoy it.

In fact I don't get this - he knows you hate sexting but wants you to do it anyway?

That's fucking unpleasant, OP. Do you think he actively gets off on your discomfort?

If it were me I would set a time to do sexy time, perhaps one or two evenings but not every night! He sounds like a big kid not a partner and adult.

Emotional blackmail too. Nice.

Tell me, what are his good traits? He seems so so so so SO SoO selfish, I can't imagine he is any better at home. Is he?

Revolting sex pest 🤮

What a cretin. I don’t know how you didn’t respond with “I am there for you. Im looking after our house and kids to enable you to sit there bored.”

What an absolutely ridiculous excuse for a man. He’s behaving like a child.
how on earth is there nothing to do? As Papa have said, there are loads of household things that can be done remotely, like checking you’re on the best energy tariff, shopping etc.
Maybe he could do some exercise or read a book.