Wedding Invite to Husband Only

[MiniOneFree]

A wedding invite arrived by post today, we were expecting it and excited to open it.

Only my husband's name is on the front.

On the back it says 'this invite is just for the guest(s) named.

It's the reception only from 6pm, at a hotel, so not the actual ceremony.

This couple (let's call them Amy and John) came to our wedding in 2022. John is an old school friend of my husband's. They are in touch all the time. I met Amy at our wedding, she seemed friendly but as with weddings I didn't get to talk to her much. She made a comment which I do remember about my husband punching above his weight, which not only offended my husband but also we felt was a bit weird and rude as was in front of a group of around ten people who all laughed.

I want my husband to go to the wedding, if he wants, but would rather he didn't, but I don't want to stop him.

However he says he will decline and tell John we are away. However I want him to be honest and say he's not going as I've not been invited.

I think it's completely astonishing and I can't help but take it personally.

Is excluding wives and husbands a thing now ( like not including children) ?

Is it understandable to be so upset about this or AIBU?

Entirely subjective and not my view at all.

Nor mine.

Nobody has said it's wrong to go out as individuals when married. My particular point is very often this 'do my own thing' mindset eventually gets to the point where special nights out consist of women getting together with the girls & men getting together with the guys & never the twain shall meet. If this works for people who's to judge. The fact remains there will be marriages failing for exactly this reason whether we wish to admit it or not. Absense may make the heart grow stronger but the opposite can be true if the absence is detrimental to the marriage. If a couple are married or they are in long term live in relationships, wedding invitations should be extended to both whether the bride & groom know both of them or not.

There is an etiquette about these things for a reason. The OP is being snubbed.

You forgot to say "in my opinion" as that is definitely not an objective statement, but is very subjective to you. You opinion isn't shared by me, or many, many others on this thread.

Nor any of the young people I know who are of the age where they are going to a lot of weddings - my adult dc, their friends, my nieces and nephews, my former colleagues, my friends from volunteering I do, my God children.

Nor, come to that, people I know of my own age (60s), all of whom - as far as I am aware - would not be hurt or upset or think it rude if only one of them got invited to something.

Indeed, the last wedding I went to (in September) the Mums of the tight knit group of friends of the bride (from school) were invited to the evening do and came and had a great time without any of their husbands.

This seems to be a 'you' issue.

The poll results say otherwise! Had one wedding in the family recently, and one next year, and the couples would not dream of inviting one withy the other, no matter how tight the budget, no matter whether they knew or liked the other partner. You just don’t do that!

You just don’t do that!

Clearly people do.
Just read the thread.

What you mean is "People in your family don't do this."

That's not normal 😂, you have a weird friendship group.

None of your friends have deemed it worthy to invite both of you to a wedding? I can't tell if this is a joke or not.

And to add her DH has only been invited to the evening despite the fact he is a close and old friend.

Cleary others don’t- We have always received invitations for us both. If we ever received invites which excluded the other, we’d not attend.

This. ^ I do actually wonder if some posters on here actually even like their own husband to be honest, going by some of the sneery put downs (from some) about couples doing stuff together, and preferring to go to big events (like weddings) together. I find it odd that some posters seem very happy to go to a big family event like a WEDDING without their husband.

I don't know anyone who has ever invited just one half of a married couple to their wedding and not the other, even if they didn't know the other person very well. Quite a few posters on here seem to do a lot of stuff alone, and without their partner. If they want to, then they can crack on, but they need to rein in the rude and disparaging remarks aimed at people who prefer to go to something like a wedding with their husband (or wife.)

In my world, people invite married couples to weddings. They do not invite one half and not the other. It's rude, it's bad etiquette, and it's offensive. IN MY OPINION. If someone doesn't care/doesn't find it a bit of a shitty thing to do, then you do you. But do NOT presume to tell me how I should feel about it.

It's also farcical that some posters think us posters who prefer to go to big social events - like WEDDINGS - with our husbands, are 'joined at the hip' and cannot do anything without our husband. Of course we can do stuff without him, and sometimes do. Also, my business, and what I do, and how I do things has naff-all to do with anyone else anyway, and I don't need to justify myself to you.

.

They probably just want to save money by keeping the headcount down. I wouldn't take it personally, since you aren't close to the couple.

People who treat their guests like this seem to spend the rest of their married lives aggressively insisting online that it’s normal, so you’ll doubtless encounter some of those on your thread. Meanwhile, back in the real world, it’s very rude and graceless indeed to invite one half of a married couple, especially when both B&G attended that couple’s wedding. The two-tier invitations are also a red flag.

I would decline if I were the favoured spouse, not least because all the signs suggest that this is going to be one of those “Our Day” weddings where the chair covers cost more than the food, the photos are more important than the guests’ comfort and the attendees themselves are treated like inanimate chess pieces who are there to make the bride feel like a film star for a day. Tiresome and tiring.

All sorts of etiquette is out of date now.

eg assuming I use Mrs and/or my husband’s surname, or worse, referring to me as Mrs Hisname Hissurname. I don’t and I won’t answer to anyone referring to me by anything other than my actual name.

There is no good reason for this to be any sort of rule in 2026. if someone wants to invite their friend to a party, the fact that the friend has a legal spouse doesn’t mean they should be invited too. Especially where the spouse has had fuck all to do with the people hosting the party for years.

Broadly speaking, DH’s friends (and family) are not my friends (and family) and neither of us would expect an invitation to anything from someone that was the other one’s friend/colleague/relative. It’s 20+ years since we got married and we didn’t invite anyone we hadn’t seen in the last 2 years regardless of “category”. DH’s sibling didn’t invite anyone but parents and their own children to their wedding.

I think some posters are misquoting those of us saying

'It is okay, in some circumstances, to invite a person without their spouse'
and
'I'd be perfectly happy for dh to go to a wedding without me if I didn't know the people'
and
'I'd be happy to go to a wedding without my dh, if it were someone I knew and he didn't'

and trying to suggest we are saying
'we don't go anywhere with our husband'
or
'we prefer to go to all social occasions without our husband'
or even
'we don't like our husbands'

None of which has been said.
In the nearly 35 years dh and I have been married, I'd say at least 95% of the weddings either of us have been invited to, has been an invitation to both of us.

But THIS THREAD is discussing what we do when one of us gets an invitation that doesn't include the other. So that is what we are replying to.

So, MOSTLY, I go to weddings with my dh.
However, when the occasions have arisen that dh has been invited to the wedding of a colleague that I don't know, I have no problem with him going, with other colleagues, and me not being invited. Ditto when I have been invited to the weddings of people he doesn't know, then he has no problem with me going (and, indeed wouldn't enjoy spending all those hours at a do where he doesn't know people).

All this nonsense about us not liking our husbands is ridiculous.

I find it odd that some posters seem very happy to go to a big family event like a WEDDING without their husband

and I find it very odd that people seem to find the idea of going anywhere, ever, without their husband incredibly strange too.
Why would my dh want to go to the wedding of my colleague Jane, who he has never met ?

The two-tier invitations are also a red flag.

'Red flag' for what, exactly ?

I would decline if I were the favoured spouse, not least because all the signs suggest that this is going to be one of those “Our Day” weddings where the chair covers cost more than the food, the photos are more important than the guests’ comfort and the attendees themselves are treated like inanimate chess pieces who are there to make the bride feel like a film star for a day. Tiresome and tiring.

I had additional friends arrive for the party in the evening when I got married.
Just to reassure you, I didn't have chair covers. Indeed, I'm not sure they had been invented at that point in history. No-one at my wedding was treated like an inanimate chess piece.

I think this is the one I struggle with

We'd talk about it - in the same way we discuss all invitations. We had an invitation to a wedding earlier this year. It was from the daughter of a friend of mine - friend sadly died a while ago. OH had never met the daughter and my friend only on a couple of occasions. It, also, meant at least one night away. OH didn't fancy it but was more than happy for me to go.

And the same with an invitation for only one of us. We don't have a blanket rule. We'd normally want to go together but can easily see situations where whichever one of us had been invited would go with the other's blessing.

And to add her DH has only been invited to the evening despite the fact he is a close and old friend.

OP says 'reception only from 6pm'. So not just the 'evening do' and missing out on the main part. I wonder if it's one of those weddings where for whatever reason there's a long interval between ceremony and reception, or ceremony is a very small family only affair. Hasn't 'John' talked to his friends about how his wedding is organised?

I suppose it depends how much OP's husband values the friendship. If he declines with a message like some of those suggested here, I doubt if the close friendship will survive.

The soon to be married couple felt it was absolutely fine to both attend the wedding of the OP and her husband, even though the OP was a stranger to them.
There is usually a certain reciprocity to these things, but if for reasons of space or budget it could not be fully reciprocated, I'd expect an explanatory and apologetic note or call from the groom as to why his good friend's wife was not in fact invited to the wedding.
To do otherwise is very rude.

I think inviting work colleagues and friends for example, a group of people from your sports team, to all come to a local evening do together is acceptable. Not in the circumstances you have described.

Yes.

I'm not sure why you think I wouldn't.

I think the real question is why your husband only invited to the reception and not the whole day seen as there such good friends ? If I was him I’d be more concerned about that

If I was invited to a wedding but not my wife I wouldn't dream of going on my own - I would either refuse (saying why) or reply first along the lines "Hi John, thanks for the invite, before I respond officially can you just confirm that the omission of [my wife] isn't a mistake - I really couldn't believe that it was deliberate. Yours ..."

The last wedding I went to, the bride (a much younger friend of mine) didn't know DH from Adam. I accepted, attended and had a wonderful day, quite happily chatting and getting to know those on my table. I'm a big girl and perfectly capable of attending events unaccompanied.

I fail to see why she would have invited DH simply because we are married. At that point she hadn't even met him yet. Then again, I'm totally unconcerned with either tradition or 'etiquette'.

Is it only weddings that some people will refuse to go to if their other half isn’t invited to or all parties?