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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Wedding Invite to Husband Only

626 replies

MiniOneFree · 03/02/2026 14:53

A wedding invite arrived by post today, we were expecting it and excited to open it.

Only my husband's name is on the front.

On the back it says 'this invite is just for the guest(s) named.

It's the reception only from 6pm, at a hotel, so not the actual ceremony.

This couple (let's call them Amy and John) came to our wedding in 2022. John is an old school friend of my husband's. They are in touch all the time. I met Amy at our wedding, she seemed friendly but as with weddings I didn't get to talk to her much. She made a comment which I do remember about my husband punching above his weight, which not only offended my husband but also we felt was a bit weird and rude as was in front of a group of around ten people who all laughed.

I want my husband to go to the wedding, if he wants, but would rather he didn't, but I don't want to stop him.

However he says he will decline and tell John we are away. However I want him to be honest and say he's not going as I've not been invited.

I think it's completely astonishing and I can't help but take it personally.

Is excluding wives and husbands a thing now ( like not including children) ?

Is it understandable to be so upset about this or AIBU?

OP posts:
Cosyblankets · 03/02/2026 17:04

Genevieva · 03/02/2026 16:58

Doubly odd given they accepted the invitation for both of them when they weren’t even married. Reciprocation is normal.

What's also normal is OP invited who she wanted to her wedding.
John and Amy are doing the same with their own wedding. Inviting who they want

Wowthatwasabigstep · 03/02/2026 17:06

So your husband has been invited to the reception only which would indicate that he is not close friends with either John or Amy.

Amy sounds like she was either at the champagne or does not possess a social filter when she made the ‘punching above his weight’ comment. She is perfectly entitled to have thoughts but it is somewhat crass to verbalise them.

If it was me I would decline without giving a reason allowing them to draw their own conclusion.

OxyGon · 03/02/2026 17:08

I honestly wouldn’t have a problem with this. They are not ‘couple friends’ with you and your husband. Your husband is just friends with the guy. If I was your husband I would go and enjoy myself and if I were you I would be totally fine with it. You don’t have to be friends with everyone.

iIt would be very different if the four of you had hung out together.

Ilovepastafortea · 03/02/2026 17:14

JustGiveMeReason · 03/02/2026 16:59

a) it's not 'new' - happened plenty of times in the 1980s and 1990s, to my knowledge.

b) Why would you be incapable of enjoying a wedding without your partner there? Confused It can be great to go out with your friends in a group sometimes, without having to worry about including someone who doesn't know any of the other people there.

Show quote history

In the 1980's there was a difference between 'partners' and spouses. The term 'partner' wasn't generally used - it was BF or GF. Live-in partners were not usually invited to family events, unless the relationship had been formalised with an engagement.

I married in 1982, DH & me lived together before, but my parents didn't want my GPs to know about this & it was rather disapproved of, but we were both invited to family events as we were engaged & planning a wedding. Attitudes changed very quickly & by the end of the 1980's & the 1990's living together & having children without being married was much more acceptable.

I don't remember the spouse (eg: husband or wife) of a couple not being invited to weddings (or other family events) in the 1980's. We invited the spouses of all our friends & relatives, but, I suspect we may not have invited <what would now be termed> partners.

Wonderwall23 · 03/02/2026 17:17

I think there is a general view that it's rude to not invite spouses so in that sense yanbu but I have to say I personally find this ettiquette very old fashioned, it's not something I particularly agree with and I wish it wasn't seen in this way.

My view is at the extreme end though. My DH has a group of school friends and I was invited to one of their weddings (full day). I don't know the couple very well so it was obvious they invited me to be polite/because we'd invited them to ours. I then found out that someone from the rest of their friendship group was only invited to the evening due to numbers. In the end I didn't go and they subsequently bumped him up to a day invite. I was pleased! They clearly preferred him so why would I want a pity invite for the sake of etiquette?

I really wouldn't take it personally as the bride doesn't know you...so it's not like she actively dislikes you or anything like that.

rwalker · 03/02/2026 17:18

You haven’t seen the bride for 3 years

just let DH go he’s probably saying he won’t go being loyal to you

Uhghg · 03/02/2026 17:19

Happyjoe · 03/02/2026 16:43

Or go somewhere else where everyone can go?

Show quote history

Not everyone can afford this.

So you’re saying that unless I can afford to invite twice as many people, then I can’t invite my girl friends who I’ve known for years and I’m very close to unless I invite their DHs who I’ve only met once?

Strawberry53 · 03/02/2026 17:19

Very odd behaviour. Especially when it’s just to the afters?! Is it an open bar? If it’s not then no difference really if it’s one or two people if you’re paying for your own drinks there and the food will be finished…. I guess there might be late night food but that’s normally not a big thing.

StabbyCat · 03/02/2026 17:20

It seems particularly odd to invite people to an event that celebrates the union of two people and proceed to separate two people who are already united 🤨

Alittlefrustrated · 03/02/2026 17:20

I've gone to weddings without my DP (of 36 years), that he wasn't invited to. I don't think it's unusual at all 🤷 He is the husband's friend - not you.

honeylulu · 03/02/2026 17:22

It is a bit rude especially as you invited them both to your wedding.

Good that your husband agrees and so doesn't want to go anyway.

I dont think you should put pressure on him to say the true reason (offending you) for the declinature. But he shouldn't lie either.

Just decline - sorry I won't be attending.

If they ask, well, perhaps he should tell them if they actually want to know.

HeadyLamarr · 03/02/2026 17:23

StabbyCat · 03/02/2026 17:20

It seems particularly odd to invite people to an event that celebrates the union of two people and proceed to separate two people who are already united 🤨

United legally, but not actually conjoined twins.

I'd far rather DP went to his mate's event without me if I barely knew anyone. Far better he socialises with his friends rather than having to keep me company because I don't know anyone.

I'd far rather go to an event with a bunch of my female friends than half that number but with their Plus Ones.

ThrowingDi · 03/02/2026 17:27

I mean I think in your situation it’s because you are not that close to the bride and groom. Yes your husband is super close to the groom, but you seem to be quite separate to both of them.

Tink3rbell30 · 03/02/2026 17:28

I wouldn't expect to be invited when I hardly know the couple, I never understand why some couples need to be attached at the hip and can't go to an event without the other. But if DH is a very close friend surely he will ask why he was only invited to the evening. Presumably a cost cutting move.

Uhghg · 03/02/2026 17:30

Tink3rbell30 · 03/02/2026 17:28

I wouldn't expect to be invited when I hardly know the couple, I never understand why some couples need to be attached at the hip and can't go to an event without the other. But if DH is a very close friend surely he will ask why he was only invited to the evening. Presumably a cost cutting move.

I agree and I’m not sure why OP would be so upset about not going to the wedding of a couple she barely knows.

wendywoopywoo222 · 03/02/2026 17:30

I think it’s perfectly normal to just invite your friends if numbers are an issue. I wouldn’t get your partner to ask why you’re not invited. Will make him look silly.

Nearly50omg · 03/02/2026 17:34

MiniOneFree · 03/02/2026 15:26

We don't hang out as a couple but my husband is in contact with John weekly and they're very close. I haven't seen Amy since our wedding.

There is no indication of the size of the reception just that it's at a hotel.

I actually think it is rude but accept they don't want me there. My husband has decided he doesn't want to go which makes me feel a bit sad. I am not the sort of person who would make him feel bad for going, that's wrong. I like doing my own thing and more than happy for him too.

Your husband not even being invited to the wedding - the whole day - is a very nasty snub I don’t think I’d be able to get past personably if I was him!

MyBrightPeer · 03/02/2026 17:35

The bigger snub is your husband not being invited to the day given they’re in touch weekly.

PatsFishTank · 03/02/2026 17:37

Endofyear · 03/02/2026 15:31

It wouldn't bother me and I would encourage DH to go. They're not your friends, the groom is your DHs friend and it may be that they are limited by numbers and have just decided to only invite friends and not their spouses. It's not a big deal and it's pretty normal these days!

This. I think you and your DH are over reacting.

I went to a wedding a couple of years ago where some guests had been invited without their partner because the budget was tight and tough decisions had to be made. The couple getting married explained this and I thought it was fair enough.

The friendship is between your DH and John. It sounds like you don't really know them, in which case, why would you want to go? I've been to the weddings of colleagues without my DH because they're not people he knows.

FasterMichelin · 03/02/2026 17:42

They must be very self absorbed to think your husbands going to want to spend an evening on his own at a wedding when he presumably only knows the groom. How boring for him.

Dont feel bad. It’s them who should feel embarrassed.

Jaxhog · 03/02/2026 17:48

You'd think that an invitation to a wedding, even just the reception, was about love and all that. So it should be normal to invite both halves of a couple i.e. people who love each other.

Personally, I would 'encourage' my DH to politely decline. Without explanation.

notacooldad · 03/02/2026 17:49

Ive only been this situation once and it was a long time ago. I was with ex partner and he got an invite to his best friends wedding but I didn't. To be fair i had never met the couple but ex was angry about it. He had a word with his friend but the bride still said no. Ex refused to go. Years after our split I asked him if he regretted not going, especially as we weren't together anymore but he said that he didnt. He said I was important to him and the couple knew that and if they couldn't respect that and treat him there as if he was a single man be would rather not go.

Personally I didnt care about going as I had ever met them and thought that he should have gone.

godmum56 · 03/02/2026 17:50

MiniOneFree · 03/02/2026 15:02

So very true and good to be reminded I shouldnt care or waste time thinking about it, thank you.

Show quote history

I think you are absolutely right to take this attitude.....his friend, his invitation, his decision and of course he was the one who was publicly insulted. I didn't vote. While I can understand your having an opinion about it, I don't think its important enough to get upset about or even to give headroom really.

viques · 03/02/2026 17:52

I think another factor is how far away is the evening reception? If he can drive or cab it there in a reasonable time , say less than an hour then it might be great to go and catch up with friends he ha

NeverSeenThatColourBlue · 03/02/2026 17:52

I think Amy and John will work out why your DH wasn't there if DH has so much contact with John. It's extremely rude and I think your DH is making the right choice.