Wedding Invite to Husband Only

[MiniOneFree]

A wedding invite arrived by post today, we were expecting it and excited to open it.

Only my husband's name is on the front.

On the back it says 'this invite is just for the guest(s) named.

It's the reception only from 6pm, at a hotel, so not the actual ceremony.

This couple (let's call them Amy and John) came to our wedding in 2022. John is an old school friend of my husband's. They are in touch all the time. I met Amy at our wedding, she seemed friendly but as with weddings I didn't get to talk to her much. She made a comment which I do remember about my husband punching above his weight, which not only offended my husband but also we felt was a bit weird and rude as was in front of a group of around ten people who all laughed.

I want my husband to go to the wedding, if he wants, but would rather he didn't, but I don't want to stop him.

However he says he will decline and tell John we are away. However I want him to be honest and say he's not going as I've not been invited.

I think it's completely astonishing and I can't help but take it personally.

Is excluding wives and husbands a thing now ( like not including children) ?

Is it understandable to be so upset about this or AIBU?

@MiniOneFree YANBU.

You will of course get some posters on Mumsnet saying YABU, and the bride and groom can invite who they want, yada yada yada.... But no way in hell would these people saying this not be offended if they were in your shoes. I would be hurt and pissed off too.

My DH wouldn't go to a wedding without me (under these circumstances) and I wouldn't go without him either. And both DH - and I - would tell them why.... 'I am not coming because you have not invited my wife/husband...'

I find it so bizarre when people do this. Invite someone to their wedding, but not their wife - or husband. It's so rude. Terrible social etiquette, and very bad manners. It's fuck-all to do with being co-dependent as several posters have suggested. When a couple are married/together long term and living together, it's weird to only invite the one.

It's such a dumb comment to make, accusing people of being 'sad' and 'co-dependent' because they enjoy going to big social events with their husband or wife. This kind of comment is quite spiteful, and IMO it comes from a place of bitterness and jealousy. No-one happily married - or in a happy long term relationship - would say this, that you and your partner are 'sad' and 'co-dependent' because you enjoy going out to big social events together!

It is a bit odd also @MiniOneFree that your husband has only been invited to the evening do, if he and this man are such good friends.

As for the 'your husband is punching above his weight' comment ... I think you have been a bit over sensitive with that one. That is a compliment to your husband. They are saying he has an attractive wife.

Anyway, you have been vindicated on here. Two thirds of posters (almost 1500 so far!) who voted in the poll think YANBU.

.

I would not be offended over the lack of any wedding invitation, but the comment about 'punching' was exceptionally rude. Why would you want to spend time celebrating with someone who spoke about your husband like this?

I'd take it as a gift, OP (and, by the way, would not be sending one)!

I had a wedding invite where it was females only to the day part, then husbands and kids could come later - Needless to say I didn't go

“He says he doesn't think she isnt particularly nice.”

I don’t understand this sentence, nor why Amy is getting the blame.

Why not?

Screw ‘the done thing’! There’s loads of stuff we don’t do now that used to be ‘the done thing’. Some for good reason and others because life changes, society changes.

How is going to a party an example of togetherness? And why should your guests marriages be celebrated, it’s not their day.

As for the people who said they would exclude other people just to follow etiquette, well I think they’re fucking batshit.

I really don’t understand the issue here, why can’t a husband or wife just go on their own if it’s their friend, and presumably they will have other friends there. Weddings are so expensive why would you HAVE to invite random partners (often strangers to you) that you don’t know at all just for the sake of politeness or some sort of tradition when there isn’t capacity. Find it quite surprising how many people are so offended by this

Your DH should politely refuse. 'Sorry John, can't make it without Sarah.' Have a fab day. Wishing you every happiness. With love, Sarah and Sam'

If no other spouses were going from their friendship group were going I wouldn’t be bothered. If I caught wind that some were but I wasn’t thats where my issue would be and I’d feel offended.

The invitation is rude. Well done your husband on doing the right thing by not going. Can’t believe the invite has it written on the back that exclusion note you mentioned in such awful specific detail.

Because that's utterly bizarre. Didn't matter if the bride and groom were closer to the male part of a couple, only the female could go to the day. No thank you, whatever the fuck is going on there

I like this- short and to the point 👍
(I'd be relieved not to be going too)

I think men get jokey “punching”
comments all the time. They always seem to be pleased.
Don’t you think it’s a sexiest trope that women have to be the “ hot “ one?

Yeah it’s rude to invite someone and not their spouse. Especially if it’s just an evening do -where numbers can be a bit more lax.

Even more rude to right on the back “the invitation is only for the named guest”.

The way to handle it, if it were a numbers thing, would be to say “I’m really sorry, but we can’t invite more than x people, so unfortunately we can’t invite MiniOne.”

I think it totally detracts from the message to want people to celebrate your special and enduring commitment to each other ie your wedding without also inviting your friends spouses. If getting married matters then it should matter to you that your friends did. I accept the odd table of work colleagues without partners but apart from that if they are married they are invited, and I’d decline any friends wedding invite that didn’t include my husband. If they aren’t inviting him then I guess getting married isn’t that special and they won’t mind if I don’t go.

I wouldn't mind an evening only or no plus one from an acquaintance, lose friend or colleague, but if it came from a supposed close friend I'd be rethinking the friendship a little, and certainly considering whether to attend or not.

I think it's incredibly rude considering they both went to your wedding! But there we go. Quite a few people don't seem to follow any particular set of rules these days. Don't take it personally because I bet it is nothing to do with not liking you. I should think they wanted to keep the numbers down and cherry-picked the people they knew best. Very strange.

That makes John sound like he can’t get dressed without his wife there to oversee it.

Do you think your husband would like to go if you weren’t so upset about not getting an invitation to the wedding disco?

Its incredibly rude to not invite a spouse. I really fail to understand it. Especially sending an invite to your husband only with a disclaimer that only he can come (to make sure he doesn't try to sneak you in).

I can totally get you may want to keep the numbers down but in this case I would speak to both people first, or at least to the husband, and explain the situation/ apologise before getting the invite out. The way its been done in OP's case is clearly a demonstrative exclusion, for whatever reason.

I would be really pissed off and tbh stop any contact with these people (especially after woman's weird comment at the wedding, wtf)

And - excluding spouses is not the same as excluding the kids (which is also really weird for a wedding but ok, some people cant deal with children). You cant invite half of a couple to formal events, its not on.

It's not "one less couple" as OP has NEVER socialised with them.
Never invited them round, never arranged to go out with them, never bumped into them at mutual friends' gatherings.

She's in no different a position from that she was in before her dh was invited to this party.

I would say "I will not attend as my wife has not been invited" - and leave it at that. Why make a song and dance of it?

Because its a FORMAL event, not a piss up in a pub - so you either invite both partners or none. If you are so cheap you cant have partners of people you want to invite - have a registry office wedding or a close family only event.

I'm really interested to find out when you think "the old days" were?

As, when I was young (and in the intervening years, but, while we are talking about "the old days"...) I've been to plenty of weddings where people were invited without spouses, and, compared to many MNers, I'm quite old.

So when are these olden times you are talking about ?

How weird and how socially awkward at future barbecues or dinners. Especially if other couples were invited.

Oh, wasn't it fun at our wedding! Look at the photos! Ooh there's your husband! Isn't he handsome!

You- seriously?

Or - didn't you go to the wedding?
You - no, i wasn't invited. Do tell me all about what I missed