Wedding Invite to Husband Only

[MiniOneFree]

A wedding invite arrived by post today, we were expecting it and excited to open it.

Only my husband's name is on the front.

On the back it says 'this invite is just for the guest(s) named.

It's the reception only from 6pm, at a hotel, so not the actual ceremony.

This couple (let's call them Amy and John) came to our wedding in 2022. John is an old school friend of my husband's. They are in touch all the time. I met Amy at our wedding, she seemed friendly but as with weddings I didn't get to talk to her much. She made a comment which I do remember about my husband punching above his weight, which not only offended my husband but also we felt was a bit weird and rude as was in front of a group of around ten people who all laughed.

I want my husband to go to the wedding, if he wants, but would rather he didn't, but I don't want to stop him.

However he says he will decline and tell John we are away. However I want him to be honest and say he's not going as I've not been invited.

I think it's completely astonishing and I can't help but take it personally.

Is excluding wives and husbands a thing now ( like not including children) ?

Is it understandable to be so upset about this or AIBU?

Do not do this.

But you aren't more than happy for him to go as you have made a 'thing' out of it.

Why would they invite you? You aren't their friend? You don't see either of them? There has been plenty of time surely in the last 4 years since your wedding to get to know them. Why waste an invite on a random? Your husband will have friends there I'm sure.

On what planet would this actually happen? The OP hasn’t seen John or his wife since her wedding four years ago.

I think you’re right OP. It’sa horrible invitation and I hope your dh tells them the truth about why he’s not going

It seems to be a mumsnet specific thing where some people think that writing turgid passive aggressive oh so witty scripts actually work and that recipients of said message will be having some kind of Damascine moment upon reading as opposed to thinking the sender is just an absolute bellend.

“I'm one of the oldest mumsnetters”

And one of the meanest going by your comments on this thread!

I mean if that’s the most weird comment on mumsnet then it says alot about the people who use it. Why is having a happy marriage where you and your other half are best friends and enjoy doing things ( and attending special events such as a best friends wedding) together weird? I just don’t get this forum at times?

Honestly, tell your husband to go. And mean it.

The only reason he's not going is because you are being grumpy about it. He doesn't want to deal with your mood.

Tell him to go, he'll have a good time.

Then do something for you, so you get a night away somewhere.

You're a married couple, not conjoined twins.

I think the opposite of "forgetting that their wedding is the occasion of the year for them but not for everybody else." - for anyone else a wedding is "a nice occasion", or an excuse to get together. To the bridal/grooms side, it is the occasion of the year.

I personally don't get the angst about one being invited from a couple. Its not the dark ages, women are allowed to go out without their husbands and vice versa.....

You haven’t seen ‘Anne’ in 3 or 4 years and you aren’t friends with the husband so why would you even want to go?

They have invited ONE of you to the absolute bare minimum they can get away with, without John and your H not being friends anymore.

Please, both of you, take the very large hint.

Nights away on your own, wedding invitations where married couples are not recognised, posters talking as if they are free agents etc. Is it any wonder so many marriages fail nowadays.

Sorry what?

That's quite the wild take.

In my opinion a strong marriage is where each individual is happy doing things without their spouse, keeping their own identity and not becoming an amalgamation.

Have nights out and time away, absence does make the heart grow fonder. Just make sure it's equal

But we are free agents! Marriage doesn't make us slaves to our spouses!
Yours is a really weird take on marriage.

YABU and oversensitive and also unfairly blaming her.

You have no idea about the size of the wedding or how invites were decided but have just decided she’s the bad guy.

From an outsider perspective it looks like they are short of budget/space for guests. As your H is johns friend he wants to invite him. However you are friends with neither John nor Amy so why would either actively want you there other than as an extension of your H. H is also Johns ‘oldest friend’ (your words) so presumably knows other people who will be at the wedding so won’t be alone with out you there. It’s not that they’ve actively gone ‘we don’t like minionefree so she’s not getting an invite’ it’s more like ‘johns known minionefree’s H for a long time so we’d like to extend him an invite but unfortunately we just don’t have the capacity to invite his wife and, as neither of us have a relationship with her outside being his wife, there isn’t someone else we’d kick off the list to accommodate her’

How often do you spend time with the groom? You said your husband sees him weekly, but do you see him regularly?

I have a happy marriage.
We're in our 4th decade of this marriage malarkey.
We enjoy doing things together.
But we can also enjoy doing things with other people, independently of each other.

No-one has said it is weird to attend a wedding together.
What people are trying to explain to you is that there are occasions (in this case a wedding) where one person is invited somewhere without the other, and that is fine. You can choose to go and have a night out with the other people invited, or you can choose to not go and sit in twiddling your thumbs.
Every event - wedding or not - has a finite capacity and therefore there will be people who don't get invited. It isn't a personal snub, it is logistics.

Having a happy marriage is NOT turning into one "unit" and being unable to go anywhere without the person you are married to.

You’re missing the point. Inviting a husband without the wife is both rude and hurtful.