Wedding Invite to Husband Only

[MiniOneFree]

A wedding invite arrived by post today, we were expecting it and excited to open it.

Only my husband's name is on the front.

On the back it says 'this invite is just for the guest(s) named.

It's the reception only from 6pm, at a hotel, so not the actual ceremony.

This couple (let's call them Amy and John) came to our wedding in 2022. John is an old school friend of my husband's. They are in touch all the time. I met Amy at our wedding, she seemed friendly but as with weddings I didn't get to talk to her much. She made a comment which I do remember about my husband punching above his weight, which not only offended my husband but also we felt was a bit weird and rude as was in front of a group of around ten people who all laughed.

I want my husband to go to the wedding, if he wants, but would rather he didn't, but I don't want to stop him.

However he says he will decline and tell John we are away. However I want him to be honest and say he's not going as I've not been invited.

I think it's completely astonishing and I can't help but take it personally.

Is excluding wives and husbands a thing now ( like not including children) ?

Is it understandable to be so upset about this or AIBU?

"The point" being you sulking because I woman you don't know hasn't invited you to her wedding ?

But you've had four years to get to know John and Amy better - but you've not seen her once and your husband sees John weekly. Have you invited them over as a couple or to go out for catch ups in those four years?

I really haven't missed the point, though my post was mostly aimed at all the posters on here who were lecturing me about etiquette or saying that they and their husbands "are one" and can't possibly be invited to something without their other half, even if the person inviting had never met them.

Yes, some of the language and phrasing in those posts really is like something out of a Victorian novel, and I really thought that we'd broken our way out of those restrictive ideas since feminism arrived.

I don't think it's rude. If you don't see the couple, why would they invite you?

Surely your husband will cope perfectly well on his own if he goes?

Why do I need to be friends with the bride to be Invited with my husband to his (and my) friend's wedding?

It would be weird if I insisted I have to be friends with all my husbands friends wives.

Would we not be guests of the groom?

Meeting wider family and friends from each side of the marriage is pretty normal.

You're not friends with the groom either though are you? Do you go out for a pint with him? Do you text him when you see something funny he'd like? No. He's your husband's friend.
To invite you they would have to sacrifice someone they actually like and know.

Also the "punching" thing was her trying to flatter you in a clumsy way. She's never had a second thought about it yet you're ruminating over it months/years later. Try not to take everything so much to heart. You're only the main character in your life, not theirs.

An example of togetherness is not going to weddings without your marriage partner. I didn't mention random parties. I made it clear I was referring to special occasions. A wedding is meant to celebrate a couple joining together in marriage. Why should married guests be made to feel their status as a married couple is less important therefore it's acceptable to split them up on the day. It's not.

I guess it depends on whether you think that marriage means "no independent personality"? Why would a married couple be a super special event at my wedding? Are my two lifetime single friends not more worth inviting if I love them more than I love mr X and his random wife I've met once?

I got what you meant but I think you’re being ridiculous. It’s so silly. There’s no reflection on your relationship and your connection with your partner. I’m no less committed and connected with my husband because we’ve been to some weddings alone and didn’t take it as any reflection on our relationship. You also don’t need to be married to have that connection with someone.

In this case, the bride has met the OP once, there’s no personal slight here because they don’t know each other.

Exactly. Never realised a reason to get married was so you could force your way into parties held by relative strangers (,or guilt trip everyone if it didn't work) 😂

Why should married guests be made to feel their status as a married couple is less important?

Your status as a married couple isn't important. Who cares? Why do you think that as a married couple you're more important than the single guests, or those in long term relationships but not yet married?

I honestly can't get my head round this, and I was very happily married. It never ever occurred to me that marrying gave me status and made us more important than non-marrieds.

As for being needed at weddings as a shining example, that earlier post is still making me chuckle.

...therefore it's acceptable to split them up on the day. It's not.

No-one's "splitting them up"! One of them is being invited. That's all.

I’m honestly baffled at some of the posts on here, I feel like I’m living on another planet.

How rude!!! Maybe she's jealous of you

👏👏

To be honest if it involves travelling somewhere especially if I had to stay in a hotel, I absolutely wouldn’t go if it was only the night do, they clearly aren’t that bothered about you being there for the main event!!! Just want extra people for more gifts and even local evening do’s I tend to decline for the same reason I find it quite rude.

In would also not go to a wedding without my partner I find that bizarre and as we don’t have tonnes of family if they didn’t include my kids I wouldn’t be that keen either as don’t have tonnes of people to help me out!

interestingly we have declined 4 wedding night do invited over the last 3-4 years and 2 of them are separated and I suspect 1
of the other couples will be soon so I’m very pleased I didn’t waste my money.

FGS don’t do this, what a ridiculous suggestion!

How have you not met them since your wedding @MiniOneFree

I also think it's rude.

I had a similar situation, DH and I invited a couple to our wedding (day+eve), theirs was before ours (our wedding invitations already sent) and when their invitation arrived it was for DH only for the day and for me only for the eve. A wedding 2 hrs away, in the middle of nowhere. A large one too, they had the money for sure. We thought it was incredibly rude and we didn't go at all.

Really? No, I disagree. Splitting couples is plain rude. If you haven't got a budget to do the wedding the right way, don't have one. Alternatively, don't invite friends at all instead of splitting them, it's bad manners with no excuse.

The more I read of this thread the more I’m wondering if she’s not been invited because she’s such a drama queen and makes everything about her and they don’t want their day they ruined.

"Dear John - Wishing you all the best for your wedding but I'm sorry I can't be there. Wherever Minionefree is that evening is where I'll be, as I am sure you understand as you love Amy just as much. May your married life be as blessed and joyful as ours is. Best wishes, (DH)"

"thanks for the wedding invite. I'm little baffled that it's only my name, as last time I checked I still had one of those wife things, or are partners not invited?!"

Jesus wept. Don't do either of these.

Can’t understand the outrage. DH and I have rarely been invited to weddings together. The only time we received invites together was when our direct siblings got married, not for cousins weddings etc.

The only time for friends has been when they were genuinely joint friends that we both knew really well and saw together often. Otherwise, any friend’s wedding has just been whichever of us is involved in the friendship. It seems sensible as who wants to go to a wedding where you don’t really know anyone other than your partner/spouse, and do there is an element of them babysitting you the entire time, couldn’t think of anything worse.

It's quite unusual, especially as you had the courtesy to ask them both to yours. I hope your husband explains that you are hurt that he and his friend are so close yet they didn't invite you. I'd have him say that he is also hurt for you.

I agree with this. You have no relationship with them at all. It's not about being friends with "all" the partners of your husband's friends, but if they are really as close as you describe it then not meeting them at all in 4 years is odd.

It would have been nice of them to invite you if they could, but if they had to make cuts to their guest lists then it is normal they would prioritise people they actually know.

I would be more surprised by the fact that your husband was not invited to the ceremony...