Wedding Invite to Husband Only

[MiniOneFree]

A wedding invite arrived by post today, we were expecting it and excited to open it.

Only my husband's name is on the front.

On the back it says 'this invite is just for the guest(s) named.

It's the reception only from 6pm, at a hotel, so not the actual ceremony.

This couple (let's call them Amy and John) came to our wedding in 2022. John is an old school friend of my husband's. They are in touch all the time. I met Amy at our wedding, she seemed friendly but as with weddings I didn't get to talk to her much. She made a comment which I do remember about my husband punching above his weight, which not only offended my husband but also we felt was a bit weird and rude as was in front of a group of around ten people who all laughed.

I want my husband to go to the wedding, if he wants, but would rather he didn't, but I don't want to stop him.

However he says he will decline and tell John we are away. However I want him to be honest and say he's not going as I've not been invited.

I think it's completely astonishing and I can't help but take it personally.

Is excluding wives and husbands a thing now ( like not including children) ?

Is it understandable to be so upset about this or AIBU?

There is no right or wrong it is their wedding they can invite who they want other than 'sorry I cant make it' nothing more is needed if he has decided for himself being an adult human being in his own right, you are not a child you dont need an invite

This wouldn't bother me at all. I'd actually be quite happy to get out of attending the wedding of DHs friend that I don't know well. I know it's usually practice to invite spouses and I did it for my wedding, however, I did only do it because it was the done thing. I weren't bothered about some of the partners being there. My friends had plenty of others at the wedding and had independent lives and friendships away from their spouse so I don't think they would've been bothered either.
The 'punching' comment is pretty common banter, people have said this to my husband and it was just laughed off. Maybe the bride and groom picked up on your offense to it and worry that you will change the dynamic/mood at the wedding if they are a group that like to banter.

This! Oh my god I’m married and this type of shit makes me want to burn my marriage certificate. 😄

I want to say will somone give me a sick bucket, if it was will you sort the recycling or someone other mundane task would there be team mentioned then

Me and my husband are a team, 1 if you like

@MummytoBoth

I definitely don’t “like”!

Yes, I think the punching comment was just a light hearted jokey compliment to you - not to be taken too seriously. Guys often say it to their mates when one of their group gets a new girlfriend and they meet her for the first time. I take your point that if it was the other way round, it would be taken as offence though. I've never heard it done that way round.

As someone else said, it could be that the groom has invited his friends as a group without partners. Lads together like the old days kind of vibe. I know it's a single invite, the group thing would be unspoken.

It's so hard to know, though, people have different size families, and different budgets, so space for partners or even friends and family can vary and reciprocal invitations aren't guaranteed. Please don't let it take space in your head though. Focus on your friends ❤️

This wouldn’t bother me in the slightest. You don’t know her and you’re not close to either of them. Why would you even want to go? It sounds like they’re just inviting friends to the evening reception. Much more fun for them and their friends than the random spouses hanging about not really knowing anyone. Your DH should go and you should arrange a night out with your real friends.

I guess if they’ve only got capacity for a set amount, then they’re probably going to choose close friends to fill the seats rather than pick someone who, by your own admission, the bride to be has only met once, at her own wedding where it doesn’t sound like you had the chance to chat. Doesn’t sound like she’s a close friend, so I wouldn’t get upset about it.

I can't imagine getting this worked up about it ... you barely know either of them? You last saw the woman four years ago?

It's rude and completely out of order just to invite people without their partners. My son got married last year and everyone he invited he budgeted for their plus ones.
This bride sounds like someone who would take the hump if she wasn't invited to. If the groom is such a close friend if your DH if course the two of you should be invited

Dh went to one on his own - as in other halfs not invited, but it was a work colleague and he went with other workmates. It was an Asian wedding - so perhaps a cultural difference.

But in the case of an old school friend I'd expect the invite to be for both.

No they are a team. Dont be jealous if you haven't been able to achieve this, or if that's your choice and not being a conjoined blob is what makes you happy then that's fine too but dont try to belittle others if they have a bond that makes them feel as if they are in a team.

You have absolutely nothing to go on to claim that This bride sounds like someone who would take the hump if she wasn't invited to.
Literally the only thing we know about her is that four years ago she made a very normal joke, that jokily teased OP's DH and was essentially a compliment to the OP.

My husband and I have a few times gone to a wedding alone (usually just the evening do) as it’s part of a wider friendship group that the other isn’t part of or work colleague. We also had young children at the time so it just made life easier. Sometimes the wider group invite did include me but it never bothered me either way.

As years gone on and our children have gotten older I’ve often joined them at birthdays etc and I’m seem to be invited more to the second marriage weddings - which makes sense as I actually am now part of the wider group.

It was lovely that you invited him as a plus 1 to your wedding but for whatever reason they haven’t, whether it’s due to numbers or a group of old friends and no partners. Unless your husband checks in and says just to confirm you’re not invited?

You can be a team without 'being 1'.

And I was very happily married to a wonderful man for 35 years. Had he not died too young, we'd be celebrating our golden wedding in a year or two. And our secret was in recognising that we were different people with different strengths and interests, which we encouraged in each other.

@MiniOneFree John is one of your husband's closest friends and he's not going to go to the wedding? 😯

I'm just looking into to the future....she's not wanting to invite her grooms close friend plus one, which is normal to be invited. Of course she sounds like the kind of person if only her husband was invited to something and she was t in the future

No they are married individuals same as my husband and I we let the other off the lead every once in a while, no idea of what there is to be jealous about? A women is not invited to a wedding and can't handle the fact her husband can choose to do something without her, jealous of what?

Ditto!

I don’t want to turn into a conjoined blob just because I’m married.

I’ve been to lots of weddings with my husband and a handful without him. It wouldn’t bother me in the slightest if he got invited to one without me.

Have a word with yourself. Why on earth can’t you go to a party without your spouse? How sad and codependent not to be able to spend a few hours apart.

Its not really about that though. It's about the disrespect of not being invited to an event where the done thing is to invite spouses.

I'd want to know who's idea it was to do this.

I really wouldn’t care about this. Let DH go and have fun with the boys. I’d be quite happy at home in front of the sofa with a takeaway

Some of us as couples actually enjoy special occasions like a wedding where love is being celebrated. There is nothing 'old fashioned' about married couples who are happy to set an example of togetherness in their relationship. There are very few opportunities to dress up & go to special occasions. It's a celebration of marriage which should reflect married couples & treating them as such when deciding on the guest list.

YANBU @MiniOneFree

YANBU @MiniOneFree