Wedding Invite to Husband Only

[MiniOneFree]

A wedding invite arrived by post today, we were expecting it and excited to open it.

Only my husband's name is on the front.

On the back it says 'this invite is just for the guest(s) named.

It's the reception only from 6pm, at a hotel, so not the actual ceremony.

This couple (let's call them Amy and John) came to our wedding in 2022. John is an old school friend of my husband's. They are in touch all the time. I met Amy at our wedding, she seemed friendly but as with weddings I didn't get to talk to her much. She made a comment which I do remember about my husband punching above his weight, which not only offended my husband but also we felt was a bit weird and rude as was in front of a group of around ten people who all laughed.

I want my husband to go to the wedding, if he wants, but would rather he didn't, but I don't want to stop him.

However he says he will decline and tell John we are away. However I want him to be honest and say he's not going as I've not been invited.

I think it's completely astonishing and I can't help but take it personally.

Is excluding wives and husbands a thing now ( like not including children) ?

Is it understandable to be so upset about this or AIBU?

Yes, I agree. I wouldn't word it like this...

@Slightyamusedandsilly · Today 21:26

'Sorry John, can't make it without Sarah.' Have a fab day. Wishing you every happiness. With love, Sarah and Sam'

I would say something like...

'Sorry John, I'm going to have to decline the invitation to your wedding evening do, as Sarah is not invited. Have a fab day. Wishing you every happiness. With love, Sam. (No need to make the response from 'Sarah' too. It's him answering, not her.'

100% this. ^

Bloody rude. You either invite a couple or you don’t. If I was your dh I wouldn’t bother to give a reason for declining.

My brother-in-law told my mother-in-law my husband was invited to his wedding but I was not. I was honestly shocked as I got on well with him and his fiancée. We "girls" used to spend quite a bit of time together. I appreciate it was probably a financial decision but as we'd been married for over ten years at that stage I felt it was pretty unforgivable.

I feel if a couple has been in a relationship for over 12 months (married or otherwise) they should both be invited.

Actually, I agree. I would stop talking to them.

Of course couples should be invited. If funds don't stretch that far then it makes no sense to invite half.

I think it does come across a bit rude but I suspect it’s just practical re numbers and needing to cut them down. Neither of them know you personally really well so if that’s their criteria/logic then I guess you dont get invited. I wouldn’t overthink it. Up to your DH if he goes.

I've been invited to a wedding without DH before, but I was invited as part of a large group of friends, and none of the spouses were invited. We weren't offended.

But there would be other weddings where we would have been offended.

It's his friend so I'd let him decide. Sounds like he's decided no. I wouldn't lie, but nor would I give the reason unless asked directly. I'd just decline and give no reason.

I think that my husband would be offended if his Wife wasn't invited. And if he is a good friend why only an invite to the evening. Seems very odd. To exclude his other half is ludicrous if it is cost cutting, the evening celebration doesn't cost much per person to leave someones Wife off the list.

My first cousin sent my sister and I a joint invitation to their evening do (not the actual wedding) as if we were children and didn't invite either of our long-term partners (mine was my husband). Neither of us went!

I’ve been invited to every wedding my DH has, and vice versa. It is normal to us. And we don’t have the concept of the evening do where I’m from - all the guests attend the wedding ceremony and the reception. You write your guest list and work out your budget and choose a venue accordingly. Very old fashioned these days apparently. In this situation if there was a group of old school friends all attending solo then I’d encourage my DH to go. If it was just him invited on his own then he would decline because that’s a bit weird expecting someone to come along without their wife if they will basically only know the groom. I don’t think DH would make up an excuse but he wouldn’t offer one unless asked directly.

That's an interesting metaphor for someone who feels so strongly about being an individual. My and my husband consider ourselves a team and would not find this acceptable, however neither of us are kept on a lead and only let off once in a while

Very rude not to invite you also.

This.

OMG do not send this - so cringe!

I got invited solo to a friend's wedding, I worked with her so she doesn't know my husband. Didn't think anything of it and enjoyed a day/night out without the need to sort a babysitter!

As you have only met the bride once and that was at your own wedding back in 2022 and you’ve never hung out as a couple since, then it’s entirely reasonable for you to not be invited.

One of DH’s school friends is getting married a second time in the summer. I haven’t been invited although he did call my DH up and ask if that’s ok before the invitations went out. I went to his first wedding years ago but haven’t seen him in a long time and he is on a strict budget. It doesn’t bother me in the slightest. In fact I’m quite relieved that I don’t have to go.

Weddings are long, often tedious days. Lovely if you know the couple well and are genuinely delighted for them. Thoroughly dull if you don’t.

I think people over think these things. It's just one night!
Your husband is friends with the groom. You're not close to the bride. It's perfectly fine to socialise separately. If he wants to go he should go and you shouldn't guilt him out of it.
If he cares about his friendship with the groom it would be good to go, esp. as men can be crap at sustaining friendships as they age.

100% this. Of course you don't invite one half of a married couple to a wedding in these circumstances.

Also for all those worrying that this is an old fashioned attitude, my twentysomething DD got married last year and this is exactly how she and her now DH approached their wedding planning.

This bride sounds like someone who would take the hump if she wasn't invited to.

You have completely made that up.
Nowhere does it give any indication whatsoever that is the case.
I mean, even the OP has only met her once, very, very briefly on a day that was very busy (presumably?) for the OP.

If the groom is such a close friend if your DH if course the two of you should be invited

If the groom is such a close friend, and the OP is a normal, nice, friendly person, why hasn't the OP ever invited 'Amy' and 'John' round to ANY function at their house? Or ever suggested meeting up with them at a gig / sports event / meal out / day out / walk / picnic / BBQ / etc.? That's how dh and I got to know each others' friends after we got together. Some of them he still sees without me, some we have become 'couple friends. Both is fine, but if I choose not to spend time with someone, then I certainly wouldn't expect to be invited to their wedding.

Except there are 14 pages, filled with people who have told you they ARE quite happy, and are not offended, and HAVE been to weddings without their dh, and that their dh has been to weddings without them.

Just because you don't have this sort of relationship, doesn't mean others don't.

It says quite a lot about you that you are unable to understand people are different from one another.

...married couples who are happy to set an example of togetherness in their relationship.

What on earth have I just read?

So married couples exist at such events to set an example to the sad singletons and the newly wed, of how amazing it is to be smugly coupled up?

I think I want to throw up

No-one happily married - or in a happy long term relationship - would say this, that you and your partner are 'sad' and 'co-dependent' because you enjoy going out to big social events together!

@BatchCookBabe What you seem to be struggling with is that many of us do enjoy spending time with, and going to 'big social events' with our husbands or wives but can ALSO enjoy an evening out without them.

I'm not sure why that is so difficult for you.

I'm one of the oldest mumsnetters, as far as I know. Yet this thread has made me feel like I'm in some kind of Victorian novel.

How come the last two generations of women have become so etiquette-bound and dependent on always being seen as a couple and joined at the hip at all times? What on earth happened to feminism and independent women, FFS?

Well, in all time in the last 4 years, since the OP got married, and in the years before they got married, the OP has not set eyes on Amy, so it seems pretty unlikely they are suddenly going to be spending time together regularly at BBQs and dinners now.

This is not true. We do many things independently but even if we didn't, that's fine.

I love spending time with my husband and his friends and enjoying meeting friends he has known long before we met. That is not Victorian. I am an independent woman and don't wish to be joined at the hip. You have missed the point.