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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Is my DS’s tutor being unreasonable

354 replies

PWPmum · 04/02/2026 08:39

My DS 11 who is in year 6 has a weekly tutor to help him prepare for his SATs and support his spelling. He is dyslexic. She insists on being paid at the beginning of the month with the sessions she will teach agreed in advance.
My DS is not well today. So I contacted the tutor to let her know he can’t do the lesson today and asked if we could roll the lesson over
she has replied saying as the cancellation is on the day and her time is booked out, there is no rolling over or refund.
But there will be no lesson today so part of me feels why should I pay?
She’s offered to teach him at the weekend but we’re busy then.
I’m not sure if I’m being unreasonable or not to push for the credit to go towards next month or not.

OP posts:
Horses7 · 04/02/2026 11:43

PWPmum · 04/02/2026 10:00

She only offered one time slot at the weekend which is when my DS has a sports club.
It just feels a bit off that she won’t credit the lesson into next month as I’ve recommended her to other people so she’s benefitted from that and one time she cancelled on the day as she was unwell and that time she did roll the credit over.

Just pay the tutor - it’s the right thing to do.
Don’t you believe every single pp when you’ve asked for opinions?!?!
She could of course withdraw her services then you could regret being so unreasonable.

Wherethewildthingsaresleeping · 04/02/2026 12:03

I was that tutor!

I had a waiting list for places.

I had to become more 'strict' because parents didn't realise it was my income. I had a mortgage to pay. It wasn't a hobby or 'pin' money. It was a professional service.

I used to have parents saying their child couldn't come as they were going to a party after school, or football practise, or out of term time family holidays.

If I'd not charged them I'd have lost hundreds of pounds a month.

You're being unreasonable.

Cosyblankets · 04/02/2026 12:04

PWPmum · 04/02/2026 10:00

She only offered one time slot at the weekend which is when my DS has a sports club.
It just feels a bit off that she won’t credit the lesson into next month as I’ve recommended her to other people so she’s benefitted from that and one time she cancelled on the day as she was unwell and that time she did roll the credit over.

She's unwell she rolls the credit over so she takes the financial hit.
Your child is unwell so she rolls the credit over so she takes the financial bit
When it's worded that way can you now see how ridiculous it sounds?

Crunchymum · 04/02/2026 12:04

What is in her T&C?

We have a 1:1 swimming teacher and he has a 24h cancellation policy, although he kindly lets us PAYG. So if we cancel with more than 24h notice he won't charge us but cancelling on the day we have to pay as he cannot fill our slot at short notice. In 18 months we've only had to cancel on the day once.

We also a see a private (SEN) tutor and we pay for a block of sessions in advance to get a discount on the cost. She is very flexible and rolls our session over, even if we cancel on the day - which we have only done twice in 2 years. However she has had to change her T&C's recently as too many client's were just not turning up [so not cancelling at all, just missing sessions] and then expecting to have the session rolled over. So from this month our tutor also has a 24h cancellation policy. I am surprised she didn't have this to begin with to be honest!

I have recommended both the tutor and swim teacher as they are amazing! Your recommendation should not be dependent on their cancellation policy! That's a bit of a cheek to expect them to do you favours as 'you sent money their way'

Mosaic80 · 04/02/2026 12:06

I'm afraid I think she's being reasonable here. She has booked out that time and won't get anyone else in that slot at this point. If she was ill then yes, she should refund or rearrange. When I used a childminder, if my child was ill or on holiday I still had to pay, if she was ill, I didn't have to pay. I know it's a different service but I think the same principle applies.

MyMilchick · 04/02/2026 12:07

People like you are probably the reason she asks for payment in advance, she's probably been stiffed in the past .........

MyMilchick · 04/02/2026 12:08

PWPmum · 04/02/2026 10:00

She only offered one time slot at the weekend which is when my DS has a sports club.
It just feels a bit off that she won’t credit the lesson into next month as I’ve recommended her to other people so she’s benefitted from that and one time she cancelled on the day as she was unwell and that time she did roll the credit over.

because it was her fault that time.........

Ritaskitchen · 04/02/2026 12:09

What is her cancellation policy.
If she is unwell and can’t do the lesson that is a different matter?
I do regular language and exercise lessons. If I’m unwell and cancel and it’s within the cancellation penalty period - usually 24 hours then that’s on my and I lose the lesson.

Frannyisreading · 04/02/2026 12:11

It's her job OP - what she does to pay bills and buy food. If you were given tomorrow off work unasked for but told you wouldn't be paid, would you be ok with it?

Jellycatspyjamas · 04/02/2026 12:18

PWPmum · 04/02/2026 10:00

She only offered one time slot at the weekend which is when my DS has a sports club.
It just feels a bit off that she won’t credit the lesson into next month as I’ve recommended her to other people so she’s benefitted from that and one time she cancelled on the day as she was unwell and that time she did roll the credit over.

She rolled the credit over because she was breaking her arrangement with you, she won’t roll it over when you break your agreement with her. It’s not hard to understand.

She will have planned her working week, and her finances, based on x number of pupils paying x amount of money. If she rolled credit forward for every child she wouldn’t be able to plan her finances. If you want people to be in business to provide services like tutoring it has to be financially possible to predict income.

3peassuit · 04/02/2026 12:23

Of course you should pay, very unreasonable of you to consider not doing so.

Wherethewildthingsaresleeping · 04/02/2026 12:26

I always offered an alternative time when I could but being fully booked it wasn't always possible.

Unfortunately, I think some people consider tutors to be at the bottom of the pile when it comes to education.

There's a lot more to it than parents often think.

I spent hundreds of pounds on equipment and books, there's wear and tear on your home if the come to you, the cost of professional fees and insurance.

AND the time before the lesson when you're preparing.
The fee you pay covers maybe 30 mins of prep for a child - planning, photocopying material (costs incurred there), keeping records, etc.

No tutor ( a good one!) just opens a book or provides a worksheet the minute your child arrives at the door.

This is why, if you cancel with no notice, the tutor could have already spent 30 mins preparing your child's lesson.

My fees were half a term paid in advance.

Very occasionally, I'd 'let off' a reliable parent if there was some bad family emergency and take the hit. But usually they insisted I was paid.

FlyingPandas · 04/02/2026 12:34

99% of respondents tell the OP she's being unreasonable.

OP: "But it just feels a bit off."

No it doesn't OP. It's common sense and good business practice. It doesn't matter how many people you've recommended her to, or how much of a favour you feel you've done her by these recommendations. It's not 'a bit off', it's just standard.

It's hardly uncommon to have to pay for an appointment cancelled (or not required due to illness) at short notice. No refunds, no credits rolled forward.

Accept you are in the wrong OP and pay your tutor.

eatsleeptutor · 04/02/2026 12:37

PWPmum · 04/02/2026 10:00

She only offered one time slot at the weekend which is when my DS has a sports club.
It just feels a bit off that she won’t credit the lesson into next month as I’ve recommended her to other people so she’s benefitted from that and one time she cancelled on the day as she was unwell and that time she did roll the credit over.

She cancelled, it costs her.

You cancel, it costs you.

It's really as simple as that.

It's the same with the vast majority of children's activities.

If you are sure the tutor is being so unreasonable, maybe the sports club will be generous enough to refund you if you choose to miss a session so you can attend the alternative tuition session?

As for the recommendations, I'm assuming you did this to help other parents and because you were happy with her work. Or did you feel she owes you money/loss of income for this? That is basically what you're suggesting.

metalbottle · 04/02/2026 12:38

PWPmum · 04/02/2026 10:00

She only offered one time slot at the weekend which is when my DS has a sports club.
It just feels a bit off that she won’t credit the lesson into next month as I’ve recommended her to other people so she’s benefitted from that and one time she cancelled on the day as she was unwell and that time she did roll the credit over.

If your employer had no work for you one day @PWPmum would you be happy to not be paid? It's absolutely standard to charge and I'm sure she has been bitten in the past by people taking the piss.....

ForEdgyHare · 04/02/2026 12:51

You need to just pay the tutor.
When my mum died, I had a hair appointment that day. I cancelled and still had to pay. Its in the policy, it was less than 24 hours and she couldn’t fill my slot. She did give me a reduced price that covered the rent on her chair but I paid what she was owed. People have mortgages and bills. You can’t say because you have sent business her way that she should credit you. Thats how businesses work? Word of mouth? 😂 This is not the first batshit tutor thread I have seen on here tbf.

handsdownthebest · 04/02/2026 13:00

Is this a reverse or are you just not intelligent enough to realise that you are being very unreasonable ?

OPRM1919 · 04/02/2026 13:02

I am a tutor and I've been very reasonable in the past, like many others on here have commented, offering alternative slots if possible. I often tutor for children of friends or ex work colleagues, and they have always given me as much notice as possible if they need to cancel.
If I am unwell or have to change the day due to an emergency cropping up, there is no charge.
However, if a parent cancels on the day, of course they shouldn't be refunded or not have to pay. Even if the tutor has a waiting list, there is no way they'd be able to arrange that slot to be filled that evening.

I've had some very entitled parents, if their child is late, they want the time knocking off the payment, or the time extended.

Last year I was due to start an online lesson at a certain time, no sign of the student. I called the mum who told me they'd gone shopping and were still on the car park. I no longer tutor for that family.

As a tutor it can be so awkward to ask for missed payments or reinforce T&Cs as it's just you.
I hate using Tutorful as they take a huge amount of money, but it takes out the awkwardness of paying as they take care of the payment and you still get paid if cancelled within 24 hours or if the student doesn't turn up.
The cost of my lesson is prep, teaching for one hour, setting homework and marking the homework and providing feedback.

IsitaHatOrACat · 04/02/2026 13:04

When my DS had SATs it was solely to assess the school's teaching and had no bearing on his educational progression

Are the results used for something else in other parts of the UK??

FitnessTrainer2020 · 04/02/2026 13:07

LadyDanburysHat · 04/02/2026 08:40

YABU, she has offered an alternative, it is not her fault your child is ill. She is running a business.

Edited

She did the right thing OP, I have a 24 hour cancellation policy too. Plus didn't she offer the weekend instead?!

In reality it becomes a complete nightmare if you don't enforce this as you end up with different appts all over the place. She wasn't being mean, she just needs to logistically organised.

FairKoala · 04/02/2026 13:07

Why do you need a tutor for SATS

SATS are a reflection on the teaching he receives at school. If it is so bad that tutors need to be used to skew the results then it is giving people who look at the school false hope that the schools teaching is good

NeverSeenThatColourBlue · 04/02/2026 13:23

PWPmum · 04/02/2026 10:00

She only offered one time slot at the weekend which is when my DS has a sports club.
It just feels a bit off that she won’t credit the lesson into next month as I’ve recommended her to other people so she’s benefitted from that and one time she cancelled on the day as she was unwell and that time she did roll the credit over.

So when several students are ill in one month and she doesn't make rent, do you think her landlord will just let her off? She has bills to pay and she can't just forfeit the fee every time someone is ill, or goes on holiday, or no-shows.

IsItSnowing · 04/02/2026 13:23

PWPmum · 04/02/2026 10:00

She only offered one time slot at the weekend which is when my DS has a sports club.
It just feels a bit off that she won’t credit the lesson into next month as I’ve recommended her to other people so she’s benefitted from that and one time she cancelled on the day as she was unwell and that time she did roll the credit over.

YABVU. She offered you an alternative, which she didn't have to do, but it's not convenient for you. That's unfortunate but it's life.
And your son is so ill he can't go to a tutor session but is still planning to attend a sports club on the weekend instead of taking the alternative lesson!
You have a contract for the tutor and it says you can't cancel on the day. So you can't cancel on the day, that simple.
The other stuff is irrelevant. I assume you recommended her because she's good and thus presumably busy. That doesn't mean she owes you money and it certainly doesn't negate the agreement you have with her.

BlackCat14 · 04/02/2026 13:26

This is her business. She relies on the money. You’re unreasonable.

DualPower · 04/02/2026 13:26

You're beyond unreasonable but you seem genuinely puzzled as to why!