Wedding Invite to Husband Only

[MiniOneFree]

A wedding invite arrived by post today, we were expecting it and excited to open it.

Only my husband's name is on the front.

On the back it says 'this invite is just for the guest(s) named.

It's the reception only from 6pm, at a hotel, so not the actual ceremony.

This couple (let's call them Amy and John) came to our wedding in 2022. John is an old school friend of my husband's. They are in touch all the time. I met Amy at our wedding, she seemed friendly but as with weddings I didn't get to talk to her much. She made a comment which I do remember about my husband punching above his weight, which not only offended my husband but also we felt was a bit weird and rude as was in front of a group of around ten people who all laughed.

I want my husband to go to the wedding, if he wants, but would rather he didn't, but I don't want to stop him.

However he says he will decline and tell John we are away. However I want him to be honest and say he's not going as I've not been invited.

I think it's completely astonishing and I can't help but take it personally.

Is excluding wives and husbands a thing now ( like not including children) ?

Is it understandable to be so upset about this or AIBU?

I think it is very rude you haven't been invited.

The 'punching' comment though, I think you are being OTT. It is meant to be light-hearted humour used to compliment a new girlfriend or wife and telling the male friend to treat you well, to earn your friendship. It is saying you are remarkably beautiful, with the dig at the man meant to be humour to make it a playful/casual way to say it. She was likely just trying to break the ice by complimenting you, not trying to be mean to your husband. Most men do take it as a compliment and don't turn it into an insult about them.

OK i will word it another way. You and your husband invited who you both wanted to your wedding
They're both inviting who they want to their wedding.

Yeah I agree with this really.

You both wanted them both there, they don’t, and considering it sounds like it is only your husband who is friends with them anyway its not a huge surprise?

You have completely made up all 4 of the points you've made in this post.

@Cosyblankets isn't wrong at all.

The couple getting married get to choose who they invite.
In 2022, that was you and your (now) dh. In 2026, that is 'John' and 'Amy'.

You have absolutely no evidence that Amy made all decisions and John got no say. It seems you don't think very much of John's abilities to make any decisions.

Like so many other posters, I don't understand how it is in 4 years, you and your dh have never tried getting together - either as 2 couples or as parts of bigger groups going out together or having people round when clearly they must be local enough if your dh and John see each other every week. It is bizarre that you think you would be invited to the wedding of someone you don't have anything to do with, although spending time together would seem to have been the most normal thing in the world.

I’d be relieved personally as I dislike weddings, and find them very boring and only attend out of politeness (keeping my opinion to myself of course), but appreciate that might be a minority view!

You're absolutely not. I open wedding invitations with the reluctance of Hugh Grant in Four Weddings. Not in a million years would I be pre-excited at an invitation I was expecting to the wedding of somebody I didn't know. I'm not even excited for the wedding of people I do know.

I don’t go to weddings unless I am invited to the whole thing. So I would just offer my apologies and say I cannot attend.

When was the last time you were invited to a wedding @ChatOff ?

We don't hang out as a couple but my husband is in contact with John weekly and they're very close. I haven't seen Amy since our wedding

That's explains quite obviously why dh is invited and you aren't.
This really wouldn't bother me at all. Dh has been to 2 weddings of his distant family who I've never even met. Weddings don't come cheap nowadays.
I was quite relieved not to be invited tbh.

I know, and one that people make all the time. Is he sensitive about his appearance op?

However I want him to be honest and say he's not going as I've not been invited

I don't understand why you'd want to put your husband in an uncomfortable position with a close friend.

If you were a recent girlfriend, fine. A spouse would typically be invited. I wouldn't go to an evening reception if my partner wasn't invited, unless it was very nearby and there were other friends I knew going, but I wouldn't be bothered about not being invited properly unless we were close.

Your husband is saying that he doesn't want to go because he doesn't want to upset you.

Tell him to go, tell him to have a great time and mean it. Let him celebrate with his friend without feeling guilty

Book yourself something nice to do instead.

I used to think trad wedding days come in 3 parts: ceremony, reception/meal, evening do. If you're close friends or family you're invited to all three, of course. If you're a colleague, neighbour, friend from the past maybe you're just invited to the evening do. It's usually a dance, pay for your own drinks bar, a crowd to create atmosphere... the more the merrier really and no extra cost to the hosts so why not plus one? However, clearly there's lots of other formats!
In this case wouldn't DH be invited to more of the day? If there's any offence it's to him if he's a good mate but only invited to the evening part. Maybe he can sound out his friend about it so you've got the full picture.

This - Only I was invited to a reception do afterwards because of this.
They couldn't invite anymore due to their budget. I wouldn't take it personally.

Last year. A cousin.

Blimey, I've been to 4 weddings without DH. He is disappointed when he is invited!

I've been to the weddings of my best friend's 3 children without dh. My friend wanted me there, I doubt her children were that arsed. Given that the only people there that I knew was my friend and her child at each of the 3 weddings, there was absolutely no need to invite my dh and she sort of knew he wouldn't be bothered. He was relieved.

And you had no desire or enthusiasm to attend?

Meh. You and your husband aren’t joined at the hip, you’ve only met the bride once; why do you care? If I’m paying a lot to feed and water people and it’s a choice between inviting two people separately I know and like, or one person I know and like and their plus one (meaning I have to not include someone else, because money doesn’t grow on trees) I’ll happily invite one of a couple.

This is nearer to the truth I would think. The last wedding I was invited to was my God daughters, she only invited me, not my husband . High costs etc now make it more common I think.

Why is going to a wedding seen as ‘supporting’ someone? You support people at funerals, not weddings! Surely you attend a wedding because you’re happy for the couple, and want to celebrate with them.

YABU because it’s obvious you’re not friends with the bride. Not even a couples’ get-together as a foursome, so obviously there’s no friendship between you. So I can see tbh why you’re not invited, especially if numbers are tight. Your DH, on the other hand, is a good friend of the groom, and hence has been invited in that capacity. They probably think your DH can sit with other male friends of the groom.

Honestly, I’d be encouraging your DH to go, enjoy himself, and not chuck away a friendship.

You also haven’t seen either of them since your wedding so you can’t be that fussed about building a relationship with them so why should they have you at the wedding?

You’re essentially a stranger to them.

I think that the comment about your husband 'punching above his weight' was intended as a compliment to how attractive you are

Of course it was. You'd have to be a bit sensitive to take that the wrong way.

I’m with you, OP: wedding invitations are about creating community and excluding obvious people negates that purpose. I find it grasping. If someone really doesn’t want to come, they should feel free to decline gracefully.

Yes, of course it’s the choice of the bride and groom. That doesn’t make it seem any less mean spirited.

But if DH is one of John’s oldest friends I reckon he merited more than an even invite anyway. The whole thing sounds unpleasant and not worth thinking about.