Wedding Invite to Husband Only

[MiniOneFree]

A wedding invite arrived by post today, we were expecting it and excited to open it.

Only my husband's name is on the front.

On the back it says 'this invite is just for the guest(s) named.

It's the reception only from 6pm, at a hotel, so not the actual ceremony.

This couple (let's call them Amy and John) came to our wedding in 2022. John is an old school friend of my husband's. They are in touch all the time. I met Amy at our wedding, she seemed friendly but as with weddings I didn't get to talk to her much. She made a comment which I do remember about my husband punching above his weight, which not only offended my husband but also we felt was a bit weird and rude as was in front of a group of around ten people who all laughed.

I want my husband to go to the wedding, if he wants, but would rather he didn't, but I don't want to stop him.

However he says he will decline and tell John we are away. However I want him to be honest and say he's not going as I've not been invited.

I think it's completely astonishing and I can't help but take it personally.

Is excluding wives and husbands a thing now ( like not including children) ?

Is it understandable to be so upset about this or AIBU?

I do think the groom should have called his close friend (your dh) and explained why he was only getting an evening invite and why it was only for him and not you. And who else would be there that he would know etc.

We would have known well before the invites went out what the story was. Who was being invited etc. And a reason given if not a full invite to all. (Full day plus partners)

2 of the last 3 weddings I was invited to were just me, not dh. One evening, one ceremony. It didn't even occur to me or my dh to mind.

These are people I usually socialise with without my dh, as presumably your DH does with the groom if you've only met the bride once, so you obviously don't meet up as a couple. So given how expensive weddings are I wouldn't expect him to be top of the list of people to pay for! I'd much rather be invited alone then not at all because they've had to half the number of friends invited because married couples can't spend an evening apart! My DH doesn't know them well so wasn't at all offended. I had a night out with my friends, which I am allowed to do without him!

And the comment about punching was probably supposed to be a compliment to you, albeit a clumsy one. I think you are overthinking this and causing a rift between your dh and his friend in the process

Thats incorrect. My husband had the autonomy to invite who he wanted and their partners. I wanted to welcome his friends and their families into our life as the people he wanted to be there. I didn't specify which wives of his friends could come.

Only my husband's name is on the front.
On the back it says 'this invite is just for the guest(s) named.
It's the reception only from 6pm, at a hotel, so not the actual ceremony.

If I was the invited one, I'd be declining.
Rude.

Why have you not hung out as a foursome in the last 3/4 years @MiniOneFree?

One of his closest and longest friends… and yet just invited to the evening do?

I think you misunderstood this poster. She didn't mean invited as a group to mean the group named in the invitation. She just means they are envisaging the group of school friends, colleagues, whatever hanging out together at the wedding and not needing plus ones there. That's how I thought if it for work colleagues at my wedding, for example. But they got separate individual invitations, no one would mention the 'group' on the invitation.

Why are you presuming Amy has specified anything and this is not a joint decision?

My Husband just came home and said he's been thinking about it and mulled it over. He thinks his friend would have invited me too but she will have said no. He says he doesn't think she isnt particularly nice. As a side note-We are not overly sensitive about the comment she made at our wedding. But imagine if my husband went to their wedding and said to the bride, your punching a bit. The role reversal does reveal an odd comment.

All speculation

You have no idea whether amy forcing this man to not invite you, or a joint decision.

You and Any met once. Once!
Your husband, despite being a very close friend and seeing weekly has only been invited to the evening do.

From your post you clearly don't like this woman. Why would you want to go to her wedding?

Surprised to see so many thinking it isn’t a big deal, obviously unable to see the hurt this has caused

Seems pretty normal among my adult kids' circles - especially if the people invited without their partners are part of a 'group' like university friends, colleagues etc. One of my kids got married and where they had to reduce numbers they invited some people without partners (usually where they didn't know the partner, and where the invited person was part of a group), but they made an exception for people who wouldn't know anyone else at the wedding and invited those partners. I thought it a bit odd at first, but seems my kids often get invited to weddings without their partners (one of them doesn't like it, and sometimes declines).

You haven’t seen or spoken to the bride in over 3 YEARS. Why on earth you’d think she should invite one less actual friend or colleague in order to invite you is absolutely bizarre.

You invited Amy because you’d never met her.

Now you and Amy have met (and never seen each other again) - it was clear that at that one meeting, the pair of you didn’t…. Let’s say “click”.

So I suspect if you were getting married, you wouldn’t want Amy at your wedding either because you now know you didn’t click with her at all. Yes, I know you’ll say that you’d be fine with it but… that’s theoretical.

I found her to be quite friendly, she made the odd comment but people do these things as probably have I before. I only mentioned it in my post as my DH reminded me of it this morning. I wanted to go with my husband as we wanted to support his friend.

This happened to me a few years ago! Husband invited to the daytime but I was only invited to the evening do. It wasn't local so I would have been waiting around all day alone whilst my husband went to the wedding. My husband also didn't want to go alone as he didn't know many people. Absolutely bizarre. Especially since the couple both came to our wedding just a few months before!

Your dh really took great offence that what sounds like a very flippant jokey comment l!!

Best your DH ask his friend about you not being invited? Pretty odd if they see each other weekly?

But you've gone on to mention several times you think the reason you're not invited is down to her thus presenting her in a negative light.

My thoughts too.
It wouldn’t bother me one iota, nor would my DH be fussed if only I was invited to a wedding.

Same. It’s turned into an expensive and inconvenient circus these days. Luckily everyone I know is married, and anyone on their second one gets a gift and card.

True enough the term 'partner' wasn't used commonly at the start of the 80s, but I still went to several wedding parties where - for example - the bride or the groom invited all of us from work and those that were married were invited without their husband or wife, which is the point we are talking about on this thread.

It would be interesting to see if they’ve just invited the friends and not partners of anyone else. Can your husband ask anyone in the friend group?

But also it doesn’t really sound like a full wedding invite, just the evening reception. Going would also depend where it is!

And he’s only been invited to the evening do!